


Love is What The Trouble Is

by LindzDDub86



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Betrayal, Divorce, F/M, Family Bonding, Family Reunions, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Love, Sex, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:41:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 53,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25538212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LindzDDub86/pseuds/LindzDDub86
Summary: I left Nick almost 15 years ago, with no note and no words after. 15 years later I didn't think our paths would cross again and that I would have to tell him why I left him. And meeting him again for the first time after 15 years, the truth of why I left him will arise. Will we feel the same towards each other despite all these years apart? He is married now... so surely me being isn't gonna be a problem??? Then again love was and still is troublesome!!
Relationships: Brian Littrell/Leighanne Littrell, Howie Dorough/Leigh Dorough, Kevin Richardson/Kristin Richardson, Nick Carter/Lauren Kitt Carter, Nick Carter/Original Female Character(s), Rochelle Karidis/AJ McLean
Kudos: 14





	1. Prologue

Prologue

So a bit of background about me, my name is Lindz and I live in England. Have fantastic family and friends, decent job. You name it; it was cosy for a normal life. However 15 years ago, 2005, my life was so much different back then. I lived in America; I was 18 and had the best boyfriend in the whole wide world. He was my rock and my best friend. He meant everything to me. We had been together 6 months and it was amazing. You would think why did I leave him? I really wish I could answer that question out loud but it’s been kept hidden within me until I get the chance to tell him, but something happened all those years ago. Something that wasn’t my boyfriend’s fault, and even today he still didn’t know what had happened. Something that made me takes a flight all the way back to England where I resided for the last 15 years. Now skipping to the present day; 15 years later at aged 33, I’ve had boyfriends since, but no one compared. No one was as good as my ex. But now he is married, and has a gorgeous little boy. You see his married life is on social media, so you see photos of his family, his wife and his boy. The thing is that I forgot to mention that my ex-boyfriend is famous. 27 years famous in fact and he is part of a boy-band. 1/5 of a boy-band, Backstreet Boys. You may have heard of them. My ex was the infamous Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys. Now I didn’t tell anyone about this, about Nick or what happened. I never even told my best friend, Karen what happened. She just knew I dated Nick but nothing else. Now even now I feel like shit to be honest. Shit because I left with no note, message or phone call. Selfish of me I know, and to be honest I probably broke the guys heart. But I know if I ever saw him again, I would need to be ready to give him answers when he shoots questions at me. I believed he was angry back then, I think we all would be angry if their partner suddenly fucked off and left while they were touring Europe. See the Backstreet Boys were in Europe touring for their Never Gone tour and I was still back home in Nick’s place in America. Little did I know I would see him face to face soon.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 1

April 2018

“Hey Karen, have you seen this on here?” I said. I was looking through some YouTube videos when I came across something Backstreet Boys related. We was in my house in the living room. Despite the past I still watched them and went to concerts.  
“What is it Lindz?” Karen asked.  
“Dunno, I’ll play it”

It was the boys filming themselves having their DNA taken and sending it off to some company and 2 weeks later they were showing how their DNA was made up of like European DNA, etc. They were promoting this due to their new album release called ironically ‘DNA’.

“Hey we should do that chuck”, Karen exploded.  
“Yeah? Should we order our packs now then?” I replied.  
Karen nodded, I haven’t seen her so excited other something like this before. And to be honest I have always been so fascinated by the whole ancestry thing. So I found the link to the company, and filled in the details for both me and Karen. And pressed submit. We had to wait for a few working days to get our test kits. Sure enough, we only waited a few days. We opened our tests up. Did what the instructions said, sealed the test up and posted it. All we had to do was wait for them. 

It took a good 2 weeks to eventually get our results. They were pretty much what I knew, 60% English and Scottish, 30% Irish and the rest European. When I looked at my account online, I had noticed I had a message from I’m guessing a potential relative.

“Hey Karen, I got a message”  
“Well open it, can’t wait to see who it is?” Karen answered.  
And so I placed the cursor on to the message link and pressed it opening us to the message. That’s when I took a double take. That was also the moment I gulped hard to myself. Deep down I was thinking this is all wrong. I had frozen.  
“No fucking way!” I exclaimed.  
“What’s up Lindz?” Karen concerned.  
I hesitated to answer her and I stayed quiet. I was still in shock at the name.  
“Do you want me to read the message to you?”  
Karen nodded.

“Hey Lindz, How are you doing? Fancy meeting up on this in all these years. And the fact we could be related is, well pretty cool. Let’s catch up and see where our families meet up.”  
I was still in awe with the name. It can’t be, not like this.

“Who is it from?” Karen asked intrigued.

“Brian Littrell” I replied hesitantly.  
There was a silence, “You’re having me on aren’t you?”  
I shook my head, “No chuck, and look.”  
And I showed the name on the message. Brian Littrell… after all this years I never believed I would be speaking or hearing off him again. And for your information and to keep you in the know, Brian Littrell is part of the Backstreet Boys. However, if this was the case and I was somewhat related to Brian, then it meant I was also related to Kevin Richardson, another member of the group, because Kevin and Brian are in fact first cousins. Which I came off the message section and looked into the match results, Kevin Richardson came up in the matches. 

“OMG chuck, it is insane.” Karen prompted.  
I was in a world of my own. I didn’t know what to make of it, whether to be happy or excited. Or scared. Scared because I know this is going to cross paths with Nick, who I left with no words. This is going to open a can of worms. A can I may not be ready to open yet.  
“Earth to Lindz!” Karen nudged me.  
“Sorry chuck,” I gasped.  
“Well are you gonna reply to him?”  
“And say what?” I snapped, “Sorry chuck didn’t mean to do that. It’s just...”  
“Nick?” Karen questioned.  
I nodded, “I just don’t know if I can face him after all these years. I mean...”  
“Well you will only be meeting up with Brian and possibly Kevin. You won’t be there that long to bump into Nick”  
She was right. For some strange reason, Karen was always right. She never listened to her own advice or my advice but she was good in making me see sense.

“Hey Brian,” I started to type away, “OMG fancy this on here yeah? Well this is a small world. Sure we can arrange something where I can fly over there to have a catch up. It’s been a very long while. Lindz xxx” And sent.


	3. Chapter 3

Part 2

3 weeks had passed, and today was the day I was getting on that plane to America. Flying back to meet with Brian, after all these years. I really tried to keep focus on what the plan was but I couldn’t help but think. Nick… what happens if he is there? Would Brian really spring this on me like that knowing I just left?

“Ouch!”  
Karen had nudged me again, “Sorry chuck, but you’re flight is ready to board.”  
I took a deep breath, and stood up. I turned around to Karen, said my goodbyes and made my way to the gate where my flight stood. I walked upto the service desk, they scanned my passport. And then my ticket, it beeped. They scanned it again, and it still beeped.

“Is there anything wrong sir?” I asked concerned as I had paid a hefty amount for this ticket.  
The bloke looked at me, “It seems love, you’ve been upgraded.”  
I looked puzzled, “I don’t understand. I paid this with my own money”  
The bloke shrugged his shoulders, “Well love, someone has been generous and as upgraded you to first class.”  
“Well is there any chance you can tell me who it is?”  
The bloke looked again on the screen, “Why yes, a Mr Littrell has upgraded you.”  
I was gobsmacked, “Oh okay. Well, thank you.”  
“I don’t suppose you know who it is ma'am?,” the bloke behind the service desk asked.  
“Yes I know who it is,” I replied with a massive smile on my face.  
“Well you have a wonderful flight Miss Devine. The attendant will take you to your seat.”

I met the attendant and she walked me to my seat in First Class. I mean I haven’t ridden First Class, well since back in the day. I got to my seat, where I saw an ice bucket with a bottle of Champagne and a flute glass. Surely there was a mistake? This wasn’t my seat after all. Just then I noticed a little envelope. I reached for it and it had ‘Lindz’ on the front of it. I opened the envelope up to be greeted with a little card with a monkey face on it pulling silly faces. I laughed to myself. I knew straight away who it was from as I always called him a cheeky monkey 15 years ago.  
“Hey Lindz, here have a drink. Enjoy your flight and can’t wait meet you on the other side. All my love, Brian x’”

God he is so sweet, and I just can’t believe he took to these lengths to make my flight comfortable. I mean an 11 hour flight is a long ass flight. The seat was a recliner, which OMG felt amazing when laid back. I took the bottle of Champagne and opened it, and poured me a glass. ‘Cheers Brian,’ I thought. It felt amazing, as though I was living the life I used to have. I could get used to this again. I carried on drinking my Champagne and watching a film beside me. It was the Day After Tomorrow. I believe I got to about an hour and a half in the film when I felt my eyes droop. I was tired and the Champagne was magnifying that and so I just covered myself with my jacket and went to sleep.

Somewhat time after

“Excuse miss.”  
I shuddered with the slight sound of someone’s voice. I looked up and it was the attendant.  
“Sorry miss but I need you to sit up now and make sure your seat belt is on. We haven’t got long to go before landing now”.  
“Oh okay, thanks.” Surely I hadn’t been asleep for almost 9 hours? But it was obvious I had been. The Champagne however had given me a slight nausea feeling and a niggle in the head. ‘God I can’t hack drinking any more’, I groaned.  
So I made myself comfy, feeling the plane lower every minute or so. I was not a fan of the landing. Tends to make my stomach turn. It always did. It was one of the reasons why I didn’t like flying. That was when I saw land, and I saw the airport. I knew I had no chance of backing out now. I was almost on American soil again. And it felt fucking weird. 

The plane stopped and I got all my belongings, and headed to the door of the plane. I followed the other passengers and walked along the airport corridors to where the luggage was stored once it came off the planes. I believe I was waiting 5 minutes for my bags and they were instantly memorable. 1 big and 1 medium sized suitcases in bright pink! I shuffled towards to belt and retrieved my suitcases and I made my way out of the airport. As I walked closer to the escalator that took me down into the main arrival department, my heart started to panic. This is not what I needed right now. I didn’t know what to expect. I placed my left foot onto the top of the downward escalator and then placed my right foot and let the escalator take me down, I got halfway down when I saw them. They were waving at me and I waved back. It was Kevin and Brian. This is it I thought. 

“Hey Lindz! Come here girl, it is so nice to see you again!” Brian grabbed me and pulled me in for a bear tight squeeze.  
“Hey Brian. We meet again,” I smiled. I then turned to Kevin, “Kevin!”  
Kevin smiled and put his arms around me for a hug, “It’s a pleasure to see you again Lindz”. He then took my hand and planted a kiss on it. You see Kevin, was an old fashioned crooner as people would say. Very pleasant and very respectful especially towards women. However there was a slight awkward vibe for a few seconds. It would be, it’s been years since I had been in the same place as these boys. But this time they weren’t boys, but men. It felt weird indeed.  
“Wait here for minute boys, the lady needs to use the loo.”  
Brian and Kevin took my bags from me and waited in the foyer while I went to the females toilets. I went straight in the cubical, used the toilet and went to wash my hands. I stared in the mirror in front of me. I felt weird. Like I wasn’t there in spirit but in body. I shook my head and brushed myself off and walked out to meet up with Brian and Kevin again.  
“Where are you staying Lindz?” Kevin asked.  
I replied, “At the Opera State Hotel, apparently 10 minutes from here.”  
“Yeah we know where it is,” Brian said, “Here, let me take your cases and follow us. We will take you there.”  
I nodded, and smiled. I followed them to Brian’s car. Where he insisted on sorting my cases out without my help. Brian has always been the helper of the boys back then. Always wanted to please everyone and was such a gentleman when he had to be. I sat in the back seat of his car and fastened my seat belt. Brian and Kevin got into the car and Brian started to drive the car. Little than 10 minutes and we were at the hotel I was staying in.


	4. Chapter 4

Part 3

“What we will do Lindz, let you check in. Help you with your bags in the lift, and we will wait for you in the lounge. Sounds okay?” Brian said.  
I nodded, “That’s fine Brian. I shouldn’t be too long.”  
Brian parked the car in the parking lot and unloaded my suitcases. “Thank you,” I noted. Brian smiled and nodded as to acknowledge the thanks. The boys helped me with my cases, bless them and we got to the front of the hotel and walked right in to the reception desk. I checked in and the lovely man behind the desk gave me my key card and showed me directions on where to go. Leaving Kevin and Brian downstairs, I headed into the lift room with my cases and went to the 5th floor of the hotel. I swiped my key card and I entered my hotel room.

In the lounge Kevin and Brian was in conversation.  
“She hasn’t changed a bit.”  
Kevin replied, “You’re right, just grew up.”  
“I wonder how it happened,” Brian exclaimed.  
Kevin looked at him, “What you mean bro?”  
“Lindz leaving Nick like that. I mean they were the perfect couple. He was so in love, I had never seen him so wrapped up in a girl before she came along.”  
Kevin replied concerned, “There was obviously a reason B-rok. I doubt she would have just left. Anyway that is not our place to pry and ask about.”  
“No you are right Kev, it’s not. I was pissed off though. I had never seen Nick so heartbroken for he loved her so much.” Brian sighed.  
“I know”, Kevin replied.

“Hey Lindz, you ready to go and grab a bit of grub?” Brian smiled. I had just walked down the stairs, missing their conversation.  
I nodded, starving, “Yeah sure, where abouts have you got in mind?”  
“The good old steakhouse around the corner.”  
“Do they still do their ultimate steak?” I drooled. It was my all-time favourite plate in the steakhouse all those years ago.  
Kevin chuckled, “They sure do.”  
And so we went and made our way to the steakhouse. They indeed had the ultimate steak and it was how I remembered it. We ate food, had a few drinks, and we chatted. It was nice. It was nice to remember the good times, like when Brian slid down the staircase almost damaging his manhood. That was funny, but you had to be there to see it to see it was funny. And then the moment when Brian and I put shaving foam in Kevin’s hand when he was asleep to him waking up and planting the foam in his face. I mean he didn’t find it funny back then but obvious the fact we had grown up makes it funny now for him.

We had laughs and I felt more at home. As though I hadn’t been away. Then Brian’s phone rang. I saw the caller ID.  
“Don’t say I’m here.” I glared at Brian. It was Nick. Brian nodded.  
“Yo kaos, what’s up?” Brian asked, “I’m out with Kevin right now… Well give us a few hours and I’ll give you a call back later. However until then, calm down and take a breather. It will work out in the end bud.”  
And he ended the call. I wanted to ask what was wrong as Nick sounded pissed off on the other end. But I didn’t want to show any interest.  
“What’s up with him?” Kevin had asked.  
Brian looked at Kevin, “Oh its Lauren. You know the same old, same old. I’ll catch up with him later.”

I put my head down, sipping on my drink not knowing where to put my face. Deep down I was smirking and in reality I shouldn’t be smirking. Knowing that Nick and Lauren were having troubles in the marriage made me want to smile. But I knew deep down it was wrong to think that way. I had come to realise that after 2 hours of sitting in the steakhouse none of us had actually asked anything about families and relatives, which is what I believed was the reason we met up.  
“Why Lindz?” Brian suddenly blurted.  
Kevin glared at Brian, “Dude, we talked about this.”  
“Why what Brian?” I asked confused, “What were you guys talking about?”  
I had a feeling what it was about, but I needed to hear from their mouths.  
“Nick… why did you leave him?” Brian abruptly asked.  
Kevin snapped back, “Don’t listen to him Lindz. You don’t have to answer that.”  
I looked at Kevin, “But deep down I bet you wanna ask me that too?” Kevin hung his head in shame, “Yeah I thought so. I thought this meet up was to see where our families crossover to determine how we are related. I guess I knew it was more than that.”  
Brian stared, “Well Lindz. You haven’t answered my question. Why did you go? What the hell happened?”  
I stared off into the other side of the room for a second, to gather my thoughts. I cannot believe he has put him on the spot like that. How disrespectful?  
“What do you want me to say Brian?” I sighed, a flame inside had ignited. I was getting agitated, “What is it you would like me to say?”  
“Brian, stop this”, Kevin interrupted.  
“No I won’t. My little brother may have finally moved on and that but for a good few years his heart was torn in two. You were his life Lindz and you left with no word. Pretty shit doing if you ask me.”  
I sighed and put my head down, “Look I’m sorry Brian. I understand I would have angered you guys massively. I also understand that I broke Nick’s heart proper bad. And it kills me that I had done that. It was not my intention to break his heart. I loved him so...”  
“But did you? Did you actually love him Lindz? “Brian snarled, “Because that bloke still believes to this day it was his entire fault and you didn’t love him.”  
I felt angry. I was raging inside. I got it, he was angry for Nick but it’s obvious they had no idea what went on. Then I felt it, something wet in the corner of my eye and it trickled down my face. It was a tear. Kevin noticed and handed me a napkin. I took it, said thanks and wiped my face. But I felt there was more to come, and Brian realised. Realised just how sad and upset I was about it. He took my hand and looked at me, “Look Lindz, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped. I...”  
I looked at him, and placed my other hand on top of his. And then I looked at Kevin, “Did I love him you ask?” I paused, “As I was about to say when you cut me off earlier, I loved him with all my heart. He was my life just as much as I was his.”  
Brian curiously asked, “Then why?”  
“It’s complicated Brian. And something I do not intent to talk to others before I have spoken to Nick about it as I believe he should be the first to know saying it is about us. I was in the wrong and I get that Brian. But it’s not for me to say right now. But what I can say is this wasn’t Nick’s fault at all. He was my sweet. And to be honest guys, I have never stopped loving him, ever. I just didn’t have a choice.”  
Brian looked at me again. It was as though he was confused, “What do you mean you didn’t have a choice?”  
Shit I thought, I have said too much already, “Look guys, I’ve said enough already. I wasn’t here to talk about what went on and I actually don’t want to talk about it.  
“And so we will end this now” Kevin concluded, looking at Brian, “Leave it be Brian.”  
Brian looked at me and nodded, “Okay I will. Least I know it was nothing to do with my little brother. So thanks for that,” Brian smiled at me, and I smiled back. And that was the end of that conversation for the rest of the evening. He didn’t bring it up again. Somehow in my heart I felt a little better about the whole situation. The next minute we realised it was getting late and with that we excused ourselves, Kevin and Brian walked me back to the hotel. We exchanged phone numbers and hugs and we ended the night there. They went back to their houses and I went back to my hotel room. A busy day again in the morning as we were meeting up again to talk about families this time. But I couldn’t help but think that the conversation is gonna come through again.


	5. Chapter 5

Part 4

So days turned into weeks and I met up with Kevin and Brian, having coffee or lunch, and going through our relatives and to see exactly where we linked together. We got closer and closer by the day and we hit the jackpot. We found our link and although it was a distant relative (and I mean a BIG distant, it was like my Great Granddad 10 times removed distant) it showed that we are indeed related and as distant cousins. I hadn’t planned on staying over for so long and the strangest thing is I haven’t even bumped into Nick yet; in fact I haven’t bumped into the other members, AJ McLean and Howie Dorough, or their wives including Brian’s and Kevin’s… until today. Brian decided to pick me up today outside my hotel, and to drive me to his home where I would meet Leighanne, his wife and Baylee his son. I again felt anxious. Just because I haven’t see Leighanne for such a long time now and Baylee was a toddler back then. And I have always been paranoid by what the other guys and the girls thought about me. If they ever slagged me off or talked about the situation… it made me feel like I don’t belong right now here. So I had my breakfast in the hotel, went back to my room and got ready to finally start meeting the rest of the families. I mean I had spoken to them on the phone and video called them but I didn’t feel like I was ready to get involved again with them all. I don’t feel ready now but Brian puts this sad puss in boots face on whenever he wants you to do something that you can’t say no to him. As I am getting my jacket and everything else, my phone pinged. “I’m outside,” it was Brian telling me he had pulled up. I got outside and walked right to his car where I jumped in and fasten my seat belt and off we went for the long ass drive back to his place.

“Did you sleep well?” Brian asked.  
I nodded and smiled, “I did thanks Brian and how are you?”  
“Doing well me Lindz. I have to say the wife and Baylee are so excited to finally meet you again. Leighanne especially.”  
“Is she? That’s nice. I’m looking forward to it too. I mean last time I saw Baylee he was 3. And he was just the cutest baby ever.”  
Brian chuckled, “Aw that’s so sweet of you. He has always known about you by the way. I mean we all missed you.”  
I blushed, “Well that’s nice, and I mean I didn’t think I had made that much an impact for people to miss me.”  
Brian darted quickly at me, “Get out of it girl. You were loved by us all, and not to mention with the fans too. I’ve never known the fans to take to you like they did do. Usually they are jealous and horrible but they weren’t when it came to you.”  
“Well I did have my fair share as well Brian so it wasn’t all plain sailing, but thanks for that,” I smiled.

We eventually arrived at Brian’s house and I was shaking and screaming on the inside but calm and collective on the outside and that’s when she came out the front door. Leighanne. Now obviously I haven’t seen her for a long time but seen her photos on social media and well she loves her Botox and her cosmetic surgery so I guess she had changed dramatically facial wise. But she still had this big smile on her face and she was still so petite in height, but so was Brian. We stepped out the car.  
“Babes, give her space and let her out the car,” Brian said, Leighanne literally ran straight up to me.  
“OMG Lindz, it’s been so long girl!” And Leighanne threw her arms around me and embraced me in such a huge hug.  
“Leighanne, we meet again and I am so happy to see you after all these years.”  
I was genuinely happy and was looking forward to meeting up with her again. I was more looking forward to seeing Baylee as he was just a kid last time and now he was nearly 18.  
“Here let’s get inside. Baylee is in the garden if you wanna say hi to him,” Leighanne said.  
I smiled and nodded, “Yes that would be nice.”

I walked into the house, taken aback. It was so beautiful; I had forgotten what it looked like to be honest with you. It was massive, gigantic mirrors pretty much everywhere. The dining table was big enough to feed the five thousand and that was no exaggeration. The kitchen was gleaming and there was a lovely aroma which I believe Leighanne was making her signature muffins. And as I walked to the patio doors that took you out to the back garden, this young lad walked in.  
“Lindz?!”  
“Hey Baylee, wow you have grown up so much. It’s weird.”  
Baylee smiled, “Haha.”  
“God you are spits of your dad,” I exclaimed, whilst putting my arms out to hug Baylee, “I used to change your nappies lad.”  
I laughed and so did Brian and Leighanne. Baylee blushed; probably with the thought a stranger just said they used to change their bum as a kid.

We all sat down in the garden, Leighanne offering beverages and I just sat there pretty much in awe. I had never believed I would be back here again, after all this time. I just see whilst we were chatting and catching up that Leighanne was curious about something. I had a feeling what it was, but I wasn’t gonna start that conversation off. I’ve already had that talk with Brian and Kevin, and I do give them credit where its due, as they never once spoke about it again since that day. As the day went on, my anxiety lessened. I felt at ease. However the Littrell’s always used to make people feel welcomed. Brian and Leighanne were the first ones to accept me as Nick’s girlfriend when Nick finally introduced us to the guys. Memories came flooding back, thick and fast. A little too fast. Suddenly I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, although I was able to control it. But the sudden thought of back in the day sends my head west. 

“Right well I was thinking Lindz.” Leighanne started, “Well we were talking the other night and agreed.”  
“Okay? What is it?” I asked.  
Leighanne replied, “Well as you are in a hotel room, it must be costing you an absolute fortune. And we have a couple of spare rooms in this house.”  
Brian chirped in, “We were wondering if you wanna come and stay here with us? It would be an honour to have you as our guest.”  
I for some reason was a little hesitant at first. I mean yeah sure it was costing an arm and a leg but to stay here, in this magnificent house, was a massive deal to me.  
“Well… if you are sure and you wanna do that.” I said.  
Brian came over and sat at the side of me and placed a hand on my shoulder, “Lindz we wouldn’t be asking if we weren’t sure.”  
I smiled and turned to look at Leighanne and Baylee and then back at Brian, “Okay then, I’d love to stay here with you guys.”

We had dinner together, had lots of laughs and we genuinely had a good time. During all of this as well Brian had given me a lift to the hotel where I packed and emptied my hotel room to go and check out.


	6. Chapter 6

Part 5

I have lived at Brian’s and Leighanne’s house now for the last two weeks. It’s been mental and yet been fun. It’s funny because I had only planned to stay in America for 3 weeks tops, and 3 months later I’m still here. I got myself a little job in the café round the corner, as I was adamant to have my own money to spend. As much as it was nice for Brian and Leighanne to stay I can live with them, I felt I needed to pay my end of the upkeep of the house and bills. It was weird extending my visa, I had decided on extending it for a good 12 months now. I thought why not take a year out from home and have a bit of fun over here. So I came to the decision to have a discussion with Brian and Kevin. I suggested that Brian should host a BBQ/pool party for the boys and company. After all this time, I thought “Fuck it, I’ll bump into the rest of them some point of being over here, so why not now?” So we arranged the shit for the party, and I went with Baylee for the meat as he knew the best place in town. When we came back I went back into my room to make myself look presentable and waited in the garden with Brian, Baylee and Leighanne.

“You nervous?” Baylee asked me.  
I nodded, “Oh yes. And so much more”. I laughed. It was to laugh or to cry thinking what have I got myself into here.  
“What are you gonna do?” Leighanne questioned.  
I looked confused, “What do you mean?”  
“When you see Nick, what are you gonna do?”  
I froze slightly. I hadn’t thought about it to be honest until now Leighanne mentioned it.  
“Erm….” I shrugged my shoulders, “Not a fucking clue. But that’s if he realises who I am.”  
I laughed nervously.  
“Trust me he will remember who you are. Especially with the tattoo.” Brian pointed to my tattoo. Nick and I back in the day decided to get the same tattoo, a blue musical note on our backs, well Nicks were on his shoulder blade whilst mine was on my lower back. But mine had a red rose on the side of mine. I stood up and tried to look at my back.  
“You can’t even see it can you?” I spun round so Baylee, Brian and Leighanne could see. I was wearing a backless top on.  
I spun back round to see the boys were nodding.  
“Oh yes girl. You can see it, quite clearly,” Leighanne replied.  
“Oh,” I said, “Didn’t realise how low this top goes. Best go and change it then.”  
“Don’t change it Lindz. Surely you want him to recognise you?”  
I thought for a bit. Do I really want Nick to recognise me? It would be so much easier if he didn’t, but that was gonna be impossible. I haven’t really changed like Kevin keeps saying so Nick is gonna instantly recognise me.  
“Ok I’ll leave it on.” I smiled. 

Just then the doorbell rang. Brian went to the door to welcome AJ and Rochelle, AJ’s wife to the house. They came into the garden when all of a sudden….  
“No fucking way!”  
I quickly spun round to see AJ stood near me. I froze slightly.  
AJ looked at me with a look. A look to say I recognise you from somewhere.  
“It can’t be… no way… it’s been too long.”  
He came walking over to me with his arms open. I smiled at him, hoping that he did recognise me.  
“Lindz? It is Lindz isn’t it?”  
My smile grew bigger at this rate, “AJ!! How are you lad?”  
“Fuck! Come here girl”, wrapping his arms around me, squeezing slightly “OMG How are you?”  
I replied, “I’m good thanks AJ, and yourself?”  
“Peachy me” AJ answered, “Hey this is Rochelle, my wife. I believe you haven’t met.”  
I shook my head and faced Rochelle, opening my arms to give her a hug.  
“No I haven’t, it’s nice to finally meet you Rochelle. I’m Lindz.” I hugged her.  
She looked at me, “As in Nick’s Lindz?”  
“Well…” I laughed, “You could say that.”  
She laughed with me. It felt weird someone saying that as I hadn’t heard that saying for a long fucking time.

Soon Kevin and Kristin came along and we were all chatting with one another. AJ intrigued in my life, as well as my love life. Not a clue why though lol. The doorbell went again and in came Howie and Leigh, Howie’s wife.  
“Hey Howie!” AJ waved at Howie.  
Howie replied, “Hey guys.”  
“Guess who is here, Howie?” Kevin asked.  
Howie shook his head as to say who, and Brian pointed at me. Howie smiled instantly.  
“Hey Lindz. Took you long enough to come back hasn’t it? Come here sis.”  
Howie came straight up and hugged us.  
I laughed, “Well you know me, likes to make an entrance.”  
Howie smiled, “Yeah I wonder where you learnt that from.” Referring to the time I was with Nick. He was famous to make a scene when he came into a place lol.  
“How are you Howie?” I asked.  
“Never better now seeing you girl! You haven’t changed a bit.”  
I then turned to face Leigh, “Hey Leigh, how are you? Long-time no see I suppose.”  
Leigh smiled, “It sure is, you’re looking well Lindz.”  
We hugged each other, “Aww thank you and so are you. I see the brother here has been treating you kindly.” Howie and I were like siblings. He was my older brother, to be honest apart from Nick they are were like my brothers. We got on like family. And it dawn on me there was still one more to come, Nick. My nerves almost got the better of me at this point. However I didn’t really have the time to dwell on the thoughts as he would be knocking on the door the moment I thought about it. I got up and went to the other side of the garden to sit with the girls so my back was facing Nick. I also had to take a breather as I will be seeing Lauren too, his wife. And let’s just say we have had a set too all those years ago, a set too not one of these knew about. My stomach shuddered from his voice.

“Hey guys!”  
“Hey Nick, how are you dude?” Brian asked.  
Nick replied, “Never better, I’ve been looking forward to this. I mean…”  
He paused. I was ear wigging thinking he was gonna carry on but it was silence from him. Shit! Had he seen it was me?


	7. Chapter 7

Part 6

*Nicks POV*  
“WTF?? No way is this happening, I must be in a dream”. Nick rubbed his eyes. He could still see this woman in front of him, her back to him. Revealing the tattoo. “15 years and she shows up now.” Nick was feeling so many emotions right now. “I loved that girl. I just can’t believe she is here.” His shocked expression then turned to a slight smirk whilst he gave the woman’s back a looking over from head to heel. “But by God she still has that fantastic backside.” He cracked his neck, and shifted his top to make him look okay. He turned to the guys one more time, giving evils to Brian for not warning him. To suddenly turn around to the sound of a slap. He gulped hard.

I was chatting with the girls when I noticed the silence coming from the other end of the garden.  
“He knows it’s you.” Rochelle leaned in and whispered, “He is checking you out.”  
I gulped, “No way.”  
Leigh nodded, “Yes way. Lauren is there too.”  
But before we could carry on with the conversation I felt a hand grab my arm quite forcefully and within a split second….. SLAP!!!!  
I got a massive slap across the face. Once I got my barring, I looked up to come face to face with Lauren. The bitch had slapped me across my face. Everyone stood in silence and gasped. I quickly looked at Nick, his face was a picture. His expression was as though he wasn’t impressed with his wife and it also read out shit!! 

I looked at Lauren in the eye and for a split second I wanted to knock her out. But the pout on her face was hilarious.  
I laughed… and hard.  
“And hello to you too Lauren.”  
She went to slap me again, but this time I caught her in mid-air, “I wouldn’t if I was you.”  
She leaned into my shoulder and said sternly, “You have some nerve coming back all this time.”  
I smiled and nodded, “Lauren, love… you have no right to say that have you? I mean you have the nerve to say that to me, saying our past history.”  
Everyone looked confused as they believed that Lauren only met Nick in 2009. Little did they know that Nick knew Lauren sooner than that. In fact Nick and I had split up temporary in the time we were together because of catching him in bed… with Lauren. So again she had a fucking nerve to do that to me. And she was lucky I was keeping myself to myself.  
Lauren seems to ease off a bit once I said that, “Look, I can understand and I get it. I do. But the only person who has the right to hate my guts, is him.” I point at Nick, “So please get out my face yeah?”  
Lauren tutted.  
“Now come on Lauren, we will start this all over again shall we?”  
I smirked, knowing it was pissing Lauren so badly. I really don’t know what her problem was. She married the guy and has a kid with him. She got him in the end. Something in my mind tells me though if I had stayed that wouldn’t have been so. 

I then nodded to Brian in putting some music on to liven the atmosphere again as you could cut it with a knife. I looked at Nick, and Nick looked at me and smiled. I smiled and nodded. I then turned the girls again. Leighanne and Lauren were in a much deep conversation which was fine by me. I was chatting with the others. Whilst the boys were talking.  
“Well that was eventful,” Howie said, looking at Nick.  
Nick nodded, “You can say that.”  
“So Nick?” Brian turned to him, “How you feel?”  
Nick shrugged his shoulders, quickly looked at the girls and me and looked back at Brian, “This is all just fucking mental.”  
“Anyway Brian, you said you was inviting a new family member. Slightly confused dude.” Howie said.  
Kevin smiled, “Well she is.”  
Nick exclaimed, “Come again? Lindz is related to you?”  
Kevin nodded, “Remember when we did the ancestry thing? Well Brian looked on the match results he had.”  
“And that’s when I found her on there,” Brian carried on, “I sent her a message and she replied. So she flew over here 3 months ago…”  
“Three months? And you’re telling me this now?” Nick asked slightly angry.  
“Well what would you had done Nick?” AJ asked, “We have found out same time as you dude.”  
Nick took a breath, “For a start I could have had a fucking conversation without the wife getting all eagled eyed.”  
The boys laughed, “Oh Nick. You make us laugh,” Howie laughed.  
“How are you two anyway?” Kevin asked Nick.  
Nick replied, “Well we aren’t on the right page right now. Think she’s on her period or something. It’s like I can’t do anything right. She criticises me whenever I try and help out with Odin, its fucking crazy.”  
“Man have you spoken to her with how she makes you feel?” Brian asked.  
“Always”, Nick answered, “But I’m not allowed to feel like this apparently. Fucking shit honestly. I almost walked away the other day. Seeing Odin stopped me.”  
“She kinda went for Lindz didn’t she?” Howie said in shock.  
Nick shook his head, “Oh don’t get me started on that. I was gobsmacked when she did that.”  
“Yeah well Lindz dealt with it very maturely I personally believe” AJ said, “I mean she used to be such a hot head. Like you Nick.”  
Nick smirked, “Well… I must have rubbed off on her. But you are right there AJ. Lindz was quite calm.”  
Kevin snickered, “Yeah but the laugh she did. That was when the psycho switched on.”  
AJ laughed, “Haha yes! I thought Lauren was a goner then Nick.”  
Nick nodded, “Me too mate. But no Lindz held her own. I used to fall for the mad Lindz though.”  
The boys darted at Nick, “Could you collaborate on that Nick?”  
“She was sexy when she was mad” Nick answered, followed with a pause and a smirk, “Still is in a way.”

“Excuse me girls, have nip to the loo.”  
I excused myself. I walked past the boys, looking at Nick. I know it was wrong and that he is married but fuck me. He was still fucking gorgeous. All this time and still he hadn’t aged one bit. The years had been good to him. I could feel my cheeks flushing. Shit how can he still do that to me after all of these years. I thought I was totally over him; obviously not. I have to quickly turned back again before Nick saw me eyeing him up. I walked into the house and went to use the bathroom. Once I had finished in there I took a detour into my room to check on my hair. I got my brush to tame the mane and went to turn the door handle when I could hear voices outside the door. It was Nick and Lauren.


	8. Chapter 8

Part 7

“How are you so calm?”  
“Lauren, just leave it yeah.” Nick replied to Lauren.  
Lauren scorned, “Just leave it?”  
“Yes. Stop trying to argue with me. And I think you were bang outta order earlier.”  
Lauren laughed, “Sorry? I was bang outta order for what? Slapping Lindz?”  
Nick nodded, “Exactly that.”  
“Well she fucking deserved it.”  
Nick shook his head, “No Lauren. She didn’t deserve that at all.”  
“So you’re sticking up for her?” Lauren paused, “After everything you felt after she fucked off. With no words, nothing.”  
Nick stroked his forehead angrily, “And what did you think you would get out of it?”  
Lauren stuttered.  
“Well come on Lauren? You got very lucky by the way. Lindz could have knocked you out.”  
Lauren laughed again, “There you go again.”  
Nick looked at her confused, “What are you going on about Lauren?”  
“Acting as though you still know her. It’s been 15 fucking years Nick.”  
Nick looked shocked, “And? Get to the point Lauren.”  
“You still love her don’t you?”  
Nick sniggered, “Really? Is that what’s pissing you off? If I still love Lindz. Fucks sake Lauren. Get a fucking grip.”  
Nick turned away from Lauren and started to walk back outside to the guys. I thought she was gonna follow him and that I could leave my room but nope that wasn’t gonna happen.  
“I’m not done.” Lauren bellowed.  
Nick walked quickly back in, “Will you stop fucking shouting Lauren. You are totally ruining the vibes.”  
“Well I’m going home.”  
Nick looked at her as to say okay, “Be my guest Lauren. Go… can’t be arsed with your mood anyway Lauren.”  
Lauren looked at Nick and screamed. Nick threw the keys to her and told her to not to wait up. She slammed the front door shut. Nick shook his head in disbelief and laughed. Turned around and made his way back to the garden. I waited a bit longer before I returned to the garden myself. To act that I hadn’t heard that argument was a tricky thing to do but I did it.

The night went on and we were all having fun in the pool with music, food and drinks flowing. The only person who didn’t seem to wanna go in the pool was Nick. I noticed this; in fact I could tell he was still in such a mood. Probably from the argument with Lauren earlier. I climbed out the pool to walk over to him.

*Nick’s POV*  
Fuck me! how after all this time, Lindz is still frigging sexy? Nick is staring at Lindz with his blue eyes, watching her climb out the pool. Water falling off her fine hour-glass body. ‘God her body is perfect. Those hips, man I could just…’. He could feel himself biting his lower lip. He went into a bit of a gaze. He struggled to snap out of it.

“Hey!”  
“Oh hi Lindz,” Nick smiled, “Having fun?”  
I nodded, “But I can see you’re not.” I sat next to him.  
I frowned at him, “You not coming in? It’s fun!”  
Nick shook his head, “Oh God no thanks. For a start I haven’t got anything wear.”  
“Brian has loads of spares. And anyway you knew it was a pool party lol.”  
I smirked at Nick. The thought of Nick in a pair of speedos was a slight turn on. But I couldn’t let that be seen on my face.  
“No it’s okay. You carry on and have fun.” Nick replied.  
“We’re playing pool badminton,” I then leaned in to Nick’s ear, “I can sit on your shoulders.”  
Nick smirked, “You always were the persuasive one.”  
I stood up, and put my hands on my hips, “Well you were the one who was always up for a laugh. So are we gonna turn that frown upside down?”  
And I offered my hand out to Nick. He looked up at me and smiled, “Go on then.”  
He then took my hand. His hands were so soft. The image of his hands all over my body set my body on fire. I smiled and Nick went to go and get in the pool gear. He got changed and he power bombed into the pool, wetting everyone in the face.  
“He’s here!” AJ shouted.  
Howie shouted, “It’s about time. Thought he’d gone all boring on us then.”  
Nick shrugged his shoulders, “I was persuaded.”  
He looked at me and smiled.  
AJ laughed, “Wasn’t hard then.”  
So the next the match was AJ and Rochelle vs Nick and I. We won that match. It was so much fun. The amount of times the girls fell off the guys’ shoulders was hilarious. It was the best night since being here. It felt like the good old times, where we would just piss about. Brian and Leighanne tried to cheat their way through the matches but they were kicked out first. At the end Kevin and Kristin were the winners. Nick got quite competitive whereas I was just laughing. As it was getting later and darker we called it quits. Everyone was staying over, and well Nick had no choice as Lauren fucked off with the car lol. We all got ready in our jammies, all sat in Brian’s cinema room, watched a film and then we all headed up to our rooms for the night. 

I entered my room, attached my phone to its charger and opened my window. I then climbed into my bed as I was shattered. The night was a complete success. Just as I was about to turn my lamp off to go to sleep, my phone pinged.

‘Hey it’s Nick, had fun today  xx’  
I smiled at the sight of the message, ‘Yeah it was fun. How you get my number? Xx’  
Waiting in anticipation on the answer.  
‘I got it off Brian. You had gone to the toilet and so I asked xx’  
I gave up texting; I was too tired for that shit. So I pressed the call number.

“Who’s a sneaky dog then?”  
“You should know me by now Lindz,” Nick laughed.  
“Yeah I should do.” I laughed, “Anyway goodnight Nick. See you in the morning.”  
“Night love. Sweet dreams.” Nick replied and ended the call.  
I turned off my lamp and turned on my side where I slowly fell into a deep sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

“NOOO!!”  
I jumped up out of my sleep. I was sweaty, shaking and fucking scared. I had woken myself up from a nightmare, which was a nightmare I hadn’t experienced for a long fucking time. I tried to shake it off, but I just couldn’t. I tried to lie back down to doze back off but I couldn’t. This nightmare has definitely took hold of my mind. I grabbed my phone and it was 6:40am. I thought no point now, might as well get up. So I climbed out of bed, and grabbed my dressing gown. Rubbing my eyes, I placed my hair in a messy bun and whilst holding my phone, I opened my door quietly and made my way to the kitchen. I had my head down, rubbing my head. As I walked into the kitchen, a voice chirped up.

“Morning sleepyhead.”  
I stopped in my tracks, squinted at the person who said that. I picked up my glasses out my dressing down and wore them to see Nick stood in front of me.  
“Oh morning,” I looked again, “What you doing up? Thought you’d be well away.”  
“Morning bird now,” Nick smiled, “Although I could say the same about you.”  
As I sat down at the breakfast bar facing Nick, he handed me a cup of coffee. I thanked him and took a sip of it. He always knew how I liked it.  
“You remembered? I’m impressed,” I smiled at Nick.  
Nick smiled back, “I had practice… plus you weren’t you without your coffee.”  
We both laughed.  
“Anyway you don’t look like you’ve slept well. Everything okay Lindz?”  
I nodded, “its fine. Just mares so don’t worry about it.”  
“I hope it wasn’t a mare about me?” Nick asked concerned.  
I laughed, “That’s funny but no. I could never have a mare about you lad.”  
I took another sip of my coffee, taking in the views, watching Nick cook something up in the kitchen. Even though it was Brian’s house people were allowed to just cook something if they were hungry. That was one thing I give Nick credit for. He was a bloody good cook.  
“You want some?” Nick asked.  
I looked at what he was cooking, intrigued, “What’s cooking?”  
“My specialty.” He smirked. And by that he meant pancakes lol. How I miss the taste of the pancakes. He never told me how he cooked them either. So as he was cooking us both some pancakes, my phone pinged a message. I took a look at it and was taken aback.

‘The truth will be told Lindz’  
I thought what the actual fuck? Who the fuck was this? I went to reply back but it failed to send. It was unknown, and as I looked it had been sent from a website that you can send free messages from. I shook it off and put my phone down, when I received another one.  
‘I’d watch your back, Nick will find out everything.’

Just then, “Who’s texting you?”  
Nick suddenly came over my shoulder from behind. I jumped.  
“Fuck me Nick… scare me why don’t you?”  
Nick stood back and put his hand up, “Sorry. Didn’t mean too.”  
He could see I was actually genuinely scared he did that and was concerned, “Are you alright?”  
I looked up from my phone and at Nick, “Yeah course I am. You just got me that’s all.”  
I then saw the messages and pressed the delete button. Who the hell has my number? And how do they know? Surely it’s just someone taking the piss??

Everyone else eventually got up from their pits, had breakfast and all got dressed to venture out. Kevin and Kristin had to leave because they had promised to meet up with a few relatives from Kristin’s family. Howie and Leigh were picking their kids up to go to a kids play centre as one of their son’s friends was having a birthday party. And Baylee went out to some mate’s house. So it left AJ, Rochelle, Brian, Leighanne, Nick and I. We all decided to venture out together. Brian knew this place where we all could get a few drinks and just chill out as friends. It was so nice to finally catch up with people. 

“So Lindz how have you enjoyed America so far?” Rochelle asked. Rochelle seemed to be the one that I warmed to the most. She was so natural and so easy going. Down to earth, just like AJ. Probably why they suited each other.  
I looked at her, “I’m having fun, yeah. It seems weird being here after all this time. Being able to hang with you guys again, despite everything,” I looked at Nick. He smiled.  
I realised it was my round for drinks. I got up to the bar to order, when Nick came up towards me.  
“Here let me help you.”  
“Thanks Nick,” he took the tray of drinks over to the table and came back to help with more. As we waited I placed a hand on his arm. I had no idea where the urge came from but I felt like I had too.  
“Nick… I’m sorry. I really am.” I looked up at him. He placed a hand on my hand.  
He smiled, “I know Lindz, it’s okay.”  
“But it’s not,” I answered, “I fucked it up and it was me that pissed off. With no explanation. And I’m sorry for that Nick. I understand you are probably wondering and collecting questions in your head…”  
Nick shrugged his shoulders, “Well now you come to mention it, I do Lindz. I just wanna know why?”  
He looked at me in the eye, wondering if I was gonna answer his question. I took a deep breath, “I’m not ready to answer that Nick and hopefully when I do you will understand why.”  
He did look confused, “Not really, but okay. I’m not the one to push someone. But you got to understand Lindz; I believed I had done something extremely wrong. You left and didn’t leave me anything. Not even a note to say why.”  
I shook my head “Then I will let you know now, it wasn’t anything you said or did. You didn’t do anything wrong Nick.”  
Nick nodded and smiled, “Least I know that.” And he put his arms around me pulling me into a side hug, which I accepted of course.

As we sat back down to face the others, my phone rang. It was a private number. I answered but they ended the call almost simultaneously. I never thought anything of it. We carried on having a conversation that seemed to flow graciously. Nick ended up leaving due to Lauren calling and being a bit of a dick with him. But as it was getting to the evening we parted our ways. We said goodbye to AJ and Rochelle. Where me and Rochelle exchanged numbers as we said we would go out sometime just us two. I got the feeling Rochelle just wanted a few close friends who wasn’t in the lime light, drama free as I would call it. 

Brian, Leighanne and I got back to the house where they whipped up an amazing lasagne for tea. To end the night, we chilled out in the living room and eventually we called it an early night. As I entered my room, my phone rang again. And again it was unknown. I hesitated but I answered it anyway.

“Hello?”  
The voice laughed, “Hi Lindz.”  
I recognized it instantly.  
“Aaron!”  
“Got it in one!”  
I started to shake, “But how the fuck did you get this number?”  
Aaron laughed again, “Just be careful in future who has your number. People can access spouses phones.”  
Was that a riddle? What did he mean by that?  
“What do you want Aaron?”  
Aaron replied, “Nothing, really. I guess making you squirm fascinates me”  
“Get a fucking grip. You disgust me!”  
“Haha not what I thought, it will come out Lindz. And I will make sure of that.”  
I was started to feel quite nauseous, “What will come out Aaron?”  
I couldn’t see his face but I could feel the smirk, “The real reason why you left Nick all those years ago. No matter how my brother feels about me, he will believe me.”  
“Fuck you Aaron.”  
And I abruptly ended the call. Surely he was bluffing. And surely Nick wouldn’t believe his words? I suddenly felt sick and ran to the toilet to throw my guts up. I feel like I may have to tell Nick the truth before something twisted comes out and we all know if it came from Aaron fucking Carter!


	10. Chapter 10

Part 9

A week has passed and I kept getting harassed by Aaron. It was affecting my sleep and not to mention my relationships with the boys and their wives. I didn’t wanna go out anywhere or be anywhere because of him. I can’t believe after all this time and that dickhead can still affect me in this way. When will it ever stop? When would I feel more like me? Howie was having a get together in the club around the corner to celebrate hi solo project being successful and it to be opening its first how up the night after. He had created a theatre project for the people to go and see what it was all about. I had received a message off Nick asking if I would be his plus 1. And although hesitantly, I offered and I went shopping. Retail therapy helps me massively. I managed to find a lovely blue sequined little number dress, showing off my killer legs. My bond I had redeveloped with Nick was lovely. He was very open with how much he still cared about me and wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to me, but so did I feel the same for him. And yes there were a few flirty messages thrown at each other in the past week. So as I had got ready I received a message form Nick. He was outside waiting to pick us up in the taxi.

We made our way into the club. I had the urge to go in linking with Nick’s arm. He smiled and seemed to be happy in the way we walked through the entrance. We instantly noticed the boys and their wives in the other room where we all exchanged hugs and cheek kisses. As I was about to sit near Rochelle to talk, I got a beer shoved in my face. It was Nick, he had gone to the bar and got us a drink bless him.  
“Here Lindz.”  
I smiled back after taking the beer off him, “Thanks Nick. My round next okay?”  
Nick nodded and stuck a thumb up and went sitting with the boys.

*Nick POV*  
She is beautiful. But then again Lindz always was beautiful. Her bubbly character never has faltered from the first day I met her. He then reminisced the first day he had met Lindz. They were in England, Manchester and was touring, when the boys had a backstage sound check and one of the fans were Lindz. Her long black hair, the smell of roses around her aroma was so fascinating. I wanted more, I wanted to know more. But little did he know it would have blossomed into a relationship. She always seemed to get me, she understood me, on the same wavelength as I was. In fact she is on my wave length now. I wish Lauren was more fun and adventurous but she seems to have lost the fun in her now. I respect her as my wife and the mother of my son Odin. But something lacks with her. 

“Hey Nick,”  
Nick turned around to face Brian, “Yo B-rok!”  
The brothers walked into a big manly hug.  
“Lauren not here?”  
Nick shook his head, “Nope, she has Odin. Brought Lindz instead.”  
Brian smirked, “I can see that.”  
“Nick looked confused “What’s wrong?”  
Brian laughed, “Nothing bro. Just need stick your eyes back in.”  
Nick smirked, “Am I that obvious?”  
Brian laughed and nodded, “Yeah bro. I thought that ship sailed?”  
“I dunno man” Nick shrugged his shoulders, “It’s complicated.”  
Brian placed his hand on Nick’s shoulder, “Dude, I get it. I mean Lindz is an attractive woman. I still see the click between you two.” He winked to Nick.  
Nick just laughed and blushed. The one person who knew Nick inside and out was his brother Brian. They aren’t called Frick and Frack for nothing, and the fact that Brian was Nick’s official guardian in the early days, makes them more family than ever. 

As I was in deep conversation I hadn’t realised my phone had pinged. It was Rochelle, that mentioned it had lit up in my phone. I looked at it.  
“You have got 5 minutes to tell Nick everything Lindz. I’m outside”  
It was from Aaron, and my heart sank deeper than the deep blue sea. Rochelle was worried as my face altered and I said I’m okay and that I needed to talk to Nick. I got up , waved to Nick to get his attention and then made a hand gesture as if he wanted a drink. Which he nodded for. So I went to the bar and got us both a beer each and went over to Nick.  
“There you go Nick.”  
Nick looked at me, grinned and kissed me on the forehead, “Thanks babe.”  
Then he realised what he had said, “Err… oh wow that was awkward. I…”  
“It’s fine Nick, don’t sweat it”. And we laughed it off. It was awkward but nice, if you can ever have a nice awkwardness. We carried on chatting with each other and the others. Just as I went to get back up from the chair a very familiar voice was heard.

“Now this is cosy isn’t it?” It was Aaron.  
He looked at Nick, “Brother!” and then he turned to me, I gulped hard, “Have you told him Lindz?”


	11. Chapter 11

Part 10

I didn’t know where to put my face when I saw him across the table staring at us. Grinning like he had won the jackpot. He made my skin physically crawl.  
“So have you?” He looked at me.  
“What you doing here?”  
Nick stood up and bellowed, “What are you doing here brother?”  
Aaron looked at his brother, “Nice to see you too brother. I’m here to see the truth unfold. I told her to tell you the truth or I will.”

Nick was looking even more confused and sat back into his chair. He took a sip of his drink and then turned to look at me.  
“Lindz… what is he on about?”  
I was shaking at this point, “I have no idea Nick. You know what he is like when he has an idea in his head.”  
Nick wasn’t quite so sure about that though, “Then what do I need to know?”  
I shrugged my shoulders. I couldn’t look at Nick in the eyes anymore. I felt a panic overload in my head.  
“Well you wanna know why she left then this is her chance to say.”  
Aaron laughed nastily, “I’ll give you a clue Nick… that little Angel tattoo she has near her lady garden was such an amazing view.” He winked.  
That was when I felt nauseous. I was sick to my stomach. I was shaking frantically.  
Nick’s look started to turn sour as though he had clicked on, and so he turned to me with what was anger in his eyes.  
“Lindz!”  
I had put my head down.  
“You and my brother?” Nick picked my chin up so I can look at him.  
“Nick… I…” He didn’t give me the time and day to explain something that needed to be said. A little tear fell from my eye. I knew the story had to come out. Nick shook his head, got up and walked away. I was sat there feeling quite exposed and lost.

“Lindz and Aaron?” Kevin exclaimed, “That’s not right.”  
He turned to AJ, “do you believe that?”  
Brian shook his head, “Not one bit. Look at her face. She looks terrified by him more than anything.”  
“Reckon something did happen though?” Howie asked.  
Leigh answered, “Possibly but I think it’s not how Aaron is claiming it to be. She is shaking and she is on the verge to burst into tears.”  
And indeed I was sobbing hard. I saw him, Aaron stood there grinning and making me feel so angry that he had just painted me the bad guy.  
“Guys!” Kristin exclaimed, they are looked at her, “You don’t think Aaron….?”  
She was moving her head around as she was trying to explain but without the words.  
“You mean?” Leighanne asked, and worded a particular word that Kristin agreed on.  
Kevin answered, “You could be onto something there.”  
“Well I’m gonna go and speak to Nick to see if he is okay, as he doesn’t look it.” Brian said getting up to go see Nick.

All I wanted was Nick to come back and sit down and let me speak to him in private from everyone but a part of me believes this wasn’t gonna happen like I wanted it too. That’s when I wiped my tears and stood up and got the confidence to speak. It made everyone quiet, and stop including Nick. He stood at the door waiting to hear what was gonna be said.  
“ENOUGH AARON!” I bellowed.  
He stood there and laughed at me, “Well Lindz he knows.”  
I came away from the table we were sat near, and stood a foot away from him.  
“Knows what Aaron? He knows jack shit doesn’t he!”  
There was a pause, “You see Aaron, even after all these years. The shit you pulled over Nick’s eyes, the shit you did to Nick on social media, the threats to your family and yet after all that Nick believed you.”  
“Well course he would.”  
“But what you failed to mention that it was YOUR story.”  
Aaron looked at me, grinned and laughed as though he had the control over the situation. He took a step forward, whilst I took one backwards. And then I stood my ground.  
I looked at him in his eyes, “I am not scared of you no more Aaron. You made my life a misery 15 years ago and you think you can make my life a misery again. You are wrong. I am not scared of what is stood in front of me."  
As I took a deep breath, to say what I needed to say I felt a hand brushed against mine and when I looked up, I noticed Nick was by my side. He took hold of my hand and looked at me.  
“Lindz, what do you mean when you say you’re not scared of him anymore? What the fuck did he do to you?”


	12. Chapter 12

I placed my hand onto Nick’s and looked up at him. Tears falling from my eyes. Damn it Lindz! You weren’t supposed to cry about this. Nick was looking at me, with concerns in his eyes.   
“Lindz, please…” Nick seemed to be begging us to say something.  
I nodded, “I’m sorry Nick that you are gonna find out this way” I took a big deep breath, “You were out in Europe touring, I wanted to come however I wasn’t feeling very well. As you were away I found out I was pregnant…”  
There was gasps in the room, Nick included.  
“I just didn’t have any idea if you were the father… or the uncle.” My face fell to the ground, and I balled my eyes out.  
Nick looked around to face his brother, and stared at him. Aaron was smirking at his brother. He then turned back to me, sensed something wasn’t quite right and whispered in my ear, “Was it consensual babe?”  
I shook my head, “I’m so sorry Nick. I wanted to tell you but…”  
Nick placed a finger on my lips, “Shhh… go and get some fresh air, and I’ll be with you in a minute.”  
Howie said he would come with me to get some fresh air as right now I didn’t feel like I wanted to be left alone.   
Nick turned to Aaron, and it was as though the boys knew the next step. AJ stood up and held Nick back, “Bro he isn’t worth it.”  
Nick looked at AJ, “He raped my girlfriend, all this time she has had to endure in her head whatever that bastard did to her. I’m gonna kill him.”  
“Nick, please. Rochelle is sorting it now.” AJ looked at Nick. Rochelle had rang the police whilst she was in the toilet and so they were on their way.  
“So? What have you got to say for yourself prick?” Nick asked Aaron.  
Aaron laughed, “You honestly believe her story. Bro I’m family.”  
“You’re no brother of mine.”

I was outside in the side area with Howie when he hugged me.  
“You okay Lindz?” Howie asked.  
I shook my head, “No not really. I’m so sorry Howie.”  
Howie was confused and sat at the side of me, “What have you got to be sorry about?”  
Trying to speak but I could feel myself filling up again, “For this. This was your party and it’s been ruined.”  
Howie looked at me, “Lindz its fine. We can still have a few drinks and that.”  
“Thanks Howie.”  
The door went and it was Nick. Howie stood up and put his hand on Nick’s shoulder and walked back inside. 

*Nick’s POV*  
I should have known it was something else. My God I was angry with her for all the wrong reasons, and now all of this. I cannot imagine how she must have been feeling, suffering. Look at her; I’ve never seen her so… broke. I don’t know what to do or say to her. I can’t imagine this happening. Her dealing with it and not telling me. I was her boyfriend, I was meant to protect her. This was my entire fault; I left her at home around that bastard. And now seeing her so vulnerable, so sad and distraught… just makes me wanna wrap my arms around her and tell her it’s gonna be okay. I need to see if she is okay.

Nick came and sat at the side of me, I was still looking out into the surroundings.   
“Hey!”  
I snapped out of it and looked at Nick, “Hey. I’m so sorry…”  
“No please don’t Lindz. I need to apologise. I wasn’t there for you, I was meant to look after you and protect you. And I didn’t do what a boyfriend should have been doing.”  
He put his arm around me, “Come here, thinks we both could do with this hug?”  
I smiled and I leant into his arms, placing my face onto his chest. I could feel his heart beating so fast, it was as though it wanted out of his chest. He wrapped his arms around me so tight I thought my oxygen levels would be severed, and he planted a kiss on my head. I started again, I sobbed into his shirt while he held me there.  
“I’m here now Lindz,” He whispered to me.  
I lifted my head up, found some tissue in my bag and started wiping my face dry. I laughed because Nick had got mascara on his shirt, “I really should buy waterproof make up.”  
We both laughed and smiled. I stood up and brushed myself off. I looked at Nick and held my hands out.  
“Come on, are we going back in?” I asked. He nodded and grabbed my hands and pulled him up. As I was walking away he pulled me back. He had tears in his eyes. I wiped them away off his face with my thumb.   
“Nick you okay?”  
Nick looked at me, “Did you find out who was the father?”  
I turned to Nick and cupped his face and smiled, “Yes. Turned out I was a lot further than I had expected. So there were only ever you Nick.”  
I could see he wanted to know more, “I lost the baby though.”  
He nodded and hugged me, “Lindz, it’s gonna be okay babe.”  
And we walked back into the club, me linking Nick’s arm.

We walked back into the club where we came faced with the group. They were all looking at me, I’m sure they all wanted to speak to me, ask me how I was and I dunno perhaps hug me and all that jazz. Nick went to the bar and got us a drink.   
“Look guys, we have all come here to celebrate Howie’s solo project. The fact that it is finished and is ready to show off to all the Backstreet fans. Let’s get the DJ to turn the music up and let’s carry on with this party shall we?” I exclaimed.  
Everyone stood up with agreement, Nick had come back with my drink and I just said, “A toast for Howie. I may not have been here for the last 15 years but I can assure you I have been watching you all grow up, mature and evolve into your own characters. Howie, my forever big brother you were, I am very proud of you and your accomplishments. So here’s to Howie!”  
“To Howie,” Everyone clanged their drinks together. And sat back down to carry on with the night. Howie came up to me, and hugged me tightly.  
“Thank for that little speech Lindz, its means a massive lot for me” I smiled at him, “And as your big brother I’ve always wondered what you were up to and worried about you.”  
“Aww Howie, stop you’ll get me started again” I chuckled and we embraced each other in a huge hug.


	13. Chapter 13

The night carried on and we partied hard. Not drink wise, but dance wise. I had to change my heels into my flats as my feet couldn’t take much more damage to them. Everyone was having a fantastic time. There were laughs, singing, and more importantly love. As I sat down to change my heels, I took the surroundings in. I couldn’t believe after 15 years I am back here enjoying the girls and the boys companies. As if we hadn’t lost that time together. I had also noticed something that hadn’t changed, Nick. He was still the happy go lucky guy he was back in the day. And still very… flirty. Haha I had to laugh at him because well he was Nick. Then again he was gorgeous, and he knew it lol. I’m not gonna lie, there was chemistry between us again, but he is now married and that is just a no for me despite I want him. I just enjoy the flirting to be honest, makes me feel wanted again. 

“Hey!”  
I looked up to see Nick in front of me, “Hey Nick, you okay?”  
He nodded, “You taking a break? Thought you could dance all night long.”  
I pointed to the flats I was putting on my feet and he laughed, “Fair enough, come on.”  
And he grabbed my hand and pulled me on the dance floor, without even giving me a chance to say anything. Soon enough we were dancing away to whatever the song was when I felt this arm come around my waist. Nick had pulled me in closer to him and before I could think we were grinding along each other. My heart was beating so fast with anticipation. I wanted to carry on but I knew it was wrong. But yet my body wasn’t following my brain. It had a mind of its own. Suddenly I got a shudder down my spine as Nick came closer to my ear.  
“You girl, smell amazing tonight. Drives my senses wild babe!” Nuzzling his nose into my neck. Slowly and sexually he started to kiss my neck in the spot that makes me go weak at the knees. The sly bastard remembered; I had to turn to break it.  
“Hey you need to watch what you’re doing Nick”  
Nick looked shocked, “Sorry Lindz, I just thought…”  
“Well you thought wrong.” And I walked off the dance floor and went to the toilet. But not because of Nick, I needed the loo.

PAT! Brian came running over to Nick and overly patted him on the shoulder.  
“Ouch bro, that hurt.”  
Brian snarled, “Good. What the hell you think you’re doing?”  
Nick rolled his eyes, “Give it a rest yeah Brian”.  
You could tell Brian wasn’t happy with Nick at the moment, he was hissing at him and shaking his head in disappointment and wearing a disapproved face on.

The night came to an end and we all went our own separate ways. It had been an amazing night considering the start of it. Whenever we go out, so he doesn’t disturb Lauren and the baby, Nick stays at Brian’s. We all got in and sat down in the living room on the couches.  
“That was a wicked night!” Leighanne said.  
I nodded, “It was yeah. I really enjoyed myself. We need to do it again sometime.”  
Brian replied, “It would be awesome to do another time. Nick you should invite Lauren next time.”  
Nick darted at me and then had a slight disappointment on his face but quickly hid it with a smile, “Yeah brother, Lauren and I haven’t had a night out since Odin was born so be good to get out the house.”  
I got up, and stretched my arms and yawned, “Going somewhere Lindz?” Nick asked.  
I looked at him and nodded, “Yeah, I’m shattered. Time for sleep I think.”

So after saying my goodnights to Leighanne, Brian and Nick I got into my bedroom, into the En suite and turned the shower on. Set out my night jammies onto my bed and then got into the shower. After getting out the shower, I dried myself, got into my satin plush pink strappy top and short jammies and then started my night time skin routine. Just as I started to use my toner, my phone buzzed.

‘Hey, tonight was a great night. Glad you came with me’ the message read. It was Nick.  
I replied, ‘It was a good night. Thanks for inviting me.’  
My phone buzzed again, ‘Anytime Lindz’.  
‘Goodnight Nick’. And I pressed send. When I did I heard a buzz just outside my bedroom door. I listened for a little bit realising there was someone stood there.  
“You can come in you know,” I shouted.  
The door opened and Nick came walking in, “Are you sure? Don’t wanna bother you.”  
I nodded that is was fine and patted the side of the bed as to say he can come and sit on the bed. I carried on doing my skin routine. Nick sat in silence and just watched me. I looked back at him, “You okay Nick?”  
He smiled, “Course I am. I’m just admiring the view.”  
I could see his bottom lip was turning in, “You never seem to amaze me Nick” I laughed.  
Nick looked confused, “Well I can’t help it. You are beautiful Lindz. Always was.” I blushed a bit.  
I finished my routine and slid under my duvet and lied there looking up at Nick and smiled, “Did you wanna speak to me about something? The amount of times you’ve stayed here and this is the first you’ve been stood outside my door.”  
You could see he was trying to think about something, “Well as a matter of fact yeah I did.”  
He looked at me, and grabbed my hand. “I’m sorry Lindz, for everything.”  
I looked at him, “Erm, what have you got to be sorry for Nick?”  
He went to answer, and then put his head down. I cupped his chin and lifted his head up so I could look into those piercing blue eyes of his.  
“Nick, please don’t feel like you have to apologise. It wasn’t your fault…”  
“It was, I left you there… didn’t realise he would…”  
I took his hand, “Hey come on now. We’ve had a good night all of us, you’ve had a few drinks. Don’t let it bother you tonight. Like you said earlier, it’s over now.”  
And with that Nick looked at me, stroked my cheek down to my chin and leant in and planted a kiss on my cheek, “Well in that case, I’ll leave you to get your head down sweet. It’s getting late.”  
As he got up, I stopped him. He then looked back at me, “What is it?”  
I had no idea what came over me. He is a married man. I should let him go back to his room, but something was telling me not too.  
“Could you stay tonight Nick? You know in here?”  
He looked at me shocked, “But I, er…”  
“I know it’s wrong for me to ask that of you. It’s just I could do with a cuddle right about now.”  
He smiled, “Well while it’s you and you asked so nicely.”  
He went round to the other side of my bed. Undid his pants, sat down and took them off. I lifted the covers up so he could get in and he put his left arm out and I turned to face him and snuggled my face into his chest, with my arm around his mid region. We lay there for less than a minute when Nick wrapped his right arm on top of my arm that was around his mid region. Snuggling his face into my hair and sniffing it.  
“I’ve missed this Lindz”  
I replied, “Me too Nick. Me too… Goodnight.”  
“Goodnight Lindz” Nick replied planting a kiss on my forehead.  
And with an instant I was asleep. I can’t tell you how or why. Perhaps it was the feeling of being secured again helped me doze off. Or perhaps it was because Nick was stroking my hair that helped me fall asleep instantly. All I knew was I had fallen asleep in his arms.

*Nicks POV*  
I’m in bed with a beautiful woman, cuddling her to sleep. It was wrong of me, but deep down it felt so right. I will protect Lindz from now on. I haven’t felt this content for such a long time. Her leg has now wrapped itself around me and it is the best feeling in the world to just know she is here with me again… tonight has made me realise something. I do still love this girl very much!! However I don’t know what to do with that realisation!!!


	14. Chapter 14

*The Next Morning*

“LINDZ!”  
I opened one eye, sleepily trying to figure out where the hell that bellow came from. I sat up, rubbed my eyes when I clearly saw where the direction of the bellow was. Stood in my room looking at me angrily was Brian.  
“Oh hey Brian, what’s up?”  
“What’s up? I tried to find Nick this morning and when I couldn’t I came here and funnily enough he is here”.   
I looked over at my side where Nick was fast asleep, arms crossed as he slept. I have always wondered whether that was a comfort thing for him, I must ask him why he does that. I smiled instantly and then turned back to Brian, “Seriously man?! Look nothing happened okay?”   
Brian then walked to the side Nick was sleeping on and picked Nick’s pants up to just throw them back on the ground.  
“He has his bloody boxers on Brian, and his shirt. Look he came to my room, wanting a talk. We talked and because it was late and we both know how clumsy Nick can get I told him to just stay in here for tonight. We cuddled yeah, but that was it. I promise”  
Brian’s expression lessened, “Okay, I am putting my trust in you there Lindz. Anyway kettles boiled.”  
I smiled at Brian, “Thanks Brian, I’ll be out in a sec.”  
And Brian left the room. I sat up properly and glanced at the sleeping beauty on my right side. I was quite torn; to stay in bed or go for a brew. I chose to get out of bed trying to not wake Nick up. I grabbed my dressing gown and placed it on whilst walking to the kitchen. 

Leighanne and Brian were sat in the kitchen at the breakfast bar.  
“Morning guys!” I had said.  
Leighanne replied, “Morning Lindz. Sleep well?”  
I nodded. It was true I had slept well. In fact it was the first time in a long while since I had good sleep. “Yeah Leighanne, was a great sleep.”  
As I sat down at the side of Leighanne she started to giggle.  
“What?” I asked smirking.  
Leighanne just laughed, “You seem to have a spring in your step this morning.”  
I shook my head, “Not you too? Jeez Haha”  
“Would you though?” Leighanne asked me. I knew full well what she meant.  
I blushed red, “Think we all know I so would. But he is married now, different ball game.”  
I went over to the coffee machine, pulled out two cups and made a brew for both Nick and I and then walked back to my room, to see that Nick is still sleeping and taking most of the bed. He must have sensed he was on his own. He used to be an absolute nightmare hogging the bed and the duvet quilt. I placed Nick’s brew on the bedside near him and then I put mine on my side and climbed back in bed. As I jumped back in bed, Nick’s arm came flying over my lap. Once his arm was over then came his head. He placed his sleepy head on my lap. Normally I would have moved someone who had done that but I left Nick there while I sipped my brew. My urges were back, I looked at him, and all I wanted to do was to run my fingers through his bedhead of hair. There is one thing thinking it, but me being me went to a different level. I did it; I ran my fingers through his silky blonde hair, when he led out a soft groan. In a way although the groan was innocent (assuming it was innocent, God knows what the guy was dreaming about) it sent flutters in my heart. Movement started as though Nick was waking up. 

“Hey sleepy head,” I had said to him.  
You could tell he was slightly confused, which made him look cute. He rubbed his eyes and then looked at me again. He instantly smirked.  
“Hey beautiful, you okay?”  
I nodded, “I am. Did you have a good sleep?”  
“Well how could I not? Sharing a bed with a beautiful woman. I mean you were such a tease even in your sleep. I see you haven’t stopped that.”  
I looked at him wondering what the hell I did. He could see the confusion on my face and laughed.  
“At one point we were spooning and let’s just say I don’t wanna know what you were dreaming of Lindz. Must have been good though but by God I had to turn over. I don’t think I could have stood the grinding for much longer.”  
I suddenly blushed red raw, “Oh… I’m so sorry Nick, but that’s hilarious.”  
Nick grinned, “It wasn’t at the time. You know how to tempt girl.” And he winked.  
“Well your brew at the side of you. Luckily it should still be warm.”  
“That’s my girl,” Nick sat up, grabbed his brew and drank a bit, “Just how I like it, thanks Lindz.”

Just then my phone rang. I picked it up.  
“Hey Rochelle, how are you girl?”  
Rochelle replied, “I’m good Lindz. And you?”  
“I’m great thanks. What’s up?”  
“Nothing, just wondering if you fancy lunch over here later on?”  
I answered, “I’d love to Rochelle, will message when I set out”  
“No worries see you later Lindz.”

“You’re quite close to Rochelle aren’t you?” Nick asked.  
I nodded, “I love all the girls to be honest. I just feel there was an instant friendship there with Rochelle. She is such a nice girl.”  
Nick smiled “You always were the friendly one Lindz.”  
I looked at Nick, “Must be my natural instinct. Or my past of having little to no friends in school. I can relate feeling a bit left out if you get me.”  
“Yeah totally get ya.”

I got out of bed and walked into my En suite where I ran the shower. Whilst that was running I started to get my clothes ready to wear for that day. All the while I realised Nick was still in my room. I looked at him, wondering what he was doing  
“Reet I’m off for a shower Nick.”  
Nick nodded whilst looking on his phone, “No worries.”  
I laughed, “Well… get out my room then haha”  
Nick looked up, “Oh yeah shit sorry love. See you out there then.”  
Once Nick got his pants on, he walked out of my room to I assume meet Brian and Leighanne in the kitchen. I got into my shower, washed my hair and just stood under the running water from the shower head for a bit. It felt so therapeutic.

“Hey Nick!” Leighanne said, “How did you sleep?”  
“Like a baby Leighanne” He laughed.  
Brian said, “I trust Lindz’s word for it. Best not have been anything going on last night.”  
Nick rolled his eyes, “Seriously dude, can you just drop it once in a while. The girl wanted a bit of company last night and after what happened earlier on yesterday it was something I at least could have done for her.”  
Leighanne looked at Brian and did a hand gesture like dropping the mic, “Well that’s you told babe.”  
“I can’t stop anyway, Lauren’s messaged me so I’ve gotta get back soon. Thanks for letting us stay though bro.”  
Brian smiled and nodded, “No problem.”  
I had entered the kitchen after getting ready. I was sat with Brian, Leighanne and now Baylee while Nick got his stuff and said his byes before jumping into his car to drive back home. I finished my breakfast, went and brushed my teeth and then got my car keys to set off to go and meet Rochelle.  
“Where are you off too?” Brian asked me.  
I replied, “Oh I got a call from Rochelle and she’s invited me over there for lunch so I’m gonna make tracks so I don’t get stuck in the traffic rush.”  
“Oh okay, have fun Lindz.”  
I smiled, “Thanks Leighanne”

As I left the front door and got into my car, my phone pinged.  
‘Thanks for the cuddle last night, I have a feeling you’re gonna be trouble for me babes, Nick xx’  
I just put my phone on the dashboard and started my engine to set off to Rochelle.


	15. Chapter 15

After a few hours driving I finally got to the driveway of AJs and Rochelle’s house. I pinged her to say I was around the corner so when I got out the car, Rochelle and little Ava was already waiting at the door.  
Ava came running over to me giving me a massive hug.  
“Hey Ava!”  
“Lindz, I’ve got something to show you.” Ava smiled. I just looked at her, nodded and smiled.  
I walked with Ava to the front door and hugged Rochelle. We entered the house and into the living room where AJ was sat on the couch with Lyric.

“Hey Lindz, nice of you to come.” AJ said.  
I replied, “Thanks for inviting us.”  
“Last night was a great night.” AJ said. AJ stood up and gave us a hug.  
I nodded, “Best night out for a while.”  
Rochelle came into the living room with a brew and we sat there chatting away about the night before. Ava wanted to show me something so we went and played in her room for a bit while Rochelle and AJ prepared lunch. We were playing dress up, Beauty and the Beast and I had to be the beast lol. I found it hilarious and it was fun playing with the girl. She was so bubbly and just like her dad. Lyric their youngest daughter was more chilled like Rochelle. I think we played this dress up for just over 2 hours when we were called to the dinner table. Ava went and washed her hands like she was instructed and we went to the dining room.  
“So Lindz, have you heard about what the boys have been talking about recently?” Rochelle asked.  
I looked with confusion and shook my head, “No I haven’t.”  
“Well me and the boys have been meeting up and talking about another BSB cruise.” AJ answered.  
I nodded, “Oh yeah that. I heard Leighanne and Brian talking about it the other night. When are you announcing it for the fans? Sounds like it’s gonna be fun.  
AJ replied, “Well the dates are being announced in a couple of days and then the tickets be on sale a week later. The cruise is gonna happen in around eight weeks’ time.”  
I nodded, “Bet that’s gonna be cool for you guys.”  
“Well what I’ve done is I’ve booked you your cabin Lindz.”  
I looked at Rochelle and then at AJ, “Is this why you wanted me here today?” Rochelle nodded.  
I was shocked, “Wow, I don’t know what to say. I just need to book a cabin for my mates because I was gonna come with a few mates.”  
AJ asked, “How many mates you were thinking?”  
“There’s gonna be four mates with me.”  
AJ grinned, “Leave it with me. I’ll get them a cabin next to you.”  
“Aww well thanks for that AJ. I really appreciate it. Let me know how much I owe and I’ll sort the payment out.”  
Rochelle shook her head, “Don’t worry about payment. We want you and your mates there so we wanna treat you. Is that okay?”  
I was still gobsmacked. I could have cried there and then but I didn’t, “Well if you’re sure thanks guys. Love you.”  
“Love ya too Lindz,” Rochelle answered.

*

“Hey honey, I’m back. I’ve just gone to the grocery store and picked up the things you asked me to get.”  
Nick had just got back home after doing a few errands Lauren asked him to do.  
“Have a good night last night?” Lauren asked..  
Nick nodded, “Was a great night babes. Shame you couldn’t come. But we said next time both of us go. Pay for a babysitter, be a nice change for us.”  
Lauren walked off and went and sat on the couch. Nick went into the kitchen and made them both a brew and then sat in the living area with Lauren whilst baby Odin was sleeping in his Moses basket. Nick could feel tension around him. He turned to Lauren.  
“Babes, are you okay?”  
“I’m shattered Nick. And you stayed out again last night. I assume at Brian’s?”  
Nick nodded, “Well yeah. You know I stay there when I’ve been out.”  
Lauren glared at him, “Well it would be nice to actually wake up with you here for once.”  
Nick rolled his eyes, “Hang on a minute Lauren, when I used to do that you used to bollock me. Now I’ve found another way so I don’t disturb Odin so I don’t disturb you and again you’re having a go at me. What is it you want from me Lauren? I feel like I can’t do anything right.”  
Lauren sighed, “Not this again. I told you that you have no right to feel this way. I carried our son, gave birth to our son and now I’m feeding him all the time.”  
“That’s because you won’t let me Lauren. I had tried to help you out as much as I want but you seem to wanna do it all by yourself. Is this your plan?”  
Lauren looked at Nick, “Plan?”  
“Yeah plan. To do everything yourself so either you don’t need me to help out so you can dictate when and where I can take my son or what I can or can’t do with him.”  
Nick stood up and started to walk away.”  
“Nick where are you going now?”  
Nick answered, “The games room. Need a breather.”

*Nicks POV*  
I seriously don’t know if I carry on like this with Lauren. The girl doesn’t give me a fucking break. I wanna be there for her, help her raise our boy, make the best decisions as a family and as a dad but it’s as though I’m treated like a dumb kid. I hope this gets better, I really do. It’s not fun anymore. I love the girl, I just don’t know if the feelings run deep enough now to deal with this shit. And then that’s when she popped up in my thoughts; Lindz. Why does she pop up whenever I get angry? Has she really become my escape now from all of this? Don’t get me wrong when Lindz and I were together, we barely argued. I mean, I suppose we would make up before than the argument finished Haha. She was sexy when she was mad though, it used to make me go weak at the knees seeing her angry. So I supposed we used to sort our differences out a lot. But she would listen to me; she would let me have feelings. Ffs, if only things were different now!!


	16. Chapter 16

BSB Cruise 

It is the day of the cruise. I was at the harbour with my bags waiting for my friends to turn up so we could go to our cabins together. It’s mad I have one on my own, my girls always asked me how I got one but I couldn’t say. That was only because my bestie Karen was the only one who knew I had dated Nick before. My other girls didn’t.  
I wasn’t waiting for long when I saw my girls come running over.  
“Lindz!”  
“Hey Kimm, how are you girl?” I hugged Kimm. It had been a long time coming this meet up.  
I hugged the other girls.  
“Nice to finally be on this cruise together girlies.”  
“It sure is.” My other beautiful friend was called Sille. In fact they were all beautiful girls. My other friend was also Inke. And not to forget my bestie Karen was with us for the journey. We all hugged and talked non-stop Backstreet Boys. I had a feeling however that my little secret I had kept from them will probably haunt me on this cruise. But I think I was good so far. So we all jumped on the port and onto the cruise ship and followed the directions to where our cabins were. I agreed with the girls that they could share my clothes space as my cabin was massive. Although their cabin was massive, there were 4 of them in there and us being girls we would have brought the wardrobe with us. As we were unpacking my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID, it was AJ. I had to try and hide the ID.  
“Hey!”  
AJ answered, “Hey girl you on the ship now?”  
“Yeah we are dude. Thanks for this.”  
“Hey no sweat. See you on deck for the sailing away party with your friends. You can introduce us to them.”  
“We will see you there.”

“Who was that Lindz?” Sille asked.  
I replied, “Oh just another fan asking if we were already here.”  
“Fair enough. I like meeting new fans” Kimm said.  
Inke answered, “Me too. If it weren’t for the boys we wouldn’t be here would we?”  
“I suppose not.” I exclaimed.  
Karen chirped up, “I totally feel outta place. I mean I’m the only AJ fan here. You’re all Nick girls.”  
I laughed, “I’m sure there are plenty AJ girls out there. Just gotta mingle.”  
We fixed our hair, and make up. Karen came into my cabin to sort herself out whilst Kimm, Sille and Inke got themselves ready in the other cabin.  
“Are you gonna tell them?” Karen paused, “You know about you and Nick?”  
I shook my head, “Not unless it cropped up. They are mates yeah but I don’t think I could tell them that. I mean you haven’t heard their conversations and what these girls wanna do to Nick and I’m like well actually, he might like it. And the reason I say that is because he does. Can’t exactly say I know because I’ve slept with him can I?”  
“I totally get you Lindz, I really do.”  
I carried on, “Plus I didn’t tell them at first because I personally wanted to see if they wanted to be friends with me for me. If I had told them about Nick I didn’t wanna feel like I’m being used. Although I love these girls too bits and deep down I do wanna tell them. I guess I’m just scared with their reaction.”  
We got ourselves ready and went in the foyer where all the fans were stood waiting for the party to officially start.   
The boat started to move and out came the boys. And my mind went into a sudden imagination world. They were dressed like Captains of the Sea. I’m a girl who is a sucker for men in uniform. My heart instantly fluttered. Personally they all looked really sexy in their outfits but my eye was set properly on Nick. He was swooning that suit. He was killing it! I could see Kimm, Sille and Inke getting lost in their deep thoughts, which I sniggered. And I saw Karen staring at AJ. In a way I felt really happy, on a BSB cruise with my girls, who seems to be happy.  
“OMG what I could do to that man!” Kimm blurted out.  
Inke replied, “The suit would be coming off straightaway.”  
Sille nodded in agreement, “Too right! He can keep the hat on though. Fuck me he is so gorgeous.”  
I’m not exaggerating when I say this- if I had buckets for the lot of them, the buckets would have been filled with some kind of bodily fluid. You could see their bodies twitching of the sight of him, including myself. I just somehow kept it so calm.  
“How are you keeping it so calm Lindz?” Sille asked. I laughed.  
Kimm said, “Lindz you are quite calm. I’m a nervous wreck. I feel my cycle could start at any moment.”  
“Well he does do something to our bodies that is no lie.” I sniggered.  
Karen said, “Well I’m just glad I don’t have to share AJ with any of you girls.”  
I smiled, “Yep seems like the man is all yours.”

“You ready boys?” Kevin asked the boys.  
AJ nodded, “I’m excited for what’s ahead on this cruise.”  
“It is gonna be the best one yet” Brian exclaimed.  
Howie jumped in, “Oh yeah, drinks galore on this one”  
“I can see we are gonna have some fun tonight” Nick smirked.  
Brian turned to Nick, “Hey, you keep it clean you.”  
AJ laughed, “Party pooper”  
“Well it’s like I always say boys” Nick paused, “What happens on the cruise? Stays on the cruise.” And with that Nick had a massive grin on his face.   
The boys broke the screams of the girls by speaking on the microphone. They were gonna be walking around to each floor to say hi to the fans and give the fans an opportunity to take selfies with them.

As we stood on our floor, and chatted to one another, I suddenly had three girls tapping me on my shoulder.  
I looked around and saw these girls. I’ve never seen them before.  
“Hiya, can I help you with anything?” I asked intrigued.  
One of the girls replied, “Actually yeah, what’s your name hun?”  
“Lindz.”  
The girls looked at each other as though we were thinking of something.  
“Are you Nick’s ex, Lindz?” Another girl approached me.  
I darted at Karen. Shit what do I say?!  
Kimm jumped in, “Think you have the wrong girl, ladies. She has the same name but it’s not our Lindz. Right Lindz?”  
I looked at Karen, she looked at me as to tell them the truth.  
“Lindz?” Inke tried to get my attention.  
Sille asked, “You can’t be Nick’s ex? Tell them you can’t be.”  
“Yeah my mates are right, you have the wrong girl.”  
The girls looked at each other, “Well you are a double of her if you are not.”  
Kimm said, “Well she has just said she isnt’.”  
“Well in that case, I’m really sorry to bother you.”  
And off they went. I sigh a relief. But the girls clearly saw something was bothering me at that moment.  
“We were right weren’t we Lindz?” Kimm questioned.  
I shook my head, “I’m sorry ladies.”  
They all gasped, “You and Nick?” Sille almost blurted out.  
“Keep your voices down” I said, “Yeah me and Nick were a thing back in the day. I was that Lindz.”  
“Why didn’t’ you tell us?” Inke asked  
I replied, “At first it didn’t cross my mind to be fair. And then when it did, I thought because we hadn’t mentioned it at the start I didn’t wanna mention it recently. In case you didn’t believe me.”  
Sille and Kimm hugged me, “It’s fine Lindz. Of course we would have believed you.”  
“And you can tell us all about it. I mean was he good?” Sille asked.  
I laughed, “Trust you ask me that.”  
“Well… was he?” Sille asked again, eagerly waiting for my answer.   
I looked at her and smiled “The best actually.” And I blushed.


	17. Chapter 17

We were stood round for about 45 minutes when we decided to go back to the cabins and have a good chin wag. I mean the girls (except for Karen) had just been told I was Nick’s ex, so naturally they had questions. I answered as many as they shot at me, including the reason why I left. I think the conversation brought us altogether made our bond closer. We laughed and cried. My phone rang.

“Hey Brian. What’s up?”  
He replied, “Where are you?”  
“In the cabin now Brian.”  
“Oh okay. Well the guys and I are off to the catering section for dinner, you all joining us?”  
I answered, “Yeah we will. See you there in 10.”  
“See you later Lindz.”

So we all got ourselves ready, more like freshen us up and then made way to the catering. We found a big table to sit on and in turn ended up getting drinks for us all before the boy showed up. We were talking when we heard this big massive commotion going on and we figured the boys were entering the catering area and we were right. I saw Kevin looking around to see where we were. Kimm stood up and waved at him, he did look at her for a bit but then he saw me sat with her and he casually walked over.  
“Hey ladies, how are we today?” He asked smiling and holding each of our hands and hugging everyone. I introduced everyone while he hugged them. And we all sat down again. One by one they came over; the boys introduced themselves to Inke, Kimm, Karen and Sille. And lastly Nick came over, introduced himself to the girls and then went to get something to eat. We all got up from the table and went to get some dinner and once our plates were full up, we went back to the table and ate the food.  
“Well ladies, are we well?” AJ asked the girls.  
Sille replied, “I’m doing good thanks, and how are you?”  
“Peachy,” AJ smiled.  
I said, “This is the man who made this happen this weekend girls.”  
“Aww well thank you so much AJ,” Kimm thanked him.  
“My pleasure ladies. Any mate of Lindz is a mate of ours.”  
Karen asked the boys, “So what’s been planned for tonight boys?”  
“Masquerade ball. I hope you have your fancy dresses and masks girls,” Nick asked.  
Inke replied, “We sure do.”  
“You won’t even recognise us,” I winked.  
Nick smirked and carried on eating his food.   
“So long have you been friends then?” Howie asked.  
I answered, “Well Karen and I have been mates for coming up to 15 years now. Met on McFly’s message boards and then met the first time at a McFly concert.”  
“Oh yeah I’ve heard of them. Great band. Are they still together?” Brian asked.  
Karen nodded, “Yeah, in fact they’ve been recording new material recently. They just took a break. Marriages and children came along the last 10 years for them.”  
“And Sille, Inke and I have been mates for nearly a year now. And mates with Lindz for around 7 months. It was twitter that brought us all together.” Kimm said.  
“As well as the BSB fandom.” Sille smiled.  
Howie carried on, “It’s nice to see fans meeting other fans and becoming friends. We aren’t just saying that as we’re sat with you. But it’s nice to hear our music have brought you guys together. And from your accents I suppose you’re all from different places?”  
“Yeah Inke and I are from the Netherlands.” Kimm said.  
“And I’m from Denmark.” Sille replied.  
“Nice, so from a few different places in Europe then. That’s cool!” Nick said.   
Brian then turned to me and Karen, “I guess your friendship is some kind of sisterhood knowing each other so long.”  
I smiled, “Yeah, I mean we became best mates. Pretty much joint at the hip and went loads of places together. To be honest, you have Karen to thank for this right now. She was the one who said let’s do the DNA thing, see if we find any unknown relatives”  
Brian looked at Karen, smiled and nodded, “Then I thank you very much Karen.”  
I could see Kimm, Sille and Inke looking a little confused. And then it dawned on me, I hadn’t told them about being cousins with Kevin and Brian.  
“Ah shit, I forgot to mention it earlier girls. We are distantly related, Brian, Kevin and I. so sorry, I could have sworn I told you earlier.”  
Kimm shook her head, “No Lindz, you seemed to have missed that one out.”  
“They should change the phrase to I should have married a Backstreet Boy but instead I’m related to one.” Sille laughed. Everyone laughed apart from Nick. Somehow he didn’t see the funny side to it.   
“Cheer up Nick.” Brian nudged his mate.   
Nick answered, “I’m good me bro. But I do need to take a leak.” And with that Nick got up and went to the toilet. 

“Oops, did I hit a nerve?” Sille asked worried.  
AJ replied shrugging his shoulders, “Probably but I wouldn’t worry about it too much. He’s quite sensitive about that situation.”  
“It doesn’t help he still likes Lindz. Always has done.” Brian came out with.  
“I’m still here you know guys” I bellowed, “Talking as if I can’t hear you. And anyway I don’t see it.”  
“Seriously girl, how can you not see?” Kimm asked.  
Sille jumped in, “Yeah I mean he still looks at you in a way I can’t describe it.”  
I shook my head, “Think you guys are all reading too much into it. Nick loves Lauren and is happy, well last time I heard anyway.”  
Brian laughed, “How wrong you so are cousin. Not going to go into detail but he isn’t happy at all. What you see on social media is just a cover up”.  
“The question is do you still like Nick? And would you go back there?” Howie blurted out.  
I looked at him shocked that he would ask that of me. Everyone I looked at was staring at me, waiting for my answer. I smiled and blushed.  
“Yes and of course I still would…”

“Still would what?” Nick came back from the toilet and sat down.   
We all froze wondering what to say afterwards.  
“Oh was just saying how I still would do Chris Hemsworth.” I breathed a sigh of relief.  
Nick nodded, “Well you always did have a thing for him. Then again the Aussie accent sends you weak at the knees if I remember rightly?”   
Everyone laughed. That was a close call! Then again how do I know if he didn’t hear the conversation beforehand? I didn’t see him come back nor did anyone else. Anyway we all finished our dinner and parted ways. We all had to get ready for the Masquerade ball later than night. And we didn’t have much time to do this.


	18. Chapter 18

“You should wear this Sille,” Kimm pointed out an outfit for her.   
We were all picking out our outfits for the night. Kimm was wearing a lovely emerald green prom like dress, Inke was wearing this little black skater skirt with a lovely flowing white blouse, Karen was wearing a lovely purple and black floral maxi dress and Kimm had picked out this lovely sapphire blue midi dress with a lace front. It was my turn to pick an outfit but I wasn’t too sure which one.   
“You should definitely go for that little black number Lindz. It shows off your killer legs.” Sille said.”  
“And thighs”, Inke sniggered and winked.  
Inke and Sille were styling everyone’s hair and we all helped out with each other’s make up. Once all our makeup was done, we put our flats on (not putting heels on when you have worn them for hours) and placed our masks over our faces. With picking everything else up, we left the cabins and made it to the top deck where the Masquerade ball was being held. As we were walking through the deck levels, my phone kept pinging. It was the boys wondering if we were at the top deck. Texting as we walked, we eventually we made it to the top deck and stood around in place waiting for the boys to arrive on deck. 

“I wonder how long we have to wait.” Karen said.  
Sille replied, “Well they will probably be working Backstreet time.”  
We all laughed. Then my phone went off. It was Kevin.  
“Hey Kev.”  
“You girls at the deck?”  
I replied, “We sure are. Where are you guys?”  
“Just coming up on the balcony now.”  
And he wasn’t lying either. There was such screams as fans catch a look at Kevin. He stayed on the phone until we all waved at him so he knew where we were. Then AJ, Rochelle, Leighanne and Brian jumped on and waved at us too. At this moment, girls were looking around at us all wondering how the hell we knew the boys. Music was playing and the boys were looking very smart indeed. Wearing suits and masks. AJ and Rochelle decided to kiss each other, which made the fans react by wooing. Then Leighanne and Brian kissed each other. Again the fans reacted. Then something none of us would have seen or expected and whether they did or not, we will never know but Brian and AJ then walked to each other and kissed each other. Well this got the fans going, screaming. Some almost fainting haha. I mean, yes it was getting hot in here, but contain yourselves girls. Howie walked on the deck and then out came Nick, and him being Nick, wore this plastic freaky looking mask that made him look like the purge or something similar. It wasn’t Nick’s best face that’s for sure. He walked over to Brian as they pretended to kiss. Now that was hot! I mean the boys had been in a band for 27 years, this was bound to happen. They have probably done almost everything together. For some reason though the guys didn’t say where we were to Nick so he didn’t waved at any of us.

“Hey ladies” Kevin started, “And welcome to the first night of the BSB Cruise”  
The fans screamed, “Tonight’s entertainment is that of a Masquerade Ball,” Howie said.  
Nick replied, “And I can see a few of you lovely ladies had come dressed for the occasion.” He winked. And with that the fans were excited and screaming. He loved how much he wound them up.   
“So us guys are gonna find 5 lucky ladies to have a dance with to the next song.” AJ announced. The boys went off their jolly ways trying to find the girl they were dancing with for the next song which they were going to perform. Nick started to walk in our direction and the girls were grinning away. Maybe they were excited to see if he would pick them but I never knew what was about to happen until it did. As Nick came closer I was nudged forward so I was stood in front of Nick. Frozen and nowhere to go. Nick looked at me, eyed me from my eyes to my feet and smirked. Next minute he came closer, “You will be perfect.” And came to grab my hand. I looked back at the girls to realise it was Kimm that had nudged me forward. I looked at her while she was laughing and putting her thumbs up. I looked at her, shaking my head. How could she put me in this position? And I couldn’t exactly say no could I? The guy had already made his decision. 

“Yo does he know he’s picked Lindz?” Kevin asked Brian.  
Brian looked and had a slight smirk on his face, “I actually don’t think he does. Should we tell him?”  
Kevin shook his head, “Na, let him have this one.”  
“I know but we all know how he feels about her, I don’t want it to be sending him over the edge. If you get me.”  
“Cousin, he is a grown man, I’m sure he can contain himself.”

*Nicks POV*  
I’m gonna enjoy myself. Lauren isn’t here and there are so many gorgeous fans here. I’m allowed a bit of fun, however this brunette I’ve picked has some killer legs. I mean I can imagine where I’d want them. There was something familiar with this girl though, I mean the hips looked similar. Such a perfect set of hips, a cracking ass. That’s when I realised, out of all the girls on this boat I picked her for this dance. This is where the real fun begins. And my God her body is still so sexy. I could do a few things to her body… again, which would send her on her knees. 

“Well, I’m gonna have my fun tonight” Nick smirked at me. He went closer and whispered in my ear, “Fancy out of all these girls and you’re stood here with me… Lindz.”  
I felt a shiver travel down my back at the thought of his breath so close to my ear. The way he whispered in my ear, made me feel butterflies in my stomach, and by God I haven’t felt those feelings for a very long time. He placed his hand in the curve of my back and pulled me in, facing him.  
“And there was I thinking you wouldn’t have noticed Nick. I’m very impressed.”  
Nick smiled, “How could I forget those legs. They’ve been around me enough times for me to remember.” He laughed, “Not to mention that ass. You have a spanking ass girl, and it was spanked a lot.” I could see his lower lip turning in, as though he was turning himself on.   
I whispered in his ear, “I can see someone is going to lose control soon, if they don’t stop picture the times we use to make love to each other.”  
Nick looked down into my eyes and smirked sexily, “It’s that a challenge? Because I accept.”  
The song started, which was their single Masquerade and we started to dance, in close proximity of each other, my arms around his neck and his hands on my hips. It was actually a nice dance. Suddenly he turned me around and wrapped his arm around my waist from behind and once again his lips came to my ear, “Now let’s see what this does…” And with at that moment, I couldn’t tell you what I felt. I just know it sent flutters to a certain place. Nick planted a kiss in the groove of my neck.   
“See, I still remember.” He turned me around again and looked in my eyes, and mouthed, “Let’s go”.  
And we did, this was like a rendition of dirty dancing but brought to the present day. We were grinding, Nick twirling me outward and then pulling me back into his arms. The flutters I had earlier were just intensifying as we danced more. I could have just done him there and then. I could have ripped his clothes off and done so many things to him. I was also starting to get the feeling this wasn’t just rallying me up. Nick leaned in and as I thought he was leaning in to whisper in my ear again I turned my ear to his mouth. But he didn’t want to talk to me. Instead he leant in and breathed down my ear, nuzzling his nose within my ear lobe and gently nibbled on my ear. I took a step back, as much as this was getting fun, it was also getting outta hand.  
“Lindz, you have no idea what you do to me. I can’t help it. I’m finding it harder to stay calm and breathe easily when we are around one another.”  
And with that the song finished, as well as the dance. I looked at Nick and that’s when the penny finally dropped for me. Fuck, the girls and the guys were right. He must still feel something. Just by looking into his blue eyes, they were sparkling and they were hungry.   
“You know the situation Nick, plus your fans are all around us.”  
Just then it was as though he snapped out of being hungry and came back into reality, he smiled at me, took my hand and kissed it.  
“It was a pleasure Lindz” We both smiled and as a tradition of a Masquerade ball, we bowed to each other and then Nick went back to the balcony with the other boys while I went to the girls.

“OH God Lindz!” Sille screamed.  
I looked at her and then at the others, “I know right?!”  
“Did he know it was you?” Karen asked.  
I nodded, “He knew instantly.”  
“Must have been the legs,” Inke winked.  
I replied, “Actually it was. Let’s just say he said a few things that…”  
“Did you get the feels?” Kimm asked.  
I blushed.  
“Oh she got the feels,” Inke said. They were all smiling and happy for me.  
“And I now know you guys were right.” I said.  
Sille asked, “What do you mean?”  
“About his feelings, I think the penny may have dropped.”  
“Well Lindz, I mean all that was missing between you was sex. You both were dry humping each other.” Karen laughed.  
“Hey Nick, how was your dance?” AJ asked his brother.  
Nick hadn’t heard him, he was busy looking in my direction. Watching me talk to my friends.  
Brian nudged Nick, “Earth to Kaos.”  
Nick snapped out of it, “Sorry, did you say anything.”  
“Yeah. I asked how was your dance? You know with Lindz?”  
Nick replied, “You guys knew?”  
Kevin nodded, “Yeah mate, we saw them there before you came up on the balcony”  
“I’m fucked Kev.”  
Kevin looked slightly concerned, “What are you talking about Nick?”  
Nick quickly looked in my direction again.  
“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep kidding myself. I want her bro…. I want her back.”  
Howie over heard his little brother, “But…”  
Nick snarled at Howie, “Don’t you think I don’t know I’m married to Lauren? I already know that dude. But I just can’t help it.”  
AJ placed his hand on Nick’s shoulder, “What do you think you are gonna do?”  
Nick shrugged his shoulders, “I honestly don’t know man. Ffs, I knew seeing her again was gonna cause me trouble. I just knew it.”  
“Why’s that bro?” Brian asked his little partner in crime.  
Nick looked at Brian and the others, “Well like our song says, love is what the trouble is. My love, for Lindz, is my trouble. I just can’t help it B-Rok.”  
Brian hugged his pal, “I know mate. Normally I would be grilling you and everything but I can see that you want this so badly. It’s up to you what to do. But I think you know that it needs sorting and fast.”  
Nick hugged his bandmate back, “I know. If I don’t get to get to her again tonight, I’m speaking to her tomorrow.”

The night finished a few hours later, a couple of the boys were staying up to do selfies so while the girls stayed in the queues to get those opportunities, I went back to my cabin. I stripped and put my jammies on and took my makeup off. I looked at myself in the mirror while I took my make up off. What are you going to do Lindz? Nick is a married man and therefore off limits. The flutters came back as I thought of him, and as I thought of that dance we had tonight. It’s just what he said to me, I have no idea what I do to him… if he isn’t gonna be able to control himself then perhaps it’s up to me to stop this from spiraling outta of control at least. I can grab it back into focus so it doesn’t unravel. I will just have to act distant from him, as though it was a mistake tonight. It does mean I may end up hurting him again and it wasn’t my intention. But the guy is married and has a child with that woman. I am not a home wrecker. And on that note, I went to sleep forgetting about the events of the night.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Although I have't used a warning but this is a sex scene... to warn you guys!!!!

Next morning

I woke up feeling like I had knots in my stomach. It could just be the nerves about today. After realising just how strong Nick feels about me, has made me realise that I needed to control the situation and take it down a notch or two. I got ready and met the girls outside. We then went to catch some breakfast as we were starving. Luckily I wasn’t suffering from an hangover, but Inke and Sille were. We reached the catering when we saw the boys were already eating their breakfast. In fact they were too busy in conversation to realise we had walked in. The girls stopped the boys in their conversation and went to hug them, the boys hugging back. I said hi to them including Nick but avoiding eye contact. We got our breakfasts but went to sit on a separate table to eat ours. I was the last to walk away from the boys table when AJ caught my attention, “Are you okay love?”  
I looked at AJ, quickly looked at Nick and then back at AJ, “Yeah lad. Just feel a bit off and I’m shattered. I couldn’t sleep.”  
AJ nodded, “Okay no worries Lindz. You just don’t look yourself, so needed to know if there was something wrong.”  
I shook my head, “No I’m fine. Thanks though AJ.”  
I then went to the girls tables and sat down, barely touching my food. To be honest, even though I was starving I wasn’t hungry, it was a weird feeling to explain. But I knew I needed to eat. So I took another bite of my breakfast. It wasn’t long before I left some of my food and stood up. Told the girls I was going back to my cabin to freshen up and I’ll see them at the pool as we were gonna have a morning by the pool. 

I entered my cabin and I instantly fell on my bed. I felt terrible. Terrible that I was trying to avoid Nick. Tired that I was fighting what I really want to say to him, and beating myself up mentally as the things I wanted to do to and with him. It was draining the life outta me. After a few minutes, I got undressed and headed to the shower, when I heard my phone go off. It was Nick. I took my phone and I swiped left. I rejected his call. I couldn’t be doing with him right now. And so I got in my shower and let the hot water from the shower head flow down my face and my neck. I just stood with the water running over my head. I found it peaceful, considering my mind was nothing but a war of feelings fighting against each other. 

“She’s rejected me!” Nick said in shock.  
Brian looked at him, “What? Who?”  
“Lindz. I have just called her and she cancelled it.”  
AJ jumped in, “She isn’t seeming her bubbly self this morning. Something playing on her mind.”  
“I just don’t get her half the time. One minute she is, well all over me. And the next she’s ignoring me.” Nick wasn’t happy.  
Howie said, “Dude, perhaps she’s… I dunno, probably been thinking about everything.”  
“Well I need to speak to her. She can’t hide from me that easily. We are on a boat together.”  
And with that Nick got from the table and slowly walked over to Karen, Inke, Sille and Kimm.  
“Hey Nick!” Kimm said.  
Nick smiled at Kimm, “Hey Kimm. How are we ladies?” He looked at each one of them. In turn they all say they were fine.  
“You must know what’s going on with Lindz?” Nick paused, “I mean she isn’t answering my calls.”  
Karen answered, “She said something about freshening up so she’s probably having a shower.”  
Nick nodded, “Probably. Can you tell me her cabin number? I just need to talk to her.”  
And so Sille gave Nick my cabin number. Nick went back to the boys table, picked up his phone and put his leather jacket on and walked out of the catering.

I love my showers. They help me with thinking, my physical pain and my mindfulness. I find them as therapy. I turned the water off and grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my body. I then picked up a smaller towel and wrapped it around my hair to help it dry. I walked out of the bathroom when I heard a knock on my door.  
“Who is it?”  
“It’s Nick.”  
There was a long pause and silence. It was quite agonisingly awkward.  
“Lindz, please. We need to talk. Can I come in?”  
I still had my towel around me, but I didn’t care. I mean I wasn’t in a thinking mood nor was I thinking about anything.  
“Okay, come in Nick.”  
Nick opened the door and walked in. He saw I was in a towel and that I was drying my hair with another towel.  
“Oh are you sure? Didn’t realise you wasn’t decent.”  
I looked at him, “Well I was getting the feeling you urgently wanted to talk to me. What is it Nick?”  
Nick quickly looked at my body, gulped and looked at me in the eye.  
“You okay? With me Lindz? You rejected my call.”  
I sighed, “Nick, I’m okay. It’s just… last night.”  
Nick started to smirk. I looked at him, “Can never happen again. You got that?”  
Nick squinted his eyes as though he was slightly confused, “But…”  
“No buts Nick. I didn’t see it, until last night. And it can’t go any further.”  
Nick looked angry, “So… you don’t want this Lindz??”  
I looked at Nick, “Please Nick… I…”  
“No Lindz!” Nick bellowed, I was taken aback “You can’t go around fucking with my head. Fucking me up with my feelings for you, setting me off to then just fuck me off.”  
I gulped hard, had I really done that? I didn’t think I had. I didn’t know what else to say.  
I replied, “What do you want me to say Nick? You’re fucking married Nick. It’s wrong to feel like this. You haven’t changed have you? Always about you.”  
That’s when I was caught off guard. I didn’t expect it. Nick stormed over to me, cupped my chin and planted his lips on mine. Those soft pink lips, so warm against mine. I was caught that much off guard I couldn’t control myself. I kissed back, our lips meeting each other. My feelings had returned in a certain special area. My skin had felt like 100 volts was going through my entire body. The hairs on my arms standing on end. Nick then deepened the kiss by parting my lips with his tongue. His tongue touched my tongue, as each kiss deepened more. I pulled myself back for a moment and looked at him.  
He stared at me with that hunger in his eyes again. Lust perhaps, I dunno but it was a look I hadn’t properly seen in his eyes before.  
“This… is so wrong Nick.”  
He stroked my cheeks with his thumbs; and then placing my hair behind my ears. He looked at me, “I know I get it is wrong. But right now it’s the only thing that feels right.”  
He stroked my face again, I nuzzled my cheek into his hand.   
“Lindz I can’t lose you again. I want you… I need you. Lindz I love you.”

I smiled, I grabbed Nick’s hands and wrapped them around my waist. I then placed my hands on his face cupping his cheeks and blurted, “Ah Fuck it!” And I pulled him closer and kissed him again. He pulled away slightly and gave us a smirk. We kissed again, deepening the kiss once more. Tongues parting lips. Nick led out a little moan. I could tell this was giving him the feels. My hands slipped under his jacket on his shoulders while I slid the jacket off, Nick threw it on the floor. Still kissing, Nick lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist whilst he took me to the bed and gently placed me down. He unravelled the towel that was around me and his eyes widened as he scanned my naked body.  
“Fuck me, Lindz I have missed you so much.” And Nick planted a kiss on my lips. He broke it off seconds later, trailing kisses down my neck to my breasts. With his tongue he rolled it around each nipple, causing them to harden. He took his hands and grabbed my breasts, kneading them while kissing further down. Kissing my navel, I let out a slight moan.  
“You always liked that didn’t you?” Nick smiled looking up at me. I nodded and smiled back. Nick stood back up and took his shirt off which again he threw on the floor. He smirked very sexily and very seductively like he always used too. It was a smirk I knew what he was about to do next.   
“Oh!” I gasped. The actual feeling when Nick’s tongue rolling over my lady folds was just intense. There was no explanation, my body went in full shudder mode. I could feel my excitement building every time Nick licked my clit and sucked on my hood. I think Nick knew I was close. Because he did what he always did when I was so close, he inserted a finger pushing it in and pulling it out. Right now I really couldn’t hold it in.   
“Nick!”   
He looked up at me, lifted himself up to my face and drove another finger inside. This time he was playing so hard and bashing that g spot till it sent me wild. He looked at me, knowing each breath I was taking was getting deeper with every stroke he did.  
“I know you’re ready babes. Just let it go.” He said to me, and whilst he kissed me I climaxed, hard.  
Nick smirked, “That’s my girl.”  
He leaned over to get to my lady folds once more and began lapping up the juices and came back up to my face and kissed me, “I could lap that pussy up all day. You taste incredible Lindz. God how I have missed that sweet taste of yours.”   
He stood up, undid his pants and threw them down to the floor, as well as his boxers. I could see something or someone was happy.  
“Is little Nick happy to see me?”   
Nick smiled, “He has missed you just as much as me.”  
His length was pulsing hard, and was smothered in pre cum. Nick climbed back onto the bed, placed himself between my legs and in a slow motion he inserted his massive shaft.  
“Oh fuck Lindz, you’re so wet. Oh fuck!” Nick groaned.  
He began to build up a rhythm inserting and pulling his penis in and out of my folds. Slow at first, building speed as he was about to release his load. As he thrusted, my feels had come back and they were getting more and more intense the more he thrust. He looked at me, “Babe I can feel you throbbing around my cock. It feels so fucking good. I’m gonna cum.” And with that Nick exploded, alongside me a second time. Wow! I thought. That was amazing and in a way worth the time away from him. He fell at the side of me, putting his arms out to wrap around me and he kissed my lips once more.  
“Oh wow, that was amazing.” There was a pause, “I love you Lindsay.”  
Oh, Nick barely called me by my full first name. In a way, after that it could have called me a bitch and I would have been happy.  
I looked at Nick, “I love you too Nick. I always had. It never went away.”  
Nick smiled and we kissed once more, “I suppose we better get ready and go to whatever we are doing today.”  
I laughed, “Do you even remember what you’re supposed to be doing Nick?”  
Nick shook his head, “Not when my mind is somewhere else.” He grinned.  
We got up, and freshened ourselves up and got ready. Nick got his clothes back on, but left his boxers in my cabin. I mean the pair was full of pre cum, so be highly uncomfortable to wear. Nick fixed himself and his hair so it doesn’t look like he has just fucked some girl. It was a good idea that he left my cabin before I did. As he was leaving, he grabbed me and planted a French kiss on my lips, “See you later babes. Love you.”  
I grinned like a Cheshire cat, “Love you too Nick.”


	20. Chapter 20

The cruise was over with. In the three days on the boat we had reached our final destination. It was a sad time. I had enjoyed spending the weekend with the girls. And again we all have to go our separate ways back home. We had all packed up and started to leave the boat. I then got a tap on my shoulder. When I turned around it was the same 2 girls from the start of the cruise. I wondered what they wanted this time.  
“Hi can I help you?” I asked.  
One of the girls answered, “You lied to us. I know you are Nick’s ex. I follow your Instagram and saw you were on this cruise.”  
I held my hands up, “I’m sorry girls. Yes I did lie. I didn’t wanna be swamped after all what happened…”  
The other girl interrupted me, “Oh yeah I get that. We just wanted to tell you how nice you looked and that we have always liked you.”  
“And if you didn’t mind having a picture with us.” The other girl said.  
I answered, “Oh okay. No worries, and thanks girls.”

As I was taking pictures with the girls, AJ noticed.  
“Well her identity didn’t stay hidden for long.”  
Nick looked back and saw what was happening. He smiled, but didn’t realised he had.  
“What you thinking about bro?” AJ asked Nick.  
Nick replied, “She always did interact with the fans though didn’t she?”  
Brian nodded, “She sure did. Anyway you never told us what you two talked about on the boat?”  
Nick looked at his band mate and blushed. He doesn’t blush very easily.  
Brian looked at him with a shock, “Did you even talk?”  
Nick laughed, “It’s all good.”  
“What’s all good?” Sille had caught up with the boys.  
The boys laughed, “Oh just the two loved up birds.”  
Sille answered, “Oh we are talking about Nick and Lindz then.”  
“So you saw it too?” Kevin jumped in.  
Nick laughed, “Has it been that obvious guys?”  
“Well Lindz has certainly got that spark back in her little self.” AJ said.  
I came over and everyone just stared at me. And then they laughed.  
I just looked at them, “Right now I know you been talking about me.”  
“Nothing bad Lindz,” Brian said chuckling.  
We had given the girls a lift to the airport, and it was time to say goodbye to them.  
“Don’t forget to call us so I know you are all home safe.” I said to them hugging them all.  
The boys hugged Sille, Kimm, Inke and Karen and said their goodbyes.  
“Don’t forget to come back Lindz,” Karen said.  
“I won’t,” I answered, “I’ll be back home soon. My year is almost up over here.”  
The sound of that made Nick’s heart fall heavy. He ended up going back to the car we were in.   
“Take care and safe travels.” Kimm said to the rest of us.  
“And you” Kevin exclaimed to the girls.   
“Make sure you’re coming over to Europe real soon.” Inke mentioned.  
Howie nodded, “You can count on that.”  
The girls said their goodbyes and hugged us all once more and then they entered the airport. I felt down as I had the best time ever. Felt horrible it was over. We all walked to the car with Nick already sat in it.  
I sat next to him and nudged him. He looked at me and I whispered to him, “Are you okay?”  
To which he replied, “Not really.”  
I placed my hand on his thigh and said, “Anything I can help you with?”  
He looked at me, smiled and grabbed my hand and held it, “No babes, it’s okay. Come here.” And he put his arm around me and I nuzzled into him and hugged him. We stayed like this all the way home, well until he had to get out to his place.

“Hey babes!” Lauren ran over to her husband, “We’ve missed you.”  
Nick smiled, “Aww really? Well I’ve missed you too.”  
Lauren kissed Nick on the lips, however he didn’t kiss back. Truthfully, he wasn’t feeling the way he had done previously for Lauren. He loved her, as the mother to his child.  
Deep inside Lauren felt the spark had gone as well.  
“Babes, I think we need a talk tonight.” Lauren said to Nick. Nick looked at her, although tears in his eyes, and nodded, “Yes we do Lauren.”  
“Love you Nick.”  
Nick replied, “You too” And went to play with Odin. They went to play shark and they were laughing and joking.

Back at Brian’s and it felt weird we were back. Although it was only a weekend, it felt reality came back so quickly. I already missed my girls. I really did have cruise blues, I didn’t want it to end. The other boys went back to their houses so it was just Brian, Leighanne and I again. Baylee was out.  
We didn’t really say much. I think as much as we all had fun on the cruise, we partied a bit too hard and we all were shattered. We had a takeaway for tea because none of us wanted to cook. I got a shower and headed off to my room to get an early night when the phone pinged.  
It was a message from Nick. I smiled instantly. I missed his face.  
‘Meet me at the end of your street tomorrow at 2. I’ve got a little surprise for you.’  
I replied, ‘Okay no worries. Can’t wait to see you again. Miss you. See you tomorrow x’  
‘I miss you too Lindz, goodnight baby. Sweet dreams and see you tomorrow. Love you xx’  
‘I love you too Nick. Goodnight x’

Nick grinned the moment the last message came through from me. He was sat on the couch with a glass of red wine on the side table whilst he had his head in the phone. Lauren came sitting down at the side of him. He quickly locked his phone and placed it at the side of him.  
“You go first Lauren. What is it you wanna talk about?”   
Lauren looked at him tears in her eyes, “I’m sorry Nick. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t think you love me the way you used too. I know I’ve been a pain lately and again I apologise for that but I need to know whether you love me.”  
Nick looked at Lauren and then took a sigh, “I do love you Lauren, I just can’t be with you. I love you and care about you, but that’s the respect I have for you because of Odin”  
“So you don’t truly love me?” Lauren asked.  
Nick shook his head, “I need a divorce Lauren. I’m sorry, but we will sort out arrangements regarding Odin”  
Lauren started to cry, “Is it her?”  
Nick looked at Lauren, “Who?”  
“Lindz? I see how you react around her. And I’ve seen your conversations.”  
Nick looked at his wife with concerning eyes. And then it dawned on him. She looks on his phone.  
“Have you gone snooping on my phone?”  
Lauren replied, “I’ve always looked on your phone from my own. We have paired our phone to one another.”  
“I know that but not once have I looked on yours.”  
“Well I looked because I had a feeling and I was right wasn’t I?”  
Nick stood up, “Were you the one who gave my sick brother Lindz’s number? I mean it makes sense now. Who else could have given it to him? I don’t talk to the cunt!”  
“Yes it was me. I am sorry Nick. I did it for you.”  
Nick got a bit angry, “You had no idea what that brother of mine put her through have you?”  
Lauren shook her head, “No I don’t and I didn’t care.”  
“Well I’ll tie it all up in a nutshell for you. The guy raped her. And that’s why she left. And we all found out in a way Lindz should not have to endure. He stalked her, harassed her and made her tell me in front of everyone else. And yet you didn’t care about what that would have done to her?”  
Lauren shouted, “No I didn’t and you know why? Because I was sick and tired of hearing her name. Sick of hearing how much she broke your heart, in the early days of our relationship you moped about thinking about her.”  
“That was because I hadn’t the foggiest what the hell was going on. I thought the fact she saw us together while I was still with her sent her packing. I loved that girl so much and everyone knew that.” Nick bellowed.  
Lauren got up and walked to the kitchen, “And you still do love her don’t you?”  
Nick nodded, “I’m sorry, yes I do.”  
“Then you’ll get your divorce Nick.”  
And she stormed into the bedroom. Nick sat back on the couch…

*Nicks POV*  
I can sort my life out. It’s all a fucking mess. I love them both, I really do. However my heart always lied with Lindz. And she gets me; I say this to myself all the time. She understands me. And now I will get to be with her. I can’t wait for that. But I must keep all this quiet and be crafty. I can be that, I was born to be crafty. I’m pretty sure Lindz doesn’t mind either. I will sign those papers the moment Lauren gives them to me, and we can get this thing over with pretty soon. Right now it’s time for me to hit the guest room and think about tomorrow and what I’ve got in store for Lindz.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another sex scene guys- quite lengthy!!! literally haha

The next morning, I got up had a shower and made myself look decent before we had breakfast. I was sat in the kitchen with the Littrell’s.  
“Hey Lindz, where are you off too today?” Brian asked being nosey.  
I replied, “Oh I’m going meeting up with Rochelle for a few drinks.”  
“That’s nice.” Leighanne said. Somehow though Leighanne had a feeling it wasn’t Rochelle I was meeting up with, and she would be right. My phone started to ring and I saw the caller ID. I took the call in my room.  
“Hey baby, how did you sleep”  
“Alright. Would have slept better if you had been with me Nick.”  
Nick chuckled, “I know the feeling babes. Don’t forget, I’ll be picking you up in a few hours.”  
“I know Nick. I haven’t forgotten. Do I need to bring anything?”  
“Just your beautiful self. No need to dress up, casual is key babes.”  
I smiled, “Well I best get my shit ready so I am not working on Backstreet time like someone.”  
“I will shock you Lindz. I’ll be there on time. Just you wait.”  
“See you later, can’t wait to see you”  
Nick replied, “Likewise babes. I’ve missed you something rotten Lindz.”  
And we said good bye and hung up.

I was trying to sort out an outfit to put together. I know he had said casual but even a casual outfit can be hard to pick. I went with a cute red t-shirt with some denim ripped shorts. I had messaged Rochelle to hold the fork for me, in case Brian asks her if I’m with her. In my gut I don’t think he believes me, that’s when I got a knock on the door. I called and it was Leighanne.  
“Hey Leighanne, you okay?”  
“I’m good Lindz. You look beautiful hun. He will love it…”  
I looked at her confused “I’m meeting Rochelle remember?”  
Leighanne sat at the side of me, took my hand and looked at me in the eyes, “I know you, and I know who you are truly meeting. However my lips are sealed.”  
“I really don’t know what you are talking about Leighanne?”  
Leighanne replied, “You’ve got a date with Nick haven’t you?”  
That’s when my face went a crimson red. It was obvious in my face I was meeting up with Nick.  
“Look I get why you lied to Brian but he doesn’t mean harm. He may be harsh due to the fact he is married to Lauren. I think however it’s more to do with the fact he loves you both as family. And he doesn’t want either of you to get hurt again.”  
My eyes started to well up, “Really? I don’t think Brian would approve of this at all. Yes it is Nick I’m going to see and I haven’t felt so happy in ages.”  
“And Brian knows this. He was saying earlier he hasn’t seen you look so happy. Nor Nick for that matter. You deserve some fun and excitement.”  
I laughed, “Aww thanks Leighanne. That means a lot. I just don’t know where he is taking us.”  
Leighanne got excited for me, “So a surprise date then? Oh Nick is a pro at surprises. You won’t be disappointed. And you will have to tell me the juicy details.” She laughed and winked. She got up and so did I and she came in close to hug me, “Don’t let Brian stop you okay?”  
I looked and smiled, “Thanks love.”

The time came and I got my stuff, left the house and started to walk down to the end of the street with the amazement that Nick was already waiting for me.  
“Hey you!” Nick shouted out the open window of his car. I looked confused but he winked. I pointed to me and he nodded, “Yeah you. What makes a beautiful woman come out alone walking the streets?”  
I leaned in, “Well you know I am meeting someone,” I grinned, “however he doesn’t seem to be here yet. What are you doing here?”  
“Well you know, “Nick shrugged his shoulders, “It’s funny as I am meeting someone too, but she seems to be late.”  
“Or she isn’t coming at all.” I smirked. We both giggled. I jumped into his front passenger seat and turned to face him when he leans in and kisses me on my lips.  
“See told you I don’t mess around.”  
I blushed, “I’ll give you that one.”  
I fasten my seatbelt up and Nick started the car. As he was driving, he put his right hand on my thigh, me placing my hand on his. Minutes later we were intertwining our fingers together holding hands.  
Admiring the views outside the car whilst he drove. I looked at him, Nick smiling.  
“So how have you got away then?” He asked.  
I replied, “I’ve messaged Rochelle to have my back.” Nick started laughing, “Why?”  
“I’ve asked AJ to have my back.” Nick blurted out.  
“Haha seriously? And they’re not gonna put 2 and 2 together.”  
Nick sniggered and just squeezed my hand, “Does it bother you if they cotton on?”  
I looked at him, “No, of course not. I mean Leighanne knows.”  
Nick darted at me looking worried, “Brian’s wife?”  
“Yes. But don’t worry about him. That was her words.”  
“I’ll get a good grilling for this.”  
I looked at Nick, “I don’t think you will with what and how Leighanne was speaking.”  
There was a short silence, “So where are you taking me?”  
“We are nearly there now, so you’ll have to wait.” Nick sniggered.

15 minutes later, we were at the destination. And I was just as confused as I was when I got into the car. We came to a gorgeous lake, and then it dawned on me. Nick had loaned a yacht out for us. I found that pretty cool, lovely and romantic. The views were amazing, off and on the boat lol. I’m not gonna lie but Nick was a picture on his own. The smile, the ocean blue eyes and not to mention the body. we climbed on the yacht and this was a massive yacht. It was so beautiful, and looked expensive. There was also a little picnic style dinner on there with champagne. Now I can see why Leighanne said I wouldn’t be disappointed. The boy did good. I sat on the seat watching Nick take control of the steering. Watching Nick and his passion of boats was such a turn on and I had no idea how or why it made me feel that way. I was grinning like a Cheshire cat. As Nick was steering, I got up and wrapped my arms around his waist. He jumped a bit.  
“Hey babes, you okay?”  
“Well I am here with you, why would I not be?”  
Nick turned to look at me and smiled, “You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this moment. I’m still trying to get my head around it.”  
I laughed, “It is weird isn’t it? After all this time and here we are.”  
Nick nodded “Are you really going home soon?”  
I was startled, “Why are you asking?”  
He looked at me, “To be honest I don’t wanna lose you again. And the other day you said to a mate of yours you will be home soon. Just upset me really.”  
“Well I am having fun. But I need consistency to stay longer than my visa will allow me Nick.”  
I could feel the cold breeze on my hands whilst we moved, and I ended up wrapping my hands under Nick’s shirt. He shuddered, “Cold babe?”  
“Your hands are fucking freezing” We both laughed.  
I smirked and Nick noticed.  
“I see someone has something on their mind eh Lindz?”  
I chuckled, “Maybe.”  
Nick stroked my arms that were still around his abdomen. I take my left hand and I bring it down and cup his package. He let out a little moan.  
“Frisky are we?” I just laughed. I gave it a little squeeze when suddenly Nick grabs my hand and slowly leads it inside and down his pants. As my hand near I could feel his dick growing.  
“I believe someone isn’t complaining.” I smiled.  
Nick shook his head, “Nope, no complaints. Do whatever you wanna do girl?”  
I held the shaft in my hand and I started to play. Shifting my hand from the base all the way to the tip and back again. With every stroke I felt Nick was growing in that area.   
“Oh my… you know how to work on it girl” I give it a little squeeze whenever I came to the tip and whenever I arrived at the base, cupping his balls at the same time.  
Nick was struggling to focus and concentrate as he was still steering the yacht I’m guessing to a nice little spot on the lake. He turned around, cupped my face with his hands and planted a deep kiss on my lips, taking our tongues. He looked at me, “I know where I would love that tongue to be right now.” My eyes lit up as though to say well come with me. Whilst still holding his length I took him to the seat where I placed his butt on there. I let go and went to find the cord to allow the roof to fall down as we had to have privacy. We weren’t the only ones on the lake. I knelt on the floor between Nick’s legs and rolled his pants down to the yachts floor. Turning and biting his lower lip, Nick moaned out loud the moment my lips were placed on his tip and my tongue was slowly licking around it.  
“Fuck, just like that baby. Oh my, you were always good at that.” I then took the whole lot and I could feel the pulse coming from Nick’s now throbbing cock. He gasped and hard.  
“Lindz, you’re gonna have to stop.” But I didn’t want to stop. But he made me.  
He gazed into my eyes, “Not before I do you first.”  
He pushed me down on the floor, and stared in my eyes. I could sense the lush building for him.  
“When the boats rocking, don’t come a knocking.” I blurted out. We both laughed out loud but wasn’t long before Nick had taken my shorts and underwear off and instantly inserted his fingers in between my folds. And he went hard doing that. Bashing my insides knowing what he was wanting to build up. As he moved his fingers around my hole, he placed his other hand on my clit and rubbed it with his thumb, licking his thumb and carrying on; lubing it up. “I am gonna make you squirt Lindz. It’s been a while.” He smirked.  
It didn’t take long, the more he felt the tightness inside, and the more he played. And he did it; I climaxed so hard it squirted all over the floor. My body suddenly jolting with such orgasm. The guy really knows how to do it to me. But then again Nick was erect, and couldn’t wait for more.  
“Lindz I want you now. I want to get inside that juicy pussy.” He placed his fingers now covered with my wet, in his mouth licking them. He then licked his lip, “Tasty!”  
I turned into the reverse cowgirl on his dick. Both of us finding our rhythm, Nick pulling me down with my hips every time he would thrust upwards so I took it all in. Faster and faster we thrusted amongst each other. Eventually Nick would blow his load and we would just fall at the side of each other in awe. 

Normally that would have been it, somehow Nick had other plans. I had got up to look out the window to see if there was anyone around because I’m paranoid like that. I was leaning over the front seat of the yacht when Nick grabbed my ass and spread my cheeks. He caught me off guard a little as I wasn’t expected it. He then knelt down and starting to lick it.   
“Nick!”  
“It won’t go down.” And when I looked he wasn’t lying. His dick was still on end wanting more. I was quite swollen with the bashing Nick had given me and after trying to play with my folds again he realised just how sensitive they were. That’s when I knew what he was about to do. He stood up, spread my legs apart and got in position. That’s when he inserted his cock in my ass. Slowly at first, to make sure all was okay and wasn’t hurting until the whole shaft was in. Spanking my ass red raw. I guess the sound of slapping my ass was a thing for him. He thrusted in and out, slow and faster.   
“Oh Lindz, this is so tight. Fuck me…”   
Second time Nick ejaculated. And this time he went soft.  
Panting and sweating, Nick’s legs nearly went from under him. He brushed himself off and stood back up, “Ah that’s better. I don’t know what it is, but he just wouldn’t go down. It only ever happened with you. I guess it still does. You do strange things to me” He smiled.  
He leaned and planted a kiss on my lips, where we enjoyed a little embrace and each other’s company.


	22. Chapter 22

We lay on the bonnet of the yacht with a towel underneath us. He had put his shorts back on and he gave me yet another surprise. He had bought a bikini for me to wear and it was gorgeous, which I put that on. Luckily it was sunny so we lied on the bonnet lapping up the sun. Nick turned on his side, resting his head on his left hand. He looked at me smiling.  
“You know you are so beautiful Lindz.”  
I blushed, “Aww thank you Nick. But you’re not so bad yourself either.”  
Nick grabbed my hand and held it, “I will sort this you know.”  
I looked confused, “What you mean?”  
“This… us. I will sort it. I don’t want to pretend anymore babes. You’ve ignited something I had hidden deep down in my heart for all this time. I don’t really have the words to describe it. Just that you make me feel like I am 24 again.”  
I chuckled, “I’m not gonna lie but I feel like we never parted. It seems weird to say that I know but it’s just…”  
“Natural.” Nick finished my sentence. Luckily it was the word I was looking for.  
“Yes exactly Nick.”  
He then turned my head to look into his eyes, “I really do love you Lindz. I’m not just saying it. I said you were gonna be trouble for me.” he smirked.  
“Well trouble is my middle name” I joked.   
“Cheating on you was the biggest mistake I ever made,”  
I looked at Nick, “It couldn’t have been, you married her and knocked her up.”   
“Okay, you have a point there. But still, I was gonna propose when I got back from touring that year.”  
I was shocked, “Really? Nick we had been together almost 7 months. That’s a short time to wanna marry someone.”  
“Not when you loved them. I lost you once; I’m not prepared to lose you again.”  
“I’ll hold you onto that Nickolas.”  
We smiled, kissed and hugged. I felt so happy again after all these years. It was just a nightmare that it wasn’t as simple as I’d like it to be.

The day passed and the night was slowing growing upon us. We lied there, now under a quilt, watching the sunset later followed by the stars glistering in the dark black sky. It was perfect; I had the best day of my life ever.   
“Thank you Nick.”  
“For what gorgeous?”  
I replied, “For this. It’s been the best day for a long time. I’ve really enjoyed it.”  
He smiled, “Me too Lindz. Best date ever.”  
“Oh so was this a date then Nick?”  
Nick smiled at me, “Well I had classed it as a date. It was a surprise date with the most gorgeous woman on this planet. I have felt so lucky to have shared it with you. I love you Lindz.”  
“I love you too Nick.” I kissed him whilst we were laid there in each other’s arms.  
“I suppose it’s time to head back babes. I can see you’re getting sleepy. And I have a few hours to drive home.”  
“Are you gonna be okay driving Nick? It’s getting late.”  
He nodded, “Don’t worry about me. I’m good. I’ll let you know when I get home so you don’t worry.” Stroking my hair while he spoke.   
We both got up, clothed ourselves again and headed back to the harbour. Once we had given the boat a clean from the mess we had made, Nick gave the people the keys and we walked to his car. I was leaning against the passenger door, waiting for Nick to take the alarm off so we could get inside. He stood there, looking at me with lushful eyes and smirked. Oh how that smirk sent feels through my body, which he seemed to know this. It felt like we were acting like a couple of school kids, we couldn’t stop looking at each other not to mention we couldn’t put each other down. Nick threw his arms around my waist and dragged me to his chest, with his other hand he stroked my face and planted a smooch on my lips, whilst humming a slight moan out. He broke the kiss and looked at me.  
“Fuck me Lindz, I can’t help myself. You are so beautiful.”  
I blushed and reached into his pockets, “Hey you, you want some more?”  
I laughed whilst rummaging in his pockets. That when I found what I was looking for.  
“Nope, I’m just wanting these.”  
And I pulled his car keys out.  
Nick shook his head and laughed, “Oh okay then. Just when I thought we were… you know.”  
“Ha Nick, is that all you think of?”  
Nick shrugged his shoulders, “When I am with you.”  
I pressed the button on his car alarm and unlocked the passenger door. I gave Nick one more kiss before I suggested we made our way. He pulled away, slowly, as I turned around to get in the car he slapped my ass and winked at me and then got into the car himself taking the keys from me. He turned the key and started the engine, and pulled out the parking space and drove onto the main road ready to make the journey back to dropping me off at Brian’s, holding hands every so often on the drive home. 

We finally got back to my house and I really didn’t want this to end but I know he must go back to his home where his wife and kids are. I do, deep down, feel dreadful. He is married, but part of me didn’t’ feel that emotion. We felt like we were meant to be together, despite the situation we were in. Yes I am in the wrong, I know he is married. He is in the wrong because he is the one married. If this came out, Nick risks losing everything, and that aches in my heart. Is he really ready to risk this just for me? The thoughts keeps rolling through my mind, the thought of this affair carrying on, or whether this was it. I suppose I’ll leave this one in the hands of Nick. And let him decide what he wants to do.  
“Hey beautiful, you in your own little world there?”  
I turned to Nick, “Yeah something like that.”  
Nick turned to me, “What was you thinking of?”  
“Lots of things. This, us… what this means? What could happen? Just a lot of emotions running through me right now. This has been surreal.”  
Nick wrapped his arm around me and kissed my forehead, “I know, this is crazy babes. But I promise what I say, I am not prepared to lose you again.”  
I looked at Nick in confusion, and hoping he meant what I was thinking of. He pulled me in and took my lips in a caressing smooch. Your tongues rolling in and out of each other’s mouth. Nick pulled away and smiled. He looked into my eyes, as though he was reaching in.  
“I can’t wait to do this again, hopefully soon.”  
I smiled, “I will look forward to it.”  
“Well I’ll sort something out then. I mean we do have the tour soon, if you would love to accompany me?” Nick asked. Hoping for the answer he wants.  
“Well, I’ll look to see if I’m free, diary might be full of dates.” I said, jokingly. However he didn’t notice this, nodded and the disappointment was evident on his face.  
I nudged him, “Hey what’s that face for?”  
He turned to me, “Please come with me Lindz. I love your company.” He did the pout, the pout that got me doing what he always asked me to do.  
“Haha, don’t pout at me mister. You know it doesn’t work, well. Not really.”  
He pouted even more, and then tried to tickle me.  
“Don’t ya dare try that shit! Okay I’ll come. I was gonna say yeah anyway. I was pulling your leg”  
“You were earlier,” He laughed.  
“Well before its gets messy I best get going. As much as I don’t want too.”  
Nick sighed, “I wish I could take you home, to mine but we know what’s not possible.”  
I nodded, “Oh I know that. It’s fine Nick. I will see you soon. Gimme a kiss you.”  
Nick smiled and kissed me, “Well goodnight babes, see you soon. Love you.”  
“Goodnight sexy and love you too.”  
And with that I got out the car and made my way to the house, not realising we had been seen for the whole duration. I opened the door and waved Nick as he drove off. I just hope he gets home safely, he has a long drive home. I smiled, and as I closed my door I got the shock of my life.  
“Lindz?!”  
I turned to Brian, “Oh hey Brian.”  
Brian stood there, arms folded and not looking that impressed. I looked at the time, it was getting late.  
“I’m so sorry Brian, it’s late I know.”  
Brian shook his head, “Oh the time isn’t a problem”  
“Then what is?”  
“You spent all this time today with Nick?”  
I gulped, “You been spying on me?”  
“Well I heard a car pull up near the house. Saw the car and instantly knew it was Nick’s. then saw you and him kissing.”  
“Okay, so I and Nick been together. I know it’s wrong but I can’t help it couz. I love him and I always have loved him.”  
There was an awkward silence and then Brian chuckled.  
“Who am I kidding, glad you had fun. Knew you two would get it on soon.”  
I looked confused, “Seriously? You were about to grill me.”  
Brian smiled, “Oh cousin, smile. I was kidding. I’m happy for you, it’s just now you have a problem regarding Lauren.”  
“I know. Nick said he would sort it, whatever that means.”  
Brian came and hugged me, “Well be careful, you know Nick. What he says and does are two separate things.”  
I nodded and hugged Brian again. What was going on? Brian approving for once. I know Leighanne said earlier that all he cares about is his family and that he looks out for them but he really stood his ground on Nick and I, so whether its due to his beliefs then I can’t judge him on that, but still to get the feeling he approves was all I ever wanted from him. I went to my room, showered and got ready for my bed when my phone lit up. It was a message from Nick to say he got home okay. It was sweet he did that, as he knew I would have worried.  
‘Thanks for today babes. I had an amazing time. I am home now, so you can relax lol. see you soon. Sleep well beautiful. Love you, N xx’  
And yes I do worry and now I’m okay and happy. I replied to his text and then got under my duvet and as my head hit the pillow, I fell asleep smiling.


	23. Chapter 23

A few weeks had passed from that surprise date with Nick. And although I was so in love with him, as he was with me, we didn’t do that many dates. Despite he said we would. I mean I could understand why it hardly happened, he has a wife and a son. His family should come first especially his son. But I was also feeling the distance between us. I mean when he came over to Brian’s house, we were all over each other but when he was at his house, I hardly heard from him. When at the start he would message me every day and night. I know my visa to live over here was virtually running out, and I have not been given a reason to stay as of yet. I was sat in the back garden, soaking up the sun and Brian came and handed me a drink and sat at the side of me.

“Thanks couz” As I sipped on the drink. Brian’s homemade Pina colada, it was so yummy and creamy.  
Brian smiled and nodded, “Such a good day isn’t it?”  
“It sure is a beautiful day.”  
Somehow though Brian felt a presence around me, something bothering me.  
“Are you okay Lindz?”  
I looked over at my cousin, “Yeah why?”  
“I don’t know, you seem fed up about something. Has something happened between you and Nick?”  
I sighed and then there was silence.  
“Well?” Brian wanted to know.  
I shrugged my shoulders, “Why don’t you ask him?”  
Brian frowned, “I don’t know what you mean. I thought you two were okay.”  
I sat up properly and placed my drink on the floor at the side of me, “Well we were, but I dunno. I get he has a son to look after and all that. But I haven’t been given anything from him, to extend my visa to be honest cousin.”  
“Oh really?! Is he stalling?”  
“It feels like that Brian, like the novelty has worn off. If you get me.”  
Brian placed his hand on my shoulder, “Have you spoken to him?”  
“I’ve tried. He is always busy lately. If it isn’t for business, then it’s Lauren. And then he walks away to talk to them. It’s driving me insane”  
Brian nodded, “I bet it is… look if you decided to go home I will support you”  
I stared at him and took my sunglasses off, “Seriously, you would support my decision?”  
Brian placed a hand on his heart, “Absolutely. I just don’t know what the guy is doing. He told me the other day he doesn’t wanna lose you again and yet here we are, not knowing what he wants. Sounds like anyway.”  
“Yeah and your tour starts in a few days and to be honest with you, I’ll be thinking of my decision to go home then. I can’t sit around and wonder what’s going on.”  
“I don’t blame you Lindz. I wouldn’t either. Hopefully when we go on tour, you guys can get to talk to each other.”  
“Yeah if he can pry himself away from his phone. Does Lauren know about us?”  
Brian shook his head, “Not to my knowledge. Then again, we don’t speak about it. He tends to change the subject whenever he is here as even Leighanne has had words with him. Asking what is he doing at all.”  
I giggled, “Ha really? Would have liked to have seen that.”  
“It was hilarious to be honest. His face was an absolute picture.”  
We both laughed, “Well yeah that is it really cousin. Thanks for cheering me up, in a way.”  
Brian smiled, “Good I’m glad.”  
Brian squeezed my shoulder a little bit, stood and walked back into the house. I stared into the distance, checking my phone and sighing. I’m not gonna let it get to me.

****************************************************************************

Meanwhile…  
“Throw me higher daddy!”  
“Not too high Odin, I don’t want to hurt you.”  
Nick was playing in the swimming pool with his son, Odin. They were playing a game where Nick throws Odin in the water and he learns to swim back to his father.  
“Again daddy!”   
“Okay then!” And so Nick would repeatedly throw Odin in the pool.   
Lauren walked out of the patio doors and came to the pool side and shouted for Nick.  
“Yes Lauren?”  
Lauren cleared her throat, “I’m just nipping out, meeting up with a mate of mine. Okay?”  
Nick rolled his eyes, probably because she was always doing this. He barely left the house.   
“Okay Lauren, but when you’re back I’m off out.”  
Lauren with a stern voice replied, “Why who are you meeting up with?”  
Nick glared at her, “A mate of mine, is that okay?”  
“Yeah whatever.” Lauren replied with an attitude and walked back into the house. Nick climbed out the pool and asked Odin to climb out too as he hated leaving him unattended. Nick rushed to catch with Lauren. Lauren looked at him with a glaring look.  
“What?” Lauren asked.  
Nick looked shocked, “Is this gonna be how it is?”  
She shrugged her shoulders, “I guess.”  
Nick pulled at his hair in frustration, “When are you getting and signing the papers Lauren? You said you would sort it.”  
“When I get them. Now I’m going otherwise I’ll be late.”  
And out she stormed through the door and into her car.

*Nick’s POV*  
I can’t do this anymore. I just want the fucking divorce papers. How hard can it be to get them? I have not spoken to Lindz for a bit, to be honest I have not done anything with her for a while. I bet she is even pissed off with me. But I wanna get this all done and surprise her. I want her to realise I want her. I want this life with Lindz, I have been stalling but it is for a good reason. I just wanna get it sorted. I think Lauren is also taking the piss. I am always lumbered with our son. I love our son, of course but she never has him. In fact, I am gonna ring my solicitor now and see what’s going on. Surely, I should have expected the papers now. Then I’m booking a getaway for Lindz and I. I hope she would like that.

Just then Odin cried. Nick snapped out of it and ran to his son.  
“Aww what’s up buddy.”  
Odin, with tears in his eyes, holds up a red and swollen hand. Nick grabbed his hand, and as painful as it was the boy winched in pain.  
“What did you do?”   
Odin replied, “I caught it in the door daddy. It’s sore.”  
Nick pouted, “I bet it did son. Here let’s sort it out.”  
Nick picked his son up and carried him to the kitchen worktop and placed him on the surface.  
“Stay still Odin, be one-minute okay?”  
Odin nodded, “Okay daddy.”  
Nick went and got a bag of frozen peas from the freezer, grabbed a towel and wrap it around the bag. He then placed it on his sons’ hand. Odin looked puzzled.  
Nick noticed this, “This will hopefully bring some of the swelling down.”  
Several minutes passed and Odin started to feel less pain. His hand was slowly shrinking, and the redness was fading. Odin smiled, “Aw look daddy, I can’t feel the pain no more.”  
Nick nodded and smiled, “That’s good then. Now stay away from the door and go and play. Daddy has an important phone call to make.”

Nick went into the master bedroom but kept the door ajar so he could hear Odin still. He dialled a number and placed it to his right ear, where he heard a female answer.  
“Hello, you are through to Miss Gilbride’s receptionist, Sara. How may I help you?”  
Nick cleared his throat, “Hi Sara. It’s Nick Carter here, I’m just calling to see if Miss Gilbride is available at the moment.? It is kind of important.”  
Sara, put Nick on hold to speak to Miss Gilbride. It did not take long.  
“Yeah I’ll put you through now Mr Carter.”

“Hi Nick!”  
“Hey Kat, how’s it going?”  
Kat replied, “I’m very well. What can I do you for?”  
“Well I just need to know if you have received anything from Lauren’s solicitor.”  
There was a pause, “I’m sorry Nick, but I haven’t heard anything from her solicitor. What is this regarding?”  
Nick grunted, “Seriously? You haven’t heard anything?”  
“I’m sorry Nick.”  
He sighed, “I’ve asked for a divorce. She said she will get the papers, but I believe she is stalling.”  
Kat went on and asked for Lauren’s solicitors’ number and other contact details so she can get in touch and see what is going on.  
“I’ll see what I can do Nick. I’m sorry you are going through this, thought you two were okay.”  
Nick scratched his head, “Thanks Kat. No, not been right for a while but thanks for the concern.”  
“You do know you don’t have a prenup?”  
Nick sighed again, he forgot about that bit, “Shit! What happens now?”  
“Relax Nick, I’ll get back to you on this like I said. Until then you may need to speak to your management about what is happening. I’m advising this as a friend not your solicitor.”  
“Okay thanks Kat.”  
And Nick hangs up. Just in time too. He quickly heard the front door go, followed by Odin shouting ‘Mommy’. Lauren had returned home. Nick scooted to the en suite, took a brisk shower and put a change of clothes on. He grabbed his phone and walked into the kitchen and the open living room. Picked his keys up to his car and shouted over Odin. He gave his son a quick squeeze, explained to Lauren the injury Odin had achieved earlier and waved them goodbye.  
“I need to get out the house,” He thought in his head, “Where too though?”

***********************************************************

I was still strolling around in the garden; it was such a gorgeous day. I had been sunbathing and swimming. Leighanne and I were having such girly conversations. Talking about how the tour days are gonna be, and that what are we excited to do once we travel.  
“I’m excited to see my mates again, as I’ll be seeing them in Europe.”  
Leighanne smiled, “Which country?”  
“Amsterdam, they were with me for the cruise. Miss those guys.”  
“Bet you can’t wait. Its great meeting up with people again after so long…” Leighanne said.  
I nodded, I had missed my mates so much. To be honest, I just wanted to go to Amsterdam and not return. I think the novelty of living in America had rubbed off on me. I wanted to go home, back to my mum. Back to my normal life, where I had nothing to worry about. I know I have a job to go back too when I do come home. If I had been asked a month ago I would have said if I went back but not its when I go back. I’m ready to return home.  
I noticed Leighanne was looking at my body, “You okay?”  
“Tell me girl, what is your secret?”  
“Come again Leighanne?” I asked. I had no idea what the heck she was talking about.  
“Your skin, you skin complexion is amazing. It’s as though you’re glowing. So what’s your secret? What do you use on it?”  
“Oh, well thanks for the compliment. I just use the moisturizer you can see in my room.”  
Leighanne nodded in amazement, “Well it does wonders on your skin.”  
I smiled, “Aww thanks Leighanne.”  
Suddenly Brian came outside with his essentials, he was going to do a barbeque for dinner and he had the barby ready. As he sets up his table and his utensils for the job his phone beeped. It was a text. He looked at it, darted at Leighanne and I and then put his head down. I’m guessing he was replying to his text. He slid his phone back into his pocket and walked over to us.

“You okay Brian?”  
Brian nodded, “Yeah but we will be having company over.”  
Leighanne looked up to him from her novel, “Who is it bubba?”  
Brian gulped but replied, “Oh it’s Nick. Said he needed to get out the house, he was already on his way and he has just texted. That’s okay with you Lindz?”  
I shrugged my shoulders, “Hey it’s your house. You can invite who you want. Don’t let me stop you, besides someone needs to help us eat all that.” I pointed to the high heap of meat Brian had prepared.   
Baylee came walking out from the patio doors, and sat on a lounger next to us, “Well I’m starving dad.”  
Brian chuckled, “You’ll get fed soon son. I have to wait on your Uncle Nick first.”  
“How long will he be then?” I shot Brian with the question.  
“He said he is only an hour away.”

And for once Nick was on time, it had been exactly an hour when he arrived. He walked into the garden with a crate of beer for everyone. As a thankyou for having him kinda thing. He always did that kind of thing, was who he was.  
“Yo bro! Where do you want these putting?”  
Brian pointed to the massive cooler at the corner of the garden. Nick tottled over to the cooler, placed the beer in there and then came and sat next to me.  
“Hey babes,” I really didn’t know what came over me. I felt a bolt of, I can’t describe it. I suddenly got a hot flush, but I felt angry. I glared at Nick, “Hi” was all I said.  
“You okay Lindz?” Nick asked concerned, “I mean I know I haven’t come round much. I have missed you.” Placing his hand on mine.  
“Well least you remembered we existed!” I suddenly shook my head and snapped out of what I was in, “Oh god sorry. I… don’t know where that came from.”  
Nick frowned, “Okay, that’s not like you at all.”  
“No, it’s not,” Leighanne sat up concerned also.  
“Again, I’m sorry Nick. Come here and give us a cuddle. Of course, I’ve missed you too.”  
Nick smiled and climbed upon me to give us a cuddle and a kiss on the lips. He stayed lied there for a while, propped up between my legs whilst I stroked his hair. It was lovely to be able to have him in my embrace again. I missed his touch, his face and even his smell. He had such a luscious yet clean smell. Though it was tickling my nose today, as though he piled it on. I didn’t say anything about it otherwise he more than likely would move away and I didn’t want that. I needed to be near him, to touch him. To know he is here for me. I had starting to feel and take note that my emotions and hormones were so out of sync. I snapped at him earlier and now I feel like I’m clingy. But I also felt horny, and I only felt like that whenever it was coming to my menstrual cycle. We lay like this for some time, talking to Baylee, Leighanne and Brian whilst he was cooking the meat. I was looking at the meat cooking, the sizzling of the meat on the grill. I was pining for the meat. And then I saw the blood flowing from it and suddenly I felt off. I felt nauseous. And it wasn’t gonna stop. I had to kick Nick off the lounger because he wasn’t moving, cursing at me as I power walked into the house and entered my room. I felt like shit, and for some reason I needed to retch. I went to the toilet and I threw my guts up.

“What is her fucking problem at all? That’s totally out of her character?” Brian bellowed.  
Nick laughed, “Dude it’s fine… I remember. I know what is up with her instantly.”  
Leighanne looked at Nick, “What’s that?”  
“Der, it’s her period. Obviously. I remember when she was on, she was a monster! Grumpy, angry one minute and then so emotional and sorry the next.”  
But for some reason Leighanne wasn’t so sure. She stood up and walked to my room, knocking on the door.   
“Lindz sweetie?” I wasn’t answering, I was too busy belching in the toilet. She saw the door was ajar she made herself walk inside. She looked in my room but couldn’t see me. Then she heard me, she walked into the bathroom and looked at me. My head was over the bowl of the toilet, whilst I was holding my hair away.  
I looked up after the retching curbed, “Oh hi there. How long have you been stood there?”  
“A while to have seen you throwing up.”  
I stood up, took a deep breath and freshened myself up.  
“Now it makes sense.”  
I looked at her, “Sorry?”  
She replied, “How long have you been throwing up?”  
I concentrated on the question, “I haven’t. This is the first time, I mean I’ve felt sick but I’ve never been sick.”  
“Yeah well Nick has just said you’re on your period sweetie as he recognises the signs.”  
I nodded to agree I believe, but I could just be nodding to say oh okay.  
“Are you on your period?” Leighanne asked.  
I looked at her confused, “No I’m not. What are you implying?”  
Leighanne sighed, “When was your last one?”   
Again I concentrated on the question but as I have an contraceptive in my arm, I barely have them, “I don’t have them regularly. I have the implant, so sometimes I get them and other times I don’t.”  
“Girl, could you be pregnant?” Leighanne asked me.


	24. Chapter 24

*a week into touring*

The boys were on their European tour for their latest album DNA. I had been travelling with the management and Leighanne on one plane, while the boys travelled together on their private jet. Kat, Nick’s solicitor, had been in touch with him, telling him that Lauren’s solicitor hadn’t spoken to her for a good two years, which made Nick argue with Lauren. So instead of her sorting the papers out, Nick started the process. They had toured places like Portugal, Spain, the UK and now they were on their way to Amsterdam. I was so happy to be going here because I was to see my mates again. I had missed them so much. Leighanne had left me alone about the pregnancy talks. I told her it was impossible as I was on birth control and it had never failed me before. Plus, I wasn’t putting weight on, nor was I feeling different. So, I didn’t think anything of it. We landed in Amsterdam International airport and made our travels through arrivals and into our coach to take the journey to the hotel they were staying in. I sat next to Nick, next to the window.   
Nick looked at me, “Okay babes?”  
I smiled and nodded, “Yes love. You okay?”  
He turned on his side, and snuggled into my shoulder, “Better now we are together.”  
I giggled, and moved my arm around him, “Me too.” And kissed him on his forehead. He sat up and frowned, “Hey isn’t this the wrong way round.”  
I laughed and shrugged my shoulders.  
He smiled and opened his arms out, “Come here girl. Snuggle into me.”  
And so, I did, I snuggled into his arms. Nick stroking my hair causing me to doze off. 

“Hey sleepyhead.” Nick nudged me awake, “We’re here at the hotel. Time wake up.”  
I sat up, rubbing my eyes and stretching, “Did I really fall asleep?”  
Nick laughed, “Babes, you were snoring” and he pointed at the wet patch on his top, “And you were drooling. I’m not complaining like. It was nice to know you were comfy enough to sleep like that. I missed it.”  
I smiled and planted a kiss on his cheek. He looked deeply into my eyes, stroked my face and kissed me passionately.   
“Get a room guys!” Howie shouted, everyone laughed. It rudely interrupted our kissing time. Nick blasted, “Don’t you worry Howie. We will have a room very shortly.” Winking at me. All the guys started to take the mick. One by one we all walked off the coach, grabbed our bags from under the coach and made our way into the lobby of the hotel. I had messaged my mate, Kimm, to say that we had arrived in Amsterdam and that I could meet her later on along with Sille and Inke. We had to wait for the management and the bodyguards of the boys to check in and to receive the card keys to the room. Mike, one of the bodyguards handing Nick his card key, “Now you two lovebirds better keep it clean and tidy y’all.” Mike smirked.  
Kevin and Brian were the first to enter the elevator to go to their rooms, they were on the second floor. Howie and AJ were on the third floor and Nick was on the fifth floor. They couldn’t get the room close enough for everyone, so we were scattered, which didn’t seem to bother the boys. Being on the road with each other as long as they have done, they could do with some privacy away from each other.   
We got to the floor of our room, walking out the elevator we looked at the number on the card key, number 505. We walked along the corridor to where we eventually found the room. The floor was so weird, it was like walking through a maze. Nick scanned the card key and opened the door, “Ladies first!” Opening the door for me and allowing me in first, what a gentleman! As I nodded and thanked him and walked into the room when he grabbed my backside and then slapped it.   
“You couldn’t resist, could you? You’re always getting me with that!”  
Nick growled, “Well you shouldn’t have such a fine ass woman!”  
He turned me around to face him and pulled me in for a deep passionate kiss. My glasses began to fog up, Nick realised this and pulled away. He carefully and gently pulled my glasses from my face.  
“Beautiful!” He whispered in my ears and carefully placed my glasses on the bedside cabinet. Cupping my chin, Nick leaned in once more. The lush evident in his body.  
“I have been waiting to be alone with you. This is the first time on this tour.”  
I smirked, “Well Mr Carter what do you have in mind? We do have an hour to kill.”  
Nick giggled, “We’ll not need an hour, trust me. I’m bursting!” grabbing his package.  
We both laughed our heads off. He whipped his top off and swipe his belt from his jeans, pulling them down and lying on the bed in just his camo boxers.  
Throwing my clothes off as well, I climbed onto the bed, and saddled Nick’s torso. Leaning in, kissing each other hungrily, wanting more. Then his phone rang.  
We stopped for a second and looked in the direction of the phone, which was on the floor in his jeans pocket. The phone rang out and was once again silent. We laughed and started kissing again. Our hands feeling every inch of each other’s bodies. Nick suddenly flipped me over to my back while was leaning over me. He unclipped my bra with one hand and caressed my breasts whilst kissing me. Looking over, I could see that someone wanted out of those boxers of his. His phone rang again. He stopped and looked on the floor again and then looked at me in a panic.  
I looked at him sternly, “Don’t be a dick.”  
“I have to see who it is at least.”   
I huffed as he climbed off the bed, he rooted in his jeans pocket and pulled out his phone. He saw that it had been Lauren and I frowned, “What does she want now?”  
“Well if she rings again, I will have to answer it. It could be important or regards our son.”  
Even though I hated him when he said that I understood. And it happened, she rang again.   
“I’m sorry babes, I must take this.” 

He got up and answered his phone.  
Right now, I had enough trying to get sex. I felt that it had left me the moment he answered the phone call. So, I started to get dressed again. I wanted to leave the room. I wasn’t paying much attention to the conversation they were having; all I knew I had to get dressed and go out.   
“What you mean you’re here?” Nick asked in a panic. I glared at him, wondering what the fuck he was asking that for.  
They finished their conversation and Nick looked at me, “I’m sorry babes but…”  
“Don’t bother, I can’t even have an hour alone with you. This is ridiculous now! What was she saying?”  
“That she took a surprise flight in with the other wives and their kids. She has Odin with her and says they are downstairs now in the lobby.”  
I was angry, I could feel my blood boil. He reached over to give me a huge hug. I slapped him away.  
“Just go then…” I stood up and walked to the window trying not to cry. I was all emotional, and I didn’t know whether I wanted to cry because I was angry or because I was sad.  
He stood up and came to the window near me, “Lindz… I do love you, don’t forget that please”.  
I turned around, “Then why are we still like we are? Its always something; if its not your solicitor, its her. I can’t do this anymore Nick. I need something from you. Otherwise I’m not staying in America. It’s simple!”  
I went to walk away from Nick when he grabbed my wrist, “Please Lindz” He took my chin, and lifted it up so I looked into his eyes “I was going to save this until I took you out for a romantic dinner on this tour, but I’ll let you in on it now.”  
I was intrigued, “What is it?”  
Nick walked over to his bag and pulled out a catalogue. It was a holiday brochure, he opened it to a page of cabins. It was a log cabin, beautiful surroundings and amazing views. Sat in a location, with woodlands around and a lake in the outside view. I looked up at him, feeling shit.  
“What’s this? Nick are we going to this place?”  
Nick smiled and nodded, “We are babes.”  
I nudged him, “But? How? When? Are you serious?”  
“Not that you need to know but I booked it the other week. It was going to be a surprise. It is booked for when we return to the states. We get to be together on our own for a bit.”  
I laughed, “Alone? So, no phones?”  
Nick had to think about it but could see I wasn’t joking, “Okay no phones. I mean we take them for photos and stuff but no communications from the outside world!”  
I had melted. I feel so sorry for snapping at him. He didn’t have to do that.  
I ran to him, into his arms and hugged him tightly. I then, on my tip toes, planted a kiss on his lips, “I’m so sorry Nick. I should not have snapped at you like that. This is amazing, I’m looking forward to it already.”  
We both smiled together.   
“I’m glad” Nick smiled at me, “I knew you would like it.”

I carried on getting dressed, whilst Nick was also putting his clothes on to leave the room. He pulled me in for a big squeeze and a snog on the lips.  
“See you in a minute babes, missing you already.”  
I laughed, “Just go, Odin is probably waiting for you.” Even though deep down I had been waiting for this alone moment and it isn’t happening.   
I freshened up, reset my make up and rang Kimm. Luckily enough she was already in Amsterdam waiting for Sille and Inke to arrive. She said they would be in an hour, which was perfect for me as I was still getting ready to go out. She gave me this address to a nice trendy café and bar where we would meet. We finished off our conversation and I carried on getting ready when I felt slightly light-headed and sick. I hadn’t had this feeling since, well when I was throwing up with Leighanne there. ‘This could just be jetlag’ I thought, and the fact I had hardly eaten on the flight here. I grabbed my bag and walked out the room and into the elevator on the other side of the corridor. As I came out the elevator that where they are were. The boys, with their kids and their wives in the lobby. Again, I felt nauseous, which wasn’t the right time to feel like that.  
“Lindz!” I looked and it was Rochelle shouting me over. I waved at her and smiled. She started to wave her hands at me as to join them. I took a deep breath and walked over to them.   
“Hey Lindz!”  
“Hey AJ!”  
Then I saw Howie and Kevin and was greeted by them. Along with their wives. Then my eyes saw Lauren. My stomach churned with the sight of her. I got the feeling she wasn’t very happy to see me either. Nick was in the other side of the lobby playing with Odin. He hadn’t seen me turn up. AJ felt the awkwardness and decided to offer us a drink, which I went to the bar to sort the drinks out for him.

“Hey AJ! What are you drinking?” Looking at his glass on the table.  
“Don’t worry, it’s only orange juice. I’m done with beer.”  
I smiled and nodded at AJ. For AJ had a drinking addiction. He had been on the bandwagon for years but seems to fall off it when they go on tour. I suppose having his daughters and his wife here stops him going off the rails.  
AJ looked concerned at me, “Anyway, how are you? You don’t look so well.”  
“I’m okay, I don’t think I ate that much, and I feel a little-headed.”  
“I notice the colour has drained out of you. Could just be jetlag. You’ll be right.”  
AJ asked me what I wanted to drink and to be honest I didn’t want a drink. I explained that I was going to meet my mates in town as they are here. And that I didn’t wanna be around while Lauren was around after everything.  
“Hey Lindz,” Brian came from around the corner with Leighanne. He came right next to me and gave a cuddle.

“You not having a drink?”  
I shook my head, “No I’m off out meeting some of my mates.”  
Leighanne smiled and took my hand, “Enjoy hun!” As I waved goodbye to everyone I went to the front door.  
I hadn’t realised that Nick had heard Brian shout my name when he came down.   
“Lindz, hold on!”  
I turned around to see Nick catching up to me.  
“You not joining us?” Nick asked quite sadly.  
I shook my head, “I can’t Nick. I cannot sit there and pretend everything is okay when everyone knows about us. And then Lauren and your son are there… I just can’t watch you two play happy little…. hey lil man!”  
I was interrupted when Odin came over to us while we were talking.  
He looked up at me with his little blue eyes. He had his father’s colour of eyes, but he definitely had the shape of his mother’s.  
“Do I know you?” Odin asked me, confused.  
I smiled, got to his level on the floor and looked at him, “I don’t think you do Odin. My name is Lindz.”  
Odin smiled and acknowledged me, “Are you a friend of daddy’s?”  
I nodded, “I am. In fact, I am your Uncle Brian’s and Uncle Kevin’s cousin.”  
His eyes lit up when he heard that.  
“Now do you wanna give me a handshake or a fist bump buster?”  
I asked him. I could feel evils coming from where Lauren was sat. He decided he wanted a fist bump and ran into my arms for a cuddle afterwards. I was a bit startled, as I looked at Nick, I could tell he was too. He watches on, with melting eyes, shrugging his shoulders that his son was hugging me.  
“He doesn’t usually hug people he doesn’t know.”  
“Well I’m honoured, hey Odin I believe a little birdie told me that you like Ghostbusters?”  
Odin nodded.  
“What is the green ghost called?” I asked, hoping he knew the answer otherwise this would have seemed pointless.  
“SLIMER!” Odin shouted excitedly.   
I laughed at his reaction, “Well how about as I am around town I try and find you something for you that relates to Slimer? Would you like that?” Odin hugged me tighter this time and was extremely excited.  
I got back to my feet, told Nick to go back to the others when he tried to give me a credit card. I looked at him shocked, but I was slightly annoyed of why you would do that.  
“Well use this to get him the gift.”  
I was gobsmacked. I leaned in closer and whispered, “If I wanted to buy your son a present, I’ll get it out of my own money thank you.”  
And I stormed out the front door and walked away to the café.

Nick walked over to the others with Odin and sat next to Lauren.  
“You’re brave you!” Howie said to Nick. He was confused to what Howie was on about.  
Kevin chirped in, “Yeah bro. Trying to give a woman your card to spend monies on is a bad move.”  
“Yeah I don’t even get that, and I am your wife!” Lauren darted at Nick. The atmosphere was like ice. It could be cut with a knife.   
Nick glared at his wife sternly, “Well she wanted to buy our son a present, so I thought it was only fair to give a helping hand… wife! I trust her with it.”  
Kristin cleared her throat, “Well she didn’t take it. Good for her. I like her.”


	25. Chapter 25

I managed to get to the café Kimm had told me about and entered the main doors. I saw three funny looking girls waving at me, when I noticed it was my mates. I darted over to them throwing my arms around them.  
“G-I-R-L-S!” I said so happily. That happily it was as though my sugar levels soared. I went all light-headed again.  
“Hey Lindz, so good to see you again,” Sille said smiling.  
Kimm frowned, “You okay? You don’t look it Lindz?”  
I looked and sighed, “Not you too. AJ has literally said the same thing.”  
“Well you’re very pale.” Inke said.  
I assured the girls that I felt okay, and that it was just a little light-headedness from the flight. And that I needed something to eat. They seem to take that, and we all carried on hugging and eventually we sat down. It felt amazing to see my girls again. I was in need of this.

…………………………………..

“I wonder what was up with her anyway?”  
“What do you mean Howie?” Kevin asked.  
Howie looked over at Kevin, “She seems to be in a grumpy mood, Lindz.”  
Lauren had taken Odin to the restroom before Howie spoke.  
Nick shrugged his shoulders, “Well don’t look at me. I ain’t done anything.”  
“Well how do you think she’s gonna react that Lauren and Odin are here? She barely gets time with Nick as it is.” Rochelle chirped in.  
Nick side tilted his head to nod in agreement, “That is true. I mean we were; you know and…”  
“Bro, not the info we wanna hear!” AJ shouted across the lobby. Brian and Howie laughed like a bunch of girls.  
“Haha yes Nick there are ladies present.” Kristin laughed.  
Nick apologised and smirked. 

………………………………..

In café

“So how have you all been?” I asked.  
Kimm was the first to answer, “Pretty good thanks Lindz.”  
“Yeah I’ve been okay too.” Sille replied and Inke replied with pretty much the same thing.  
I asked was anything good going on their lives as such and we were in a deep conversation. The waiter came over to our table where we ordered our drinks and food. I felt like I was eating for the rest of them with what I ordered.  
“Jeez Lindz, feeding for the five thousand.” Inke laughed.  
I giggled, “Something like that. Gals I’m starving, not eaten much on the way here.”  
“Well we’ll not judge,” Sille nudged me.  
“I couldn’t care less if you did,” I laughed out loud.  
Inke laughed, “Wouldn’t think of you in any other way Lindz.”  
Kimm nodded, “It’s great for us all to be back together again.”   
“I know, I’ve missed you girls so much.” I smiled.  
Sille looked at me, “Well you’ve probably been too busy with lover boy.”  
The girls laughed and I just shook my head, “Well apparently he has booked us a little getaway once this leg of the tour is over.”  
Noises came from the girls and lots of giggles.  
“And you will be alone?” Inke asked laughing.  
“Why are you asking that? Of course, we will be. Told him no phones though, had enough of seeing him stuck in his lately.”  
Kimm looked at her friend, “Oh… trouble in paradise?”  
Shrugging my shoulders, I nodded, “You could say that. I mean every time something is about too you know… his bloody phone goes off. I could just ram it down his throat it pisses me off so much.”  
“He answers his phone? While you’re getting…” Sille hand gestures what we are all thinking. I nod.  
“Yeah I mean come on… leave the damn phone alone. If its not his management or his solicitor, it’s Lauren. Like earlier as we touched down. We were in the hotel room when his phone rang, and it was Lauren.”  
“WOW! You reckon Lauren knows?” Kimm asked, “I mean that’s like she has a feeling something going on.”  
They all looked at me waiting for me to answer, “Oh sorry was I supposed to answer that?”  
Sille nudged me but caught my right breast and it was extremely painful.  
“Sorry Lindz, but I didn’t nudge you that hard.”  
She was right, she didn’t but oh my that was so tender and sore. I had to cup it to just ease the ache I got.  
“Anyway, who knows really. All I know she doesn’t like my presence near her.”  
“Well she did smack you when you suddenly met the guys again.”  
I laughed, “Yeah she did. The face on the boys though was a picture especially on Howie’s and Nick’s. But yeah just before I left the hotel to come here if looks could kill Lauren would have killed me.”  
“Sorry?” Sille nearly choked on her coffee, “Lauren is here?”  
I nodded smirking, “I know right?! Decided to take the flight with the girls. She’s brought Odin to see his daddy.”  
Kimm widen her eyes, “That’s sussed. I reckon she knows… it’s like she doesn’t trust you around him.”  
We carried on talking and the waiters came to our table presenting our food. We were literally drooling at the sight of the food and as I was starving, I was so looking forward to it. And then it was placed in front of me, and I felt the complete opposite. I went all weird, my body went all hot and my mouth went all dry. I felt the nauseous feeling again as though I was going to barf. The feeling was just slight but then I could feel the retching building up. I slowly stood up, excused myself and walked to the toilet, leaving my bag with the girls. They all asked how I was because I was looking like a white ghost. I was okay and made my way to the toilets.

As I walked into the restroom, I darted to the first toilet available and spewed my guts up in the toilet bowl. I had managed to get it in the toilet saying it came up so quickly and I managed to pass the toilet seat. Once the original retch had stopped, I lifted the seat up, so I just had the bowl to lean over. Another retch came and before I knew it, I was retching that much I felt like I had burst a blood vessel at the back of my eyes. A few minutes had passed and the feeling subsided. It was such a weird feeling, so I stood and flushed the chain and walked to the sink and mirror area. I washed my hands and threw water over my face because I was still feeling hot and bothered. My head was pounding, and I felt like my throat was closing, as though I was suffocating. What the hell was happening to me? I started to panic because I had never felt this before. My whole body was going into spasms and every muscle ached. It was feeling like each breath I took shallowed more and more by the moment I would inhale and exhale, and light headiness started once more. I tried to slow my breathing, but nothing was working and then my vision left me. Now this was scary, and all I wanted right now was to get to the girls and ring Nick because I was terrified. I slowly unfroze from the area at the sink and managed to put one foot in front of the other, however the next minute I realised I was falling backwards… my light headiness was back stronger than ever and I fainted… hitting the back of my head on the sink basin.

………………………………………….

“So, what are you up to later guys?” Rochelle asked.  
Their concert was the night after so tonight was just a night to chill and relax. AJ suggested the boys to go out for a bit as boys do. And the girls didn’t mind staying in with the children. Lauren wasn’t staying however, she had business to attend to on the next day. So, she was making her way back to the airport. Nick followed her there to say goodbye to his son.   
Howie asked, “Does Lauren know about Lindz and Nick?”  
Kevin and Brian tilted their heads and looked at Howie, “What makes you think that?”  
Howie looked at his bandmates, “Did you not see the hostility between them? Lindz didn’t wanna be around them, Lauren hates her guts.”  
“Well I did notice Lauren and Nick weren’t the lovely dovey couple they’ve always showed off to everyone.”  
“Well babe, marriages aren’t that perfect!” Brian darted at Leighanne.  
Leighanne frowned at him, “Well, there are fights with us, but we always make up.”  
Kevin folded his legs across getting settled down, “Yeah but couz the amount of times Nick would ring you because Lauren would do his head in.”  
Brian nodded remembering the amount of times he would get a phone call from Nick wanting to crash over for a few days to let off steam.  
“Maybe he just isn’t ready to be a husband.” Kristin said.  
Leigh answered, “Well be late to think that now. But I believe his heart always belonged to Lindz… and now she is back well we have seen him with her…”  
“Yeah it’s like the old Nick is back. The young carefree kid…” AJ laughed, “Lauren is good for him, but I think he lost his spark a little. You know? Lost himself a little. Lindz brings it back out of the shell.”  
They are nodded with agreement and laughed, “I hope he knows what he is doing.”  
AJ looked at Brian, “Why bro?”  
Brian looked up not realising he had said that out loud, “Oh erm… just the conversation the other week Lindz and I had…”  
“Oh yeah?” Rochelle said intrigued.  
“Well go on tell us.” Kristin announced. But Brian would not say.  
Leighanne on the other hand would, “She’s not happy with Nick… he said he would sort something out, you know so they can be together and he’s stalling. And well after this tour she could be going home.”  
Everyone was a little stunned and shocked. There was an awkward silence.  
“Aww, well I suppose he needs his backside kicking. She’s a good girl!” Kristin said madly.  
Kevin nodded, “Absolutely agree. But if he isn’t committing then fair play to her.”  
Howie looked sad, “Well I’m not ready to lose my sister again because Nick can’t make his mind up!”

……………………………………………

I slowly opened my eyes, feeling groggy and sore. I noticed I was lying comfortably and on a soft surface. As my eyes came into focus, I looked around to find that I was lying in a bed and in a room. Surrounding me was the girls, looking extremely concerned and a nurse. I coughed.

“LINDZ!” Kimm shouted.  
Sille jumped up, “Jesus Christ! Thank God you’re awake!”  
I coughed again, “But how?? Where?? Where are we??”  
It’s obvious I had blacked out at the café, and some how got to a hospital possibly by an ambulance.  
“At hospital. You gave us a fright.” Inke said.  
I went to rub my head and felt at the back of it there was some kind of rough gauze sticking to it. The girls realised I was feeling this.  
“You banged your head Lindz and you cracked it open on the sink. Kimm found you in the bathroom as you’d been gone for a while.”  
“Yeah, we had no idea what was up. Your phone rang and we had to answer it and say you were busy. Then I went to find you and all I saw was the blood near your head.”  
The nurse looked at me, “How are you Lindz?”  
I nodded, “I feel okay. Just need a drink, throat is dry.”  
The nurse smiled and passed me the drink of water, where I almost guzzled it in one gulp. I was so thirsty. I looked at the girls again with sadness.  
“I’m sorry girls. For making you worry.”  
“I knew you weren’t looking well.” Kimm said, “I suppose AJ and I can sense when something not right.”  
I nodded and smirked, “Yes mother!”  
We laughed, but I couldn’t laugh too much because my head hurt and my whole body ached. God I must have fell hard.  
The doctor arrived and shook everyone’s hands.

“Hey doctor.”  
“Now Lindz, you’ve had a bit of a fall, haven’t we?”  
“I guess so. I don’t remember it but okay.”  
The doctor looked concerned. I felt an itch in the crease of my arm, and as I went to scratch it, I realised I had a bruise and a needle mark.  
“Yeah we had to take some bloods from you. Your friends here consented for you.”  
“Okay.”  
The doctor carried on, “Your bloods are okay however I have prescribed you these. You must take them daily and you only need to take one in the morning…”  
The doctor handed me two bottles, one was iron tablets and the other was folic acid. I took a double take and again it was folic acid.  
I looked at the girls and then at the doctor, “Er doctor why have I got these?”  
I waved the folic acid around. And it dawned on me… and my gut dropped. The sudden realisation scared the crap out of me. Leighanne was right to assume it. 

I was pregnant!! With Nick’s child- de ja vu all over again!!!!!!!


	26. Chapter 26

The doctor noticed the sudden realisation on my face.  
“Yes Lindz. One of the blood results that came back, and it was for a pregnancy test.”  
I looked at the girls and they were slightly excited and shocked.  
“And?” I asked already knowing the answer, but she wanted the doctor to say it.  
The doctor nodded, “You are pregnant Lindz.”  
I gulped… hard. I laid my head back on the pillow again and took slow, deep breaths.  
“I have arranged for you to go to the ultrasound department to have a scan. Then we can see just how far along you are.”  
I looked at the doctor; straight-faced, “Thanks.”  
The doctor nodded again and excused himself before he left the room. I internally broke down but my face didn’t show it. 

“Oh my God Lindz!” Sille said excitedly.  
Inke came over to me with her arms open, “Come here. Let me give you a hug.”  
I sat up properly and Inke swung her arms around me. I broke, I broke down. I burst into tears.  
Inke took a step back, “Oh hunnie. This isn’t what you need right now is it?”  
I looked at her and the girls behind my tears and shook my head…  
Kimm came over and hugged me, “Girl, what you gonna do?”  
I hadn’t thought of it. I had just found out that I am pregnant with a married man’s child. And it happened to be Nick Carter’s child. You know, the Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys. After all these years and miscarrying our child fifteen years ago, this was just rocking the boat for my heart. I was full of emotions. I was planning on going home after this tour, I can’t do that now! Nor can I do this either! I am on the implant; how can this happen?? This is the first time my contraception has failed on me. And now I’m gonna have to arrange not only to have this scan but to have my implant taken out.

“Are you going to tell Nick?” Sille asked.  
I looked up at her and my sobs started to ease, and I was able to breathe better and I could find the strength to fight through it to answer.  
“Yes of course… I just need time to process this. This changes everything.”  
Kimm nodded, “Of course it does hun. And yes you need the time to get this around your head.”  
“It’s exciting, another Backstreet kid on its way.”  
Inke cracked me up and the other girls really. They laughed. I’m so glad I found out around them as they are like my sisters. Another nurse came into the room asking for me. It was time to go to the ultrasound. I was anxious, I’m going to see my baby on the screen for the first time and I have no idea how far I was. Looking down at my belly rubbing it in circular motion. It wasn’t that big, so I can’t be that far gone! The nurse brought a wheelchair in the room and I was made to use this. Again I have hit my head and cracked it open, so with such injury I had to take it easy. I mean I look well, black arm with a needle mark and a cracked skull, Nick’s gonna want answers as he’ll think I’ve been mugged or something lol. I had to laugh at it as it does look bad. I climbed slowly out the bed, with the attendance of Kimm on one side and Sille on the other side of me holding me up to help me move to the wheelchair. I sat in the wheelchair and waved the girls off and the next minute I knew I was out the room. The nurse wheeled me down the corridor and we turned left to the elevator.

We got into the elevator; I was scared. The nurse smiled at me, probably sensing the tension I had. She was trying to calm me down, but it didn’t seem to be helping. She was lovely though. We went up the elevator and I started to feel my heartbeat banging on my ribcage. It was as though it wanted out… I was terrified. I am going to have to tell Nick about our baby. The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened and in big bold white letters on a black sign read out a few words. Some were foreign to me, but then I saw the English/American interpretation ‘Ultrasound’. I was here and I was being wheeled closer to a corridor. The nurse stopped in front of the fifth door on the left and opened it going in backwards and rolling me in.  
“Hey Lindz!” This nice, lovely male was stood at this chair. I saw loads of things surrounding us. There were three other people in the room, one including the nurse. I was told they are sonographers and are on standby in case second opinions are needed. I was then led to the chair. It was as daunting as going to the dentist with the chair. Once placed I was told to pull the waistline form my pants down slightly and pull the top up so it showed the belly. He smiled at me and softly asked, “Are you okay sweet?”  
He was American, I could tell if the slang in his voice. It relieved me a little.  
“I’m okay, anxious but I’m okay.”  
He smiled, “You had no idea, did you?”  
I shook my head, “Nope, had no idea.”  
“Well I’m gonna put this gel on your yummy, warning you its gonna be cold so if it is.”  
I nodded and not taking him on, I gasped! IT WAS FREEZING!!! He got this doppler, I think, and swirled it into the gel and then he pressed slightly, having the doppler in different positions. I had my eyes closed the whole time. He was silent and I didn’t like it. It didn’t help my anxiety any better. He made me jumped when he finally spoke after a few minutes.  
“Oh there you go! We see the baby.” He smiled at me.  
I suddenly opened my eyes and I stared at the screen… and looking back at me was the image of indeed a baby. And it was my baby… I felt a little tear stroll down my face. And then I smiled. And felt this warm fuzz spread all over my body. I felt happy, calm and excited! I was gonna be a mom.   
The sonographer took some measurements of the baby as I just stared at the screen. The little jumping bouncing bean was bopping everywhere.  
“There we are finished. All is perfect!”  
I nodded smiling, “How far…?”  
He smiled, “You’ll may be shocked here but you’re further than you are thinking… you’re 16 weeks pregnant!”  
I was indeed shocked. I felt the colour leave my face. 16 weeks?! Which means… surely it wasn’t the day on the cruise ship! It’s the only time I can think of!  
There was another silence. The sonographer cleared his throat.  
“You know I can always tell you what you’re having?”  
I looked at him. I forgot I was at that stage, I was hesitant, but I really wanted to know so I nodded.  
“It’s a girl!”  
Oh… my… God! I slowly cried, but this time they were happy tears. It’s like our baby from fifteen years ago has finally come to say hi again. I was overjoyed. I couldn’t wait to tell people, and especially Nick! But I needed to know if he really was in this relationship for the long haul. The sonographer handed me a few copies of the scan and wished me a good day.  
“Well you have a good day. Take it easy and keep hydrated Miss. And now you can tell the lucky fella!”

I made my way back to the room I was once in and greeted the girls smiling.  
“She’s happy!” Kimm said smiling, “I think someone is keeping?”  
I nodded, “Yes I am.”  
“So how far are you?” Sille asked jumping in anticipation.  
I laughed, “Far enough to know the gender of my baby.”  
Inke was shocked, “Give over!”   
I nodded and told them just how far I was. They were just as shocked as I was.   
A doctor came into the room and introduced themselves. They had turned up because the implant needed to be removed so the hormones within the device didn’t affect the pregnancy.   
……………………………………….

Nick had come back from the airport and noticed they were still missing one person. Brian and AJ explained that I had sent a text and that I was okay (I hadn’t, I told the girls to do it.) He was not taking it what they were saying as he was a born worrier, but he gave them their credit and sat down.   
The others went to their hotel rooms which left Nick, Rochelle and AJ in the lobby.  
“Did Lauren and the kid get to the airport safe?” AJ asked.  
Nick smiled and nodded, “Yeah they did bro.” but he could see that AJ had a little serious and concerned expression on his face, “What’s up Alex?”  
AJ sat up properly and leaned in as though telling people secrets, “What are you doing with Lindz?”  
Nick squinted, “I don’t know what you’re going on about.”  
Rochelle chirped in, “You need to get your ass together mate and sort something out.”  
“Wow, where is this coming from guys? I only took Lauren because I wanted to say goodbye to my son.”  
AJ lifted his hands in the air, “Look, all I’m going to tell you is you best make your fucking move brother otherwise you’re gonna lose that girl. And for good!”   
Nick was shocked. The way AJ spoke to him, he barely spoke in that raspy serious tone in his voice.  
“I’m serious Nick. Lindz is pretty much had enough. To be honest, we all have!”  
Nick frowned, “But I am sorting it out! You guys just don’t know what I’m doing and neither does she. I’m trying to arrange something and it to be a surprise for Lindz.”  
AJ loosened his stern look, “Anyway where have you heard this from AJ? What’s been said in my absence?”  
AJ shrugged his shoulders, “Just that, she has spoken to Brian.”  
“She’s not happy Nick,” Rochelle announced, “And to be honest we don’t blame her!”  
Nick slapped his hands on his knees, “For fucks sake. I am in the middle of something, which in the end of it Lindz and I can be together.”  
“Will it take long?” Rochelle perked up.  
Nick lifted his shoulders, “I’m just waiting from Lauren’s solicitor.”  
AJ glared at Rochelle and then stared at Nick, “Lauren’s solicitor?”  
“Yes Alex. If you really want to know I have filed for a divorce. I’m divorcing Lauren, this has been on a process for a few weeks now. It’s stalled because I’ve had to get the papers saying Lauren was the one stalling the divorce proceedings.”  
AJ and Rochelle bowed their heads, they felt ashamed, “Bro look I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”  
“Does she know?” Rochelle asked Nick. And he nodded.  
“Yes, she knows about Lindz and I… I had to say something to her. I couldn’t lie no more. I don’t love her no more.”  
“But you love Lindz right?” AJ asked.  
Nick gasped, “Of course AJ. I wouldn’t be putting all my life assets on the line if I didn’t love Lindz. You know that never went away for her.”  
AJ smiled and stood up, he opened his arms out and Nick came off his seat and walked into his brother’s arms.  
“So, you guys know now… and tell me where or who said this? About Lindz?”  
“Leighanne said Lindz and Brian had a conversation a while ago and that Lindz is thinking of going home… she obviously wants more from you.” Rochelle said.  
Nick was panicking, “Ah shit! This is something I did not want to happen. And I cannot rush it either. I just hope I get the final papers before she fucks off. We have a little getaway planned. I have a surprise for her for then!”   
AJ placed a hand on his bandmates shoulder, “Let’s hope they arrive on time then bro! we would hate to see her leave. We love her being here. She has brought the Nick we knew back alive again and we would hate to see that go.” And then he pulled his mate into a bromance embrace.


	27. Chapter 27

Back at the hospital and I had been discharged with my scans in my handbag and feeling happy but very emotional. And very hormonal. The girls had been amazing… and lucky enough we still had enough time to go to the shops and get this Slimer I had promised Odin with. I couldn’t break that promise, I mean if we were to live as a family, I had to gain his trust as someone he could rely on as he grew up. Even though the girls were telling me to take it easy. And I was, I had my girls with me to keep an eye on me. But I honestly looked like I had been beaten up. My arm, where my implant was in, is now bandaged. I have a needle mark and a bruise on my left arm where the hospital staff took my bloods and then I had a head wound with a head bandage. I looked like I had been in the war. We were in town when Rochelle rang my phone. She was saying that if the girls wanted to stay at the hotel, they will book a room for Kimm, Sille and Inke for us. However, they had already got their rooms in another hotel, not far from where we were staying anyway. 

“I reckon we should go and get something to eat, before we part ways for today.” Kimm said.  
I frowned, but I understand they also had other things planned, “Hey okay. Where should we go for food?”  
“You okay to eat now Lindz?” Sille asked. She explained I was still looking slightly pale.  
I nodded, “I’m starving. Can’t believe I wasted what I ordered earlier Haha.”  
“Well, there is a lovely Chinese buffet in the main square if you ladies fancy it?” asked Inke.  
We all agree we were going to the main square and to go to the Chinese, where we can talk more but more than likely the girls would swoon over the baby scans instead. I mean it is wrong, not showing Nick first, but the girls have been there for me all this time today.

……………………………………………….

The boys had gone to find the nearest golf course, although it took a while to find one. Amsterdam wasn’t much for golfing. Nick drove one caddy with AJ and Howie, and Brian drove the other caddy with Kevin. They drove from the administration centre to the first hole. Once the caddies were parked the boys got together to start the golf session.  
Howie decided to go first, followed by Brian. 

“Brian your posture is all wrong. How long ago did you play golf?”  
Brian stood up after trying to get into position. He looked up to see Nick was glaring at him.  
“Dude, can you please keep quiet? Trying to focus here.”  
Nick sniggered, “You are good at staying quiet aren’t ya?.”   
Brian looked at his bandmate again and shook his head, “Whatever man.”  
And got back into position and swung his club to hit his ball. It was a lovely swing and a lovely distance. AJ turned to Nick, to gesture to keep himself cool and that he had no idea what was wrong with him. Again, they took it in turns, AJ, Nick and lastly Kevin. They all had great starts to the game. All laughing and joking and clearly having a good time. Though Nick felt some animosity towards Brian.

An hour into their golf session, they drove and parked near hole 21 and walked over to the starting point.  
“So what are we doing tonight fellas?” Kevin asked.  
Everyone looked at Kevin and shrugged their shoulders.  
“You got anything in mind Kev?” Howie said.  
Kevin went on thinking and planning how they all should have a meal with one another, wives and children included, and how they should go out to a bar afterwards.  
“Wouldn’t the wives be pissed? I mean they will have look after the kids. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind the meal but going out it’s a bit of a kick in the teeth.”  
Nick laughed, “Well I’m in, I ain’t got kids to deal with. I’m sure Lindz would be up for it.”  
Brian shook his hands, “Not for me cousin, I’ll stay with Leighanne.”  
“She still holding your hand dude?” Nick snarled. The boys looked at Nick speechless. The boys always thought that Brian was ran by Leighanne, but they have always kept it to themselves. However, Nick, has a short fuse and an attention span of a Llama. He also had no filter with his words, which included his emotions and thoughts.

“What are you implying there Nick?” Brian asked, “In fact screw that. What the fuck is your problem with me today bro?”  
His shrugged his shoulders, “Oh I don’t know, got something to say to my face Brian? Is there something you are keeping quiet about?”  
“Nick!! Don’t do this right here!” AJ placed his hand on his friend’s shoulder. Nick seemed to calm his breathing down.  
Brian replied, “Actually no, go right ahead. Spill it out man. I ain’t got time for this shit!”  
Nick threw his club hard to the ground.  
“Well in a matter of fact, I will,” He could a breath, “When was you gonna talk to me about your conversation with Lindz?”  
Brian was gobsmacked and shocked. He looked at his bandmates and shook his head, “GUYS?!?! YOU TOLD HIM!!” He shouted.  
“Brian, he had a right to know about it to be honest. I’m on their side,” Kevin answered his cousin.  
“I can’t believe this; this was the main reason why I didn’t wanna tell you. The reaction you’re giving is horrible.”  
“So, Brian, you have a conversation with the love of my life, about how she is feeling right now, and yet had no intention in telling me….”  
Brian sniggered, “Yeah well if she was the love of your life then why you still stringing her along?”  
Nick folded his arms, “The one thing I ain’t doing is stringing her along. It’s taking a lot longer than I had participated dude! Trust me, I am sorting that out!”  
“Well why do I not believe you Nick?! That girl has extended her visa long enough, and yet she isn’t any closer to wondering what the fuck is going on with you… it’s not fair on the girl!”  
Nick took a big breath. AJ could see his mate was getting angry. So, he intervened.  
“Look B-Rok, I had a chat with Nicky last night. He is trying to sort this. You just need faith in him and patience.”  
Nick looked at his bro and nodded, “Thanks dude! Thanks for having my back and believing me!”  
AJ nodded and smiled, “Always will have your back Nicky.”  
He then turned back to Brian and glared once more. Brian raised his hands, as though he was surrendering.  
“Look bro, I’m sorry I didn’t come to you sooner. I didn’t see how it was my place to come and speak to you about it.”  
Howie chirped, “I see Brian’s point there Nick. In all fairness, Lindz needs to come and speak to you about it all. Brian didn’t have to do jack shit!”  
Nick looked at Kevin. He had the look in his eyes to say to Nick, that while he believed Nick needed to know, he also believed it wasn’t Brian’s place to tell him. Nick unfolded his arms, lowered his shoulders and bowed his head.  
He then looked up at Brian once more.  
“Sorry Brian… I am just frustrated that you two talked and I didn’t know anything about it.”  
Brian nodded and smiled, “Hey, I would be feeling the way you do, but perhaps you need to talk to Lindz about it… before you lose her.”  
Nick nodded his head in agreement and then pulled his bandmate into a brotherhood hug before they carried on finishing their golf game.

…………………………………………….

The girls and I had finished our food and shopping spree when we decided to go back to the hotel. I thought it would have been an excellent idea to introduce the girls to the wives of the boys. I mean, I’m sure the ladies wouldn’t have minded as they did offer to pay for a room for them. We walked into the foyer of the hotel and in the lobby, I saw Kristin and Rochelle.

“Hey ladies!”   
“LINDZ?!” Kristin jumped up and then pointed, “Whatever happened?”  
She had noticed the bandage around my head. It’s not like it wasn’t in clear vision haha.  
“Oh that, don’t worry about me. I had a dizzy spell and fell. Ended up in hospital. But I’m okay now.”  
“You told us you were okay? You messaged AJ.” Rochelle said concerned.  
I shook my head, “I lied, sorry. Kimm sent you the message. I told her too, I knew everyone was still here, so I didn’t want you to get the boys worried.”  
Kristin hugged me, “Well you are here now. And I guess these are the lovely girls we hear so much about.”  
I smiled, “Yes. This is Kimm, Inke and Sille.” I introduced the girls to Rochelle and Kristin. I didn’t need to tell the girls the wives names as they obviously knew who they were.  
“Where’s Odin and Lauren?” I asked.  
Rochelle answered, “Oh they’ve gone back home. Lauren had something she needed to work on at home tomorrow so she couldn’t stay.”  
“Okay, well I’ll leave you guys here. I’m just gonna take the shopping upstairs and get freshened up.”  
The girls nodded and off upstairs I went.

I entered the hotel room and plonked the shopping on the bed. I went into the bathroom and ran the cold tap, splashing the water on my face. It was so cold, which woke me up. I placed more make up on my face and unravelled the bandage from my head. I placed a bit of toilet tissue on the back of my head and when I pulled it away there was a small blob of blood on it. ‘It will be okay’ I thought. It’s not bleeding much, so I placed the bandage in the bin and messed with my hair… in fact I washed it and then dried it. I had to do a low ponytail because the wound was where my bobble would originally go. I quickly changed my top too; it was speckled with blood spots. And then I made my way back down to the girls. 

“So how long have you girls known each other?” Kristin asked Kimm.  
Kimm answered, “We’ve known each other for a couple of years actually.”  
“Is that all?” Leighanne asked popping from the elevator. She came and sat with Kristin.  
Sille nodded, “Yeah, we met on Twitter. From the fandom and then we became friends.”  
“So did you guys know Lindz had been with Nick back in the day?” Rochelle asked.  
Inke shook her head, “No we didn’t. She kept that quiet.”  
I giggled, “I mean, I couldn’t say. You are Nick girls, as I call you. I couldn’t just come out with it. That shit is told if I trust people.”  
“Oh, so you didn’t trust us?” Sille said laughing.  
I shrugged my shoulders, “Obviously I trust you now, as you know everything.”  
I looked at them, as they know what I meant by that. They did know everything, the fact I was pregnant and no one else around us knew about it. Just me and my girls.   
Rochelle smiled, “It’s nice you guys have become friends though.”  
Leigh came running from the bar with some drinks.  
“There you go ladies!”  
“Thanks Leigh.”  
We sat with the girls chatting and laughing. The children were cooped up on their tablets and iPads; they were occupied. An hour had passed and suddenly we were stopped in our tracks when we all heard a loud laugh coming through the front door. It was clear who that was. It was Nick, the boys were back from their golfing session. I was stood at the bar with Kimm, getting another round in.

I felt a grope on my ass and I nearly dropped the drinks. I stared at Nick but deep down I enjoyed the public affection.  
“Excuse me!” I looked at Nick. All he did was smirked; ear to ear.  
“There’s my girl!” He grabbed the back of my head, bringing my face closer to his, kissing my lips. I smiled as I kissed him again. As I turned to go towards the girls, Nick looked at his hand and became quite worried.  
“Babe?!”  
I turned around and looked at him, “Yes Nick?”  
“Your head… it’s bleeding!”  
He lifted his hand up and showed us the blood spot on his hand. He came closer to my head and looked closer to the back of it. I froze and gulped hard.  
He looked at me and stroked my face, “What happened? That’s a gash on your head right there. I mean that’s huge!”  
Brian came quickly over to inspect. And then Howie.  
“Lindz, what’s that?” he pointed at my arm. He could see the bruise on my arm, and a needle mark where they took bloods from me. I really didn’t hide any of this very well. It was clearly showing for the naked eye.  
Nick’s facial expression became serious, “Lindz, what the fuck?”  
I started to feel a little faint again. The panic and the seriousness in Nick’s face really didn’t help me. I felt a couple of hands on my back. It was Kevin, he grabbed my arm and took me to sit with the girls so I can get my breath back. I’m guessing he could sense I wasn’t feeling myself at that moment.  
“Look guys, don’t worry…”  
“Don’t worry?” Howie jumped in, “You’ve got a huge gash on your head and now you have a bruise.”  
I lifted my hand to silence him, “Guys it’s fine. Unfortunately, being jet lagged, not eating much I went a little lightheaded in the café. And I was in the bathroom. I fainted and hit my head on the way down.”  
“But…” Nick started but I cut him off.  
I carried on, “No buts. I was taken to hospital and had my bloods taken. All is okay. I’ve eaten, and I’ve kept my fluids up. Don’t worry I haven’t been drinking with the girls either. I have painkillers to help with the throbbing I have. But other than that, I’m okay. Sorry I got Kimm to message you to lie I was okay, but I didn’t want the panic.”  
Nick came and sat next to me, wrapping his arm around me. He kissed my forehead and smiled, “Well as long as you’re okay.”  
“I am.” I smiled.

“Well, we have decided to all go for dinner to some fancy place. If you ladies are up for it?” AJ asked, “That does include you too Kimm, Sille and Inke.”  
They were honoured and accepted the offer to have dinner with everyone although they had plans, then again you wouldn’t turned down an opportunity to hang out with the Backstreet Boys now.  
“Aww thank you AJ,” Inke answered, “That’s nice of you all.”  
“Well, you’re welcome. Our treat!” AJ winked.  
Brian said, “So we are going to get there in a few hours. If that’s okay?”  
“Sounds like a plan to me!” I spoke.  
Nick replied, “We were talking about going to the bar across the road afterwards. They have karaoke on.”  
Brian and Leighanne, said they weren’t going but they didn’t mind looking after the other children while the others came out with the boys.  
“Look you have fun! It’s about time you guys let your hair down,” Leighanne said to Rochelle.  
Rochelle smiled and so did Kristin, “Thanks Leighanne.”

…………………………………………………………….

A few hours later and we all went out for dinner as planned where we all had lovely meals. The boys really did know how to spoil you. Full on three course meals with Champagne. I had one glass, but that is all I had. Nick was being incredibly careful and kept checking on me in case I wasn’t okay, bless him. He really is a worrier. We then went to this Irish karaoke bar after our meals and we had fun. There were lots of laughs, singing, dancing… you name it, it happened. It was amazing to spend that night out with my girls with the boys too. Sille, Inke and Kimm, made their way back to their hotel while Nick and I left the others in the bar. I was feeling quite tired. Although it was two in the morning, so we did quite well. Nick was also feeling tired, despite being the party animal he is. I was amazed at how he controlled his drinking that night. He has come a long way with his relationship with alcohol. However I feel he did it because of me and my head wound and wanting to make sure I was okay.

Nick and I went back to our hotel room and locked the door. I went straight into the bathroom where I secretly went to spew up but also to start taking my make up off. Nick cleared the bed from clothes and what not and looked for the television remote. He strips to his boxers and climbs into bed and under the duvet. He turned the TV on and started to flick through the channels. I had got changed into some nightwear and walked from the bathroom into the open plan area.  
“Aww how cute does my baby look in her nightie!” Nick smirked.  
I blushed. I still wasn’t used to his compliments.  
He smiled, sat up and threw the duvet over, revealing the bedsheet over the mattress. He patted it.  
“C’mon now and get snuggled my baby girl, I’ll make you feel better.”  
I smiled and climbed in bed, Nick throwing the duvet over us. He kissed me on the forehead. I lifted my head up to his and kissed him passionately on his soft lips. His arms automatically wrapped around me. He pulled away and looked into my eyes. He then did a little nose wiggle, rubbing against mine. He lifted his left arm up so I could get snuggled in and under his arm, my head resting on his chest. The beat of his heart was so deafening but soothing as well. We lay there watching telly, whilst Nick was playing with my hair.

“Are we okay Lindz?” Nick asked. He waited for an answer, but there wasn’t one, “Lindz?” He looked the best he could at me. He realised I had gone to sleep whilst snuggled up. 

*Nicks POV*  
Why do I feel there’s something not right? I’m bothered about knowing I’m about to lose this girl. I am really trying to get this sorted. To be the guy Lindz wants me to be. In fact the guy that I wanna be. AJ was right, I feel like my young self again when I’m around her. Her sleeping on me like this is absolutely amazing. To be able to have her in my arms again, it’s what I needed. She takes my breath away. Why is love so complicating? I mean I could die right now and be so happy. I also feel like shit because my poor babe fell, and I wasn’t there to help her. I wasn’t there to protect her… when I should be. I need to ring up in the morning, to see if I can’t fast track this divorce. I don’t wanna be married to Lauren anymore and it’s grinding on my teeth that I still am. 

Nick looks back at me, still sleeping and smiles. He carries on strolling his fingers through my hair. Squeezes my hand and kisses the top of my head. “I love you so damn much Lindz. You have no idea.” 

He carried on watching the TV until he dozed off.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **MORNING SEX SCENE**  
> **WARNINGS**

The next morning and I wake up, with the sun gleaming through the curtains. And yet the curtains were closed. They must have been made with cheap material which doesn’t do much. As I stretched my whole body, the moment we all do when we awake, I noticed I had an empty space at the side of me. Nick wasn’t in bed with me, I felt quite sad because the one I loved waking up next to him was the morning cuddle. Then again, the morning cuddle would always turn into something more. And now thinking about it, made my hormones goes wild. I was getting the feels, whilst thinking about morning sex with that blonde haired boy. It was the best feeling in the morning. However, once I got my barring from stretching I heard a voice in the bathroom. It was Nick and he was on the phone. I looked at the lock screen on my phone and the time was telling me it was 7:03am. ‘Who could he be on the phone too at this ungodly hour?’ I thought. I listened carefully and I heard him talking to someone. Whatever they were talking about sounded serious. Nick was explaining how he needed to fast track whatever it is they were talking about. And that he was running out of time to get everything sorted. I then heard he hung up and came out of the bathroom. 

Nick walked out of the bathroom, in his boxers. I laughed because the thought of him being on the phone to someone, who could have been of importance, and yet he is talking to them in his boxers. Nick was startled when he heard me laughed. He looked towards the bed and saw I was leaning on my shoulder and looking at him smiling. He looked back at me and smiled.  
“Good morning beautiful.” He sighed, “Didn’t realise you were awake.”  
“I’ve just woke up. Who was you talking too? At this time too?”  
Nick gestured that it was nothing “Oh just talking to management.”  
I laughed again, “You talk to your management in your boxers? Good job they don’t know that.”  
He laughed and came and sat next to me on the bed, stroking my hair and kissing me on the lips. The feels I was getting as I was waking up and remembering morning sex sessions with Nick was awakening again once more. I deepened the kiss on his lips, cupping his neck with my hands.  
“When’s breakfast?” I asked catching my breath.  
Nick looked at the time, “In an hour. Why babe?”  
I had no idea where it came from, my hormones were controlling me. I was eyeing him up with my glint in my eyes. I passionately kissed him again. Deepening with every kiss I planted on those luscious lips. Tongues were meeting… then my hands went wandering. My left hand travelled to his package and gently stroked over his boxers.  
He pulled away, smirking. He could see the devilish looks I was giving. But he was pouring with horniness too.  
He gulped, “So she wants to play then?” He lifted his eyebrows, “I can do that.”  
He leaned down to my level and kissed us on the lips, stroking my face. As he was being busy devouring my mouth, he removed his boxers in a quick movement. My eyes widen when I saw the view that he was obviously happy to see us. He was certainly standing up for something. He slid under the duvet, passionately kissing the side of my neck. Which he knew made me squirm underneath him. Taking a finger, he trailed his finger down from the lips to my breasts, swirling around the top of my nightie around my nipples. Hardening them he whipped my nightie off and carried on trailing his finger around my breast. He took the stare and stared deeply in my eyes; he never broke the eye contact. This was fucking hot. How he loved to watch you when he pleased you, in a way so it was such a turn on, it’s hard to explain what he did to my body. He made it crave him more. He then trailed his finger, gently downwards to my navel, where I spasmed a little. It was like a little lightning bolt going through me, awakening all my nerve ending. And then he teased; he trailed his finger down to my hood but stopped. ‘No fucking way’ I thought. Was he really gonna just leave me like that worked up? But he did not. Nick licked his finger and began to gently stroke the hood. Over and down the folds, his finger hovered. Sending my senses over the edge. I looked at him, as he looked at me. I began to bite my lower lip, which made him smirk. He came closer to my lips again and passionately kiss me, whilst slowly driving his shaft in between my legs.  
He groaned, “Oh fuck! You’re so… oh fucking hell babe! You’re so fucking wet!” whilst holding on the base of his length, he thrusts the tip inside slowly whilst teasing around with the hood. The feeling was fucking amazing!! When he felt my clenches from within, the deeper he thrusted, taking his full length. It felt so good, too fucking good!  
I stopped him, “I don’t wanna cum, not yet!”  
He smiled and then smirked as though he had an idea. Again, he was full of positions, he flipped me over on to my fours, and slipped himself in. The penetration was so fuller and deeper, the feeling was so addictive. As he thrust, I would thrust back on him, which made me moan. Pushing myself on his length, taking control, was not just bringing me to the edge but I could feel him hardening more with every thrust back I did. He purely enjoyed me being in control sometimes.  
“Oh shit! Lindz you’re gonna make me cum. That’s so good, it feels so fucking good”.  
So, I pushed back harder, making him swallow his words and moan more. He pulled himself over me so he could turn my head to the side to kiss me. He placed a hand on my hips, controlling the ass and one hand wrapped around my neck. He took a good firm, taking back the control of where it went. He whispered in my ear, “Cum for me. I want you to cum on my cock!”  
I couldn’t speak hardly, I just looked at him and nodded. Nick let go of my neck and with both hands grabbed my hips and pounded me from behind. I wanted to watch him, so I twisted my back so I could watch him pounding me from the side. Our eyes connected when he pounded me. I exploded.  
“Yes, yes, yes! God that feels so good, you cumming on my cock Lindz” Nick groaned. "Oh fuck me!"  
He went faster and harder and seconds later, Nick moaned so loudly when he released himself. Breathing heavily, Nick slapped my ass.  
“Woo! Shit that was amazing!” He pulled out wiping off the sweat on his forehead. I sat up and smiled. He pulled me over to him and we passionately kissed. The cuddle after sex was always the icing on the cake for me. 

Nick got up and went to the bathroom, when he took a double take and quickly came back in.  
“Er… isn’t that where your rod is?” Nick had pointed to my arm that had a bandage on it. He was right, it was the arm my implant was in. Only it wasn’t there anymore. Shit!  
“It was.”  
He frowned in confusion, “What you mean, it was?”  
“Erm, the hospital had to remove it. Something to do with my levitated levels of hormones, wasn’t doing my body any good.”  
Nick nodded, “So you are on something right?”  
I hastily shook my head, “They told me I needed to give my body a break!”  
I mean I should have just told him there and then, that it doesn’t fucking matter anyway. I mean the implant had failed me. I was already pregnant.  
There was a little awkwardness, not what you wanted to experience after just having mind blowing morning sex. As Nick went into the bathroom, I lied down on the bed, naked. That’s when I noticed it. My belly or was it my belly. As I was lied down, a visible bump appeared. I ain’t gonna be able to hide this much longer, was what was going through my mind. Especially if I am gonna be showing soon. Nick went into the bathroom and returned. He came and gave us a kiss. He seemed to be calm about it.  
“Well, I suppose if it happens, we will come to it when it does.” He smiled.  
‘Thank fuck for that’ I thought because it was too late anyway lol.

Down in the lobby everyone was saying morning to each other and getting seated, ready for breakfast. Nick and I was the last ones to enter the lobby and we sat opposite AJ and Rochelle.  
“How are you Lindz?” Rochelle asked.  
I answered, “I’m feeling loads better today thanks.”  
“There is definitely some colour back in you, that’s for sure.” AJ said grinning.  
“Are we flustered Lindz?” I turned to hear Howie asking this question. But I knew what he meant. I suddenly turned red faced with blushing.  
Nick had gone to the bar, to get the coffees and arrived back to our table. He stopped in his tracks as he had a feeling someone was looking at him. It was Kevin.  
Kevin sniggered, “Got some alone time finally brother?”  
Brian, Leighanne and Kristin burst out laughing. The children were still here and were so confused.  
Nick blushed and looked at me, “Honestly, can’t do nothing anymore.”  
Nick laughed and so did I.  
“Hey, it’s about time we saw that smile back on your face again Nickolas!” Leigh said.  
Nick smiled, “Thanks Leigh.”  
“Yeah, we finally have our geeky Nicky back with us!” AJ shouted as though he was on the mountain tops declaring it to the world.  
Nick sniggered whilst he tucked into his breakfast, “Dude I was always here!”  
Howie shook his head, “Na, we lost you for a minute. You mellowed.”  
“What the? You always told me to mellow out.” Nick said, “And now I did, you weren’t happy?”  
“There’s mellowing dude, and then there’s becoming boring,” Brian chirped in.  
The girls and I just sat there, being quiet. This was a conversation I was not getting involved in.  
“Mate, when was the last time you grabbed an ass in public?” AJ asked Nick. Nick nearly choked on his orange juice.  
“Dude!”  
“No, when was the last time you grabbed an ass? Apart from yesterday when you grabbed Lindz.”  
Nick thought all and hard but couldn’t answer, he shrugged his shoulders.  
“What’s that gotta do with anything?”  
“You stopped grabbing Lauren’s ass a long time ago in public dude. Since getting married, you went all weird.” Kevin said.  
Nick couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He felt embarrassed, probably because I was there. And the guys were talking about Lauren.  
I coughed, “Okay fellas, this got awkward.”  
AJ replied, “Sorry Lindz. But yeah, glad to see you’re happy again brother.”  
Nick looked at me and smiled. He kissed my lips in front of everyone, the first he had properly.  
“Yeah, I am happy when I have this one here.”

……………………………………..

Night-time came, and we were all chilling until the boys had to go to the arena to perform for thousands of fans. Sille, Inke and Kimm came along with us however they had their own tickets to the concert. In fact, I went with my girls as I did purchase a ticket with them before I was going to be invited to tag along with Nick. We all got ready for the gig; we were casual but sexy. I mean, it’s a concert. You don’t want to be going in high heels to just cripple yourself before the show starts. And we got all our stuff and we got onto the boys’ tour buses; they all had their own. So, the girls and I ended up on Nick’s tour bus together. It was long before we got backstage of the arena. As one by one we got off the tour buses, you could hear screams from thousands of fans… I forgot how overwhelming the sounds of fans screaming for the boys were. And the screams had just multiplied over the years. We walked in through the back door and into the arena, being followed by Mike and the security the boys had for each other. Mike was one of the boy’s bodyguards on tour. Staff showed us the direction to the backstage access where we are sat in the room everyone calls the ‘green room’. But instead, it was blue, and like a family room with the children of Howie, AJ and Kevin. 

Everyone was getting excited about the show, and although I was excited too, I didn’t feel it. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones. Or it could have been something. I had something playing on my mind all this time and I told myself that this tour was a make-or-break moment for me. Luckily, I was sat in a corner out of everyone’s way, I tapped my Google Chrome on my mobile and typed in a website. As I was browsing, I saw something for early in the morning. ‘Is this what I want?’ I thought. I thought for a good while.  
“Hey earth to Lindz”  
I snapped out of it and looked to see Kimm was waving at us.  
“Come on Lindz, time to get in our seats!”  
I nodded and then went straight back to my phone. I hesitated, but I pressed the submit button, when I felt something on my hair line. It was Nick, planting a little kiss.  
“See you later babe. Missing you already.”  
I looked up at him, feeing a little regret with what I had just done. I smiled, “Aww love you Nick. Have fun out there.”  
“Love you too Lindz.” Nick kissed me again on the lips.  
I told everyone to have fun and enjoy themselves and see them after the concert. All I wanted to do was the ground to swallow me whole.

Sille, Inke, Kimm and I entered the toilets before we went to sit in our seats. I was noticeably quiet while the girls were so excited. Kimm could see I wasn’t feeling the same.  
“Lindz everything okay?”  
I looked up at Kimm, “No.” I started to cry.  
“OMG girl what ever is the matter?!” Sille asked.  
I answered, “I paid for a flight for tomorrow morning. I’m going home.”  
“Aww going back to America?” Inke asked.  
I shook my head, “No I’m going home… to the UK. Tomorrow morning... it’s also a one way.”  
“You not going back to America?” Kimm asked concerned.  
I shook my head, “Nope. I’m leaving for good. And its eating me away.”  
“Well does Nick know about this?” Sille asked.  
Inke replied, “He wouldn’t let you go if he knew.”  
I hinted that Inke was right, and that Nick didn’t know.  
“Why hun?” Kimm asked.  
I gulped, “It’s obvious, I’m just his booty call. I know he says he loves me, but I feel like there’s something else.”  
“Like Lauren?!” Inke pointed out. She was right, I just kept thinking he still loves Lauren and with them having a child already I didn’t want to make it any more complicated.  
“But you’re pregnant, does he know about that yet?”  
“No Sille, he doesn’t! it’s all such a mess.”  
Sille hugged me, “Ah girl! Well let’s just forget the stress and just enjoy the concert.”  
“Yes, the stress won’t be healthy on the baby.” Kimm said smiling.  
I smiled back, “Thanks girls”  
And we went to sit in our seats. And right on time, the lights went out and the intro had started. This was gonna be an amazing night.

………………………………………

12am we managed to get back to the hotel. The gig was incredible, was they are amazing. All the boys are amazing singers and entertainers. We got straight into the tour buses to come back. My stomach was jumping… I needed to speak to someone about what I’ve planned. And the only person I feel like I can speak to about it is Brian. He was family after all. The girls said goodbyes and made their way to their hotel. We spoke a little and they asked me to let them know what was going to happen. Everyone else went to bed because of their children. Brian, Leighanne, Nick and I had a couple of drinks in the lobby until we all decided to call it a night.

Sat up in bed and I couldn’t sleep. Nick was snoring away at the side of me. He was so peaceful looking while he slept. My mind was ticking over. I looked at the clock it was 1am and I forgot to tell people I had to leave in the next couple of hours for this flight. I ended up texting Brian, who was luckily still awake. He texted me when he was stood outside the hotel room door. I slowly slipped out of bed and crept outside, holding onto the key card.  
“Hey Lindz, what’s up?” Brian whispered.  
I started to shake. I was losing focus to what I needed to tell him.  
“Girl you okay?”  
I shook my head, “I’ve bought a ticket for a flight back to the UK. I’m going home Brian.”  
Brian stood here in shock and disbelief.  
“When?”  
“Gotta be at the airport in a couple of hours…”  
“Fuck! And I see you haven’t spoken to Nick about this?”  
I shrugged my shoulders, “I’m sorry.”  
“How you getting there?” Brian asked.  
I had no answer. I didn’t think of that.  
“I’ll bell you; I’ll take you to the airport.” Brian said.  
I looked at him, “Are you sure?”  
He nodded, “Yeah. Best be a fucking good reason why you are just wanting to up and go.”  
“I’ll talk in the car on the way there.”  
Again, Brian nodded. We parted our ways, and I went back into the room. Still, Nick was sleeping heavily. Nothing wakes him up when he is in a deep sleep. I started to gather all my things and placed them carefully into my suitcase. I took my clothes out the wardrobe to place in my suitcase and I went to collect my toiletries from the bathroom. As I was busy getting my stuff ready, it was time to leave the room, and leave Nick. I rummaged through my handbag and came across a few things, that I wrote on and left for Nick to see when he woke up or whenever. I placed it on the table near the TV. I came round to Nick’s side and gently kissed his head.  
“I love you so much Nick, but I’m sorry I have to do this. For me.” I whispered to him. He did a little groan and then tossed and turned the other way. Brian then pinged me and so I collected my stuff and walked through the room. Where Brian was waiting for me at the elevator. 

We walked into the elevator to the ground floor and walked through the front door and turned left to use a hire car Brian had rented just for the day before they travel on to another venue. He helped me with my luggage, and I got into the passenger seat. I looked up at the hotel, a tear falling from my eye. Brian sat in the driver’s seat, where he quickly caught me wiping the tear away. He quickly got settled when he turned to me.  
“Are you sure you wanna do this?”  
I nodded, “I need too.”  
“Okay.” And Brian buckled his seatbelt, as did I and turned the engine on. He pulled out of the parking space and started to drive onto the road to the airport.

“I made a big mistake coming back after all these years Brian.”  
Brian cracked his neck, “I wouldn’t say it has been a mistake. What’s made you think you had to do this?”  
“I feel like there’s something still there between Nick and Lauren. I know they have a child together, so it is different but yeah. I dunno. I just feel like I’m just some release when he isn’t at home, and that when he goes go home, he’s all over her.”  
Brian quickly looked over at me, whilst keeping his eyes on the road.  
“Lindz, when you left all those years ago broke him. It took him a long fucking time to get over you if he ever did. I mean look at you two, you’ve been connected again. Even after all these years. Surely that means something…”  
There was a pause, I had nothing to say.  
“But I understand your side too. The complication of this is that Nick is married with a son. I think leaving him this time round without speaking to him, I’m not a fan of. Last time it was different, and we all now understand why that happened. But now?”  
I bowed my head in shame, “You are right Brian. I’m not gonna defend myself. I am being a coward again, and it’s wrong of me. But I need to go…”  
“So, whatever I say isn’t gonna stop you? You are indeed going to go through with it.” Brian asked looking sad, “You know it won’t just be Nick that’ll miss you. Your cousins are gonna miss you terribly. I have enjoyed having you at our house all this time.”  
I smiled but I could feel myself welling up, “I have enjoyed every minute I really have. And I am so thankful for what you, Leighanne and even Baylee has done whilst I’ve been there.”  
Again, there was another silence.  
“I will miss you all. I have grown closer to you all again and I feel like I am losing that family all over again, but I also feel like I’m a spare part.”  
Brian didn’t say anything. He just listened. It was pretty much silence for the remaining time to the airport.

A little under an hour we got to the entrance of the departures area for the airport. Brian came out of his car and helped me with my suitcases and slammed his boot closed. He looked at me and I saw something I’ve never in my life of knowing him seen Brian do. He had tears falling down his face. And of course, with my hormones, that got me started.  
“Brian, please don’t be sad!” I held my arms out to hold him.  
He came and we hugged tightly.  
“Are you sure you don’t want me to take you back to the hotel?” Brian begged in a way. I looked around, sighed and took a breath whilst shaking my head.  
“No cousin. I need to do this.”  
Brian cried, “Well I suppose this is the moment I bid you farewell Lindz.”  
“It sure is Brian. You take care of yourself…and look after Nick.”  
“Hey, he’s a big boy. He can look after himself.” Brian smiled.  
I shrugged my shoulders, “I’m not so sure.”  
Brian came in and hugged me one final time before he climbed back into the car and drove off, waving us away.  
I was now alone, in front of the airport. I was dreading my decision. But in my gut, I felt this was what I needed to do… I took a massive, deep sighed. I took hold of the handle to my wheeled suitcase and placed the hand luggage on my back and move towards the entrance of the airport….


	29. Chapter 29

Nick wakes up after he reaches over to turn his alarm off on his phone. Every morning without fail he would stretch it out, and turn over to usually cuddle his love, but he was welcomed to an empty space. This made him sit up quickly, as to think what the hell. There was no me, to say morning and have morning cuddles with. With only waking up, Nick wasn’t the best to get into focus. He scanned the room, yet to him he did not see anything wrong with the set up. He listened carefully to see whether I was in the bathroom, but it was quiet.  
‘She must have gone downstairs to have breakfast’ Nick thought. He climbed out of bed and jumped into the shower. Once he finished, he dried himself and whacked a change of clothes on and made his way downstairs. 

When he came out the elevator, he noticed most of the crew was sat down. He scanned the area but couldn’t see me.  
“Hey Nick! Lindz still in bed?!” Howie asked.  
AJ chuckled, “Probably worn her out.”  
Nick shook his head, “I thought she would be here with you guys.”  
“What she not in your room?” Rochelle asked.  
Nick shook his head, “Nope. I wonder where she gone.”  
He went to pick up his phone from his pocket, then realising he had left it in the room.  
“Well, you might as well as breakfast Nick. Ring her when you’re done.” Kevin told him.  
He nodded in agreement because he was starving and that they were getting ready later on to travel to the next European country.  
“She could have just gone out for a walk Nick.” Leigh tried to reassure him.  
All the while Brian kept quiet. He hated the fact he knew where I was. The fact he took me to the airport. He checked his watch and realised that my flight wasn’t ready just yet. 

…………………………………….

I was so cold and tired at the airport. The airport was that big, so it wasn’t very warm. Especially early in the morning. I went to a counter to catch a bite to eat and a hot drink. I realised what time it was, so I decided to ring Nick.

I picked my phone up and dialled his number, yet I was dreading the thought of him picking it up.  
It dialled and dialled. But there was no answer. I hung up.  
‘Just leave a message Lindz’ I thought. It was a good idea at the time.  
So, I rang him again and I thought this was weird as he was forever in his phone.  
‘Please leave your message at the tone…. Beep’  
“Of all the times I needed you to have your phone on you Nick…” I took a deep breath. And I continued with my voicemail.

A few minutes later I hung up and I cried, I cried heavily. I knew he would have been up by now, probably eating breakfast. And yet he wasn’t anywhere near his phone. Maybe deep down I wanted him to come and get me. Beg for me to stay, least it would show me he cared. But instead, I displayed the flight mode on my phone and placed my mobile back in my pocket and found a seat near my gate, munching on my food and sipping on my hot latte. 

……………………………………….

“Where are we flying to today?” Leighanne asked.  
AJ answered, “I’m pretty sure its Poland.”  
“Not long before this European leg is over with.”  
“I know Howie. Can’t wait to get sorted when I get back.” Nick said, slightly smiling.  
Brian was still being quiet.  
“You okay bro?” Nick asked his bandmate. Brian jilted up quickly and gulped.  
“Oh yeah. I’m good. Tired that’s all.”  
Nick stood up and went back to the hotel room he was staying in and fell on the bed. He was kinda sad, he was wondering what was going on. I never just get up and leave him to sleep. He grabbed his phone, as he saw the blue light flashing. He realised he had a missed from me. He tried ringing back, but there was no dial tone. It went straight to voicemail.  
“Lindz, where are you babe? I’m getting a little worried because this isn’t like you at all. We are flying to Poland today and we need get ready and sort things out in the room.”  
Nick hung up, when he noticed on his screen that he had a voicemail message. He gulped hard hoping it wasn’t who he it was. He dialled the voicemail.

‘You have 1 new message…’  
“Hey Nick, I am so sorry. I couldn’t do this face to face because well I don’t do goodbyes. I do love you so much. I really do- I just don’t know what’s going on. Right now, I just needed something from you. Anything to show you wanted this; but I’ve been waiting long enough. I can’t waste my time over here any more than I already have. I don’t just have me to think about anymore. When you get this, I’ll be waiting to board my flight back home to the UK. I really cannot express how much I do love you, but I feel there’s something holding you to Lauren, and I don’t wanna be in the way of that if you still love her. I get you have a child with her, so it’s hard to let go. I just wish it wasn’t ending in this way. Look after yourself Nick. I’ll always love you, that had never stopped in the past fifteen years.”

‘left at 7:10am’

Nick sobbed; he sobbed his heart out. This wasn’t how he had planned it. He was losing everything under his nose.  
‘How could she think I still love Lauren? After yesterday? I don’t get her.’ Nick thought fighting through his tears.  
‘And what did she mean she hasn’t just got herself to think of? Who is she protecting?’  
A lot of thoughts and feelings overwhelmed Nick’s mind. He tried to ring my phone again and again there was no tone. He waited for it to go to voicemail… where he left a simple message “Please come back Lindz. I love you.”

Once Nick got his posture and started to calm down, he started to scan the room. Now it made sense why it looked so clean and tidy. He got up from the bed and looked in the wardrobe, to see my things were gone. He looked in the corner and all he saw was his suitcases, not mine. He somewhere caught a glimpse of something small near the TV. Something he knew wasn’t there the night before. He reached out to grab it. It was a white envelope named Nick on it. He instantly recognised the writing, it was mine. He opened the envelope to be met with an ultrasound scan. It was the scan of our baby. He turned the scan over where it was written ‘I have our little girl to think about xx’

*Nick’s POV*  
What the fuck? She’s pregnant?! She must have found out the other day in hospital. These were done 2 days ago. Is this the reason why she’s gone? Fuck! The isn’t anything else in this world I wanted right now. I wanted Lindz, and our baby… our little baby! My little girl… I can’t believe it! She was pregnant all those years ago, with a girl, its like our little daughter has come back to us! I can’t let this happen again. I need to get to the airport. I just hope I have time.

Nick looked at the clock on his phone, it was 7:23am… he panicked. ‘How far is the airport?’ He thought. And then it dawned on him, and he got angry. He placed the scan in his pocket, grabbed his phone and the room key and stormed downstairs. Luckily, everyone was still there. But Brian saw his bandmate was angry and he gulped.  
“Hey, Nick, everything okay?” Kevin asked his brother.  
Nick bellowed, “Who knew it?”  
“Knew what?” AJ said in concern, “Dude you’re angry and it’s not like you.”  
“Lindz has gone. She has fucked off and one of you must have known about this. I reckon one of you drove her to the airport.”  
Everyone was speechless, “Why would Lindz go?” Kristin asked.  
“Because she’s had it drummed in her head that I ain’t doing fuck all, and I’m possibly stringing her along.”  
He walked closer to where Leighanne and Brian was sat.  
“Sounds familiar. Doesn’t it Brian?” He stood and towered over Brian. Brian couldn’t look at his bandmate. The brother he had raised for the last 27 years, being his guardian.  
Leighanne nudged Brian, “Tell him you don’t know bub.”  
Brian, still bowing his head, look at his wife and sighed.  
“Bub, you haven’t?” Leighanne asked, “What have you done?”  
Nick folded his arms, “Exactly what the fuck have you done Brian?”  
Brian stands up, “I’m sorry mate…”  
“You’re not my fucking mate right now!” Nick was angry and he had every right! He becomes hysterical when his phone rings. He quickly looks at it thinking it was me, it was Kat, his solicitor.

“Hey Kat.”  
“Nick, you sound rough?” Nick apologised, “Anyway I have some good news for you. The divorce proceedings are final.”  
Nick gulped, “Sorry? Come again?”  
“I have emailed you your finalised papers. You are no longer married.”  
He thanked Kat and hung up. He then cried. 

“Hey dude!” Brian went to hug his friend.  
Nick pushed him away, “Don’t ya dare come near me. Because of you I may have just lost everything!”  
Nick starts to panic. He needed these papers, and he needed them now. But he needed a printed version.  
He turned to the receptionist and explained the situation and that he needed the papers printed out and now. The receptionist smiled and explain, although they do not usually let visitors use the printer, they will let Nick use their printer as they could tell how much it meant to him.  
Nick hugged the male receptionist and kissed their cheek. He was over the moon he could do this, so the receptionist opened the Microsoft browser on the computer and Nick did the rest. He signed into his email account and opened the document… his breathing was so shallow and quick. He needed to get these to me as soon as he could.  
“Thank you so much Sir,” He said to the receptionist, “You may have just saved my relationship!”

He then runs back to the boys and their wives… and he stares at Brian.  
“How long did it take you to get to the airport?”  
Brian looked at Nick, “About an hour. Just under.”  
Nick started to sweat. It was 7:40am…  
“Her flight is only set to depart in just over an hour.” Brian chirped in.  
Nick nodded, “You… get that car. You are taking me to save what I have with Lindz. If I don’t get to do this, it’s on your head!”  
“Okay Nick, I’ll take that!”  
Howie hugged Nick, “You bring that sis of mine back.”  
“Yeah dude, bring her back!” AJ sighed.  
Nick nodded, “Don’t worry boys, I will.”  
And Nick and Brian left the hotel and started the drive to the airport.

On the way to the airport, Nick was quiet. Brian sensed it.  
“I’m sorry dude. I tried, I begged her not to go.”  
“Well, I have a lot more to lose now. I have never been so adamant and determined in my life. Brian I am disappointed as out of everyone, I was hoping you would believe me the most. Being my guardian when we started this band. Helping me through thick and thin. Being there when I was at my worst. I really needed you at my side bud for this.”  
Brian quickly darted at his friend; he clearly saw how upset he was.  
“Nick, it wasn’t that I didn’t believe you. She is family, to Kevin and I. She is our cousin. I saw how miserable she was, whenever something came up with you. The girl deserves happiness, you know. I was protecting her as a family member would. It wasn’t about believing you.”  
“Bullshit Brian! And you know it. At the start of this, you didn’t approve of it. As I understand why. Being a married man, and a father, it was wrong of me to go there again. But I love her with all my heart Brian. That never went away, and you knew that.”  
“I know bud. You have never stopped thinking about her. Even after you married Lauren. I still remember the chat we had after your honeymoon.”  
Nick laughed, “Yeah, that was hilarious. I had a dream of Lindz and I and that it was her that I had married in my dream. But now it feels like it will become a reality. So, I’m angry you allowed her to go.”  
“Dude, she isn’t a child, though is she? I couldn’t chain her up and hold her at her will.”  
The conversation fell silent.  
They were stuck in a little bit of traffic, coming up to the junction where you drove off to get to the airport.  
Nick sighed, “Come on people!! I’ve a flight to delay!”  
“And a girl to bring home!” Brian slid in there, smiling at his friend.  
Nick smiled back, “Yes, to bring back my Lindz!”


	30. Chapter 30

*at the airport*  
Nick and Brian managed to get to the airport, but with not much time.   
They ran in the entrance of the departures and looked on the board of flights. They both scanned the board but Nick was that much in a panic, he wasn’t thinking straight. 

The over voice came on  
“Flight SC175 to the United Kingdom at Gate 52, is ready to board”

‘Shit!’ Nick thought. He looked around at where he was and he saw gate 30, he was going frantic. Not knowing what to do because technically he wasn’t getting on a flight.   
Brian quickly noticed a staff member and so he approached her.  
“Hey there. Sorry to bother you but I’m hoping you can help us.”  
The female attendant stood there waiting for Brian’s response.  
“My mate here, is trying to get to Gate 52 to stop someone getting on a plane. Is there any chance you can help first of all getting us through? And secondly helping us with the directions to the gate?”  
The female member smiled, “Yea of course. I wouldn’t do this very often, but while it’s you guys.” She looked over at Nick as well, they got a feeling she was a fan and knew who they were.  
“But to get there, you must run, and fast.” She carried on telling them where to go. They thanked the female and went their way hoping to get to the gate.

……………………………………

“Guys if you wanna queue up, we will be letting you board in accordingly”  
An attendant walked around the gate to everyone. I picked up my things, ready to go in the line. As I didn’t buy priority booking seats, I saw the long and winding line for the standard seats. I decided to leave it a little bit longer. To see the queue, go down, it felt like I still had ages left. I felt so anxious. I wanted to turn my flight mode of my phone, but I was dreading it in case I was bombarded with messages of people. So, I kept it off and sat still, keeping an eye on the queue.

Nick was running so hard; his breathing was getting sore and swallowed. He looked around and scanned his surroundings to see he was near gate 51. He stopped instantly. Brian caught up with him, wondering why he had stopped!  
“Dude, this isn’t the gate Nick!”  
Catching his breath, “I know that… but I’m knackered.”  
Nick scanned his surroundings again when he saw in big purple lettering the sign ‘Gate 52’… he was still a few minutes away from the gate. But Brian caught me in the distance.  
“She’s there Nick! In the line… but she’s almost through the gate.”  
I was having my passport and my flight ticket on my mobile being checked, so I was almost boarding my flight.

“LINDZ!!!!”  
I turned around and was faced with a very flustered and bothered Nick and Brian. I asked the attendant how much time before I need to get on. The attendant said that there was still five minutes left before the flight will proceed. I nodded and stepped back from the gate and walked over to the boys.  
“What are you doing here?” I asked Nick.  
Nick looks at me, catching his breath. But with tears forming, “Please, Lindz. Come back with me! I need you”  
He then lowered his voice slightly, “I need you both.”  
Nick slyly places his hand on my stomach. I knew instantly he had seen the scan, within me I was smiling but I was dreading the fact he was here.  
I snapped out of it, “I can’t Nick… we can’t! We will always be second best!”  
Nick quickly runs through his pocket and gives me some folded up paper, “Please babe! You need to take a look! It’s what I have been doing all this time.”  
“I’ll take a look on the flight.”  
Nick cries and begs, “No! Babe, it will be too late. I need to look at them now. This depends on it.”  
I started to fight the tears back. Seeing him in a desperate state, pulled at my heart strings. I couldn’t do this anymore, I quickly cupped his face. Planting a kiss on his cheek.  
“I have a flight to catch!”   
I looked at Brian, and nodded. “Goodbye cousin. Thank you for having me!”  
“Please Lindz! Please don’t go!” Nick cried out. He was practically on his knees.  
The tears came flooding through my eyes, my glasses fogged.   
“I’m sorry Nick. I love you”  
And I quickly walked through the gate without taking another look back. As I knew I may have just turned back. As I walked through the gate, walking down the tunnel to the main door to the plane, my heart felt so heavy. My eyes were stinging, I was crying that much.

…………………………………..

Nick cried out again and fell to his knees on the floor. He had his head in his hands and was uncontrollably crying. Brian tries to comfort his bandmate. He felt so bad as it was his fault, this happened. Nick eventually stands up and just falls into Brian. He wraps his arms around Brian, crying into his friend’s shoulder. Brian wrapped his arms around trying to comfort Nick… he had seen this breakdown once before.   
“I’ve lost her! I’ve lost everything! For fucks sake, if only she did as she was told and read the papers. We would have been here, I would have been taking her home. We would have been the little family I always dreamt with her, and what both of us always wanted.”  
Brian stood there feeling confused, “I don’t get what you’re saying Nick. You’re talking nonsense, you’re not making sense!”

Nick digs into his back pocket and pulls out the scan. He showed it Brian, where his eyes widened!  
“She’s pregnant? Dude I had no idea!”  
Nick wiping his nose on his jumper nodded, “Yes, she is pregnant with my little girl!”  
Brian scratched his head, “And what was so urgent with what you gave her?”  
Nick started to turn away and walk away from the gate.   
“Nick?” Brian asked.  
Nick replied, “It doesn’t matter now. It doesn’t matter anymore. She’s gone.”  
“Dude I’m so sorry Nick.” Brian hugged his mate.

……………………………………………

Tears in my eyes, I walked down through the tunnel to the door of the plane. I saw there were a few people in the queue waiting to get onto the flight. I stood there, trying to stop my tears but I couldn’t do it. Nick, in a broken state, played on my mind so badly. I stood there, waiting to be allowed on the flight, when I had a thought. The paper Nick gave me… why did he want me to look at it? how urgent could it be? I rummaged in my handbag when I finally pulled the folded paper out of my bad. I zipped my hand luggage back up and stood there staring at the paper. I noticed there was a few pages to it. I started to unfold it, but stopped midway. After a few seconds I carried on unfolding them. They were the size of a standard A4 size. I flattened the folded creases and started to read the words…

‘The official divorce papers for Nickolas Gene Carter and Lauren Kitt Carter’

My heart dropped… these are divorce papers? So does this mean, he isn’t married anymore? He was doing this and not letting me know? What the actual fuck?

“Excuse me miss?”  
I looked up from what I was reading and was faced with the attendant.  
“Are we boarding the plane miss?"


	31. Chapter 31

“I need to know if you are boarding the plane miss. We have to set off soon.”  
I froze and stood right in front of the male flight attendant. 

It took me a few seconds, and then it came back to me. Am I boarding this plane?   
I looked at the flight attendant again and shook my head. I shook my head and smiled.  
“No Sir. I have to be somewhere.” I started to grin ear to ear, internally giggling like a little fangirl.  
The male flight attendant realised and smiled back, “Well good luck miss.”  
“Thank you.”

I turned around and made my way up the tunnel back to the gate opening. I was so anxious; I had only been there ten minutes in fact perhaps a little less, before I came back. I was panicking, have I missed them?! As I got through the gate door, I scanned the area. There was no sign of Nick or Brian. Oh fuck! ‘Where are you?’ I thought, scanning the area. Nick and Brian were no where to be seen near the gate. I went to the seats in the waiting area and sat down. I was feeling so down and fed up. I looked out the window and watched my plane wheel away from the gate and into the line to take off back home. I looked around once more, examining further away. And that was when I clocked them. I saw the backs of the boys. I saw that the boys were almost at the exit door. I quickly stood up and started to run, to see if I could catch them but it was no good. I was too far away from them. A tear formed and trickled down my face. It’s too late! I cannot simply catch up with them.

“NICK!!!”   
I shouted, the space made the bellow echo around me and yet it didn’t make it past the waiting area. I shouted again, but the boys couldn’t hear me. They again were too far away… I needed to act quickly. ‘Come on Lindz, think!’ I had thoughts and suggestions around my mind and then the lightbulb blew up.  
I kneeled on the floor, and rummaged through my handbag, I pulled out my phone and turned the flight mode off. I skimmed through my recent calls and came across Nick’s number. I dialled it.   
‘Come on, Nick! Please answer it!’ I was begging in my mind. As I stared across, watching their moves. I saw Nick, digging around his pocket for his phone and he looked at it. I saw him hesitantly, resisting to the pick the phone up. 

Then I heard he answered it,  
“Lindz?”  
“Turn back!”  
He was in a bit of confusion, “Turn back? Why?”  
“Just turn back!”  
The phone went dead. Was he coming back? I fell back into the seats wondering. Hoping and praying. I waited for a few minutes, feeling nervous and anxiously closing my eyes and crossing my fingers. Please come back Nick.

A few seconds I opened my eyes, looking out in the distance. I grinned madly; the boys were there. I saw Nick, he stopped in his tracks and was looking confused and a little shocked. I smiled and waved to him. He waved at me, smiled and he ran.   
‘No way!’ was what I saw him let out of his mouth.  
He ran towards me; I dropped my stuff and ran towards him.   
Thank fuck he came back!!   
Brian was in the background, he didn’t run. He didn’t have too, but he made his way back. Smiling like he does when he is happy.  
Nick picked up speed, we became inches away from each other. It was like we had not seen each other for ages. Suddenly I felt this whirlwind of feelings.

He picked me up, holding me tightly and span us around. I grabbed each cheek of his and planted a passionate kiss on his lips, which he returned happily. I ruffled his hair a little, he wasn’t that arsed I had done that. He placed us back on the ground, wrapping his arms around me. He pulled away and looked into my eyes. Every time I looked into his eyes, they were so blue and beautiful, this time they sparkled. They were a gorgeous teal, like the colour of the ocean. And they sparkled… so much emotion I could see in his eyes.  
He took his right hand and stroked my face! He crouched a little lower and just couldn’t stop kissing us.  
“But your flight Lindz?”  
I laughed, and then showed him the plane that was setting off into the sky, “Yeah, that flight. I missed it.”  
Nick was grinning but he was wondering why, “But? I mean What made you?”  
I smiled and pulled out the papers he gave me.   
He smirked and held me tightly once more.  
“You read them.”  
I nodded, tears streaming. I didn’t have to hold them in anymore. He took his thumb and rubbed the tears away.  
“Aww babes, they best be happy tears.”   
I nudged him and shook the papers in his face, “You best not be pulling my leg here?”  
He was taken aback and was shocked, “Never!”  
“So these are official?”  
He grabbed my hands and stroked the tops of them, “Yes they are!”  
We embraced each other with a loving kiss. We were deeply caught in our eyes…

“Well!”  
We were quickly snapped out of it and turned to Brian.  
“So, Nick, are you going to tell me now? What was so important on that paper?” Brian chirped up.  
Nick looked down at me, kissed me on my forehead and then grinned at Brian.  
“I’m a free man officially”  
Brian’s eye widened, “Meaning?”  
Nick nodded, they knew what the other one was thinking, “I’m no longer married to Lauren. These are my divorce papers!”  
As it was suddenly dawning on Brian, he became giggly. He was like a little excited child. He jumped up and down.  
“OMG!!! I’m so happy! You been doing this all this time?”  
Nick, wiping happy tears away from his face, nodded, “Yes! I blurted it out to Rochelle and AJ the other night. When I was told about your conversation.”  
I stood there, holding onto Nick as though we weren’t going to see each other again. However, I did see something and frowned, “Well I do think you need to lose something though.”  
Nick and Brian looked confused as though what was I on about. Nick looked all over himself, wondering what I meant. He looked at his feet, his legs, his right hand and then his left hand. He realised I was on about his wedding ring… he grinned and slipped the ring off.  
“Well yeah I’m not in any need of that anymore.”  
He gave it Brian to get rid of it, because he didn’t want to have it in his pocket. Brian was happy getting rid of it for him. 

Nick turned to me again, hugging me.  
“You gave me such a fright girl. I thought I had lost you for good.”  
I shrugged my shoulders, “Well you pulled through in the nick of time I guess.”  
Nick let go of me and knelt in front of me. I was wondering what the hell he does doing but then he placed both hands on my stomach and kissed it. It was quite cute. He laid his head for a second on my stomach before he came back up to his feet.  
He looked at my eyes, “I love you both.” Then kissed my lips.  
“YES! Congratulations guys! My brother and my cousin, together at last! With a new Backstreet baby on the way.” Brian excitedly said.  
Brian came closer and we all had a group hug. Brian placing his hand on my stomach, he was so excited for the future.   
“My two favourite girls right here, with me, where they belong always.” Nick declared. We looked at each other and laughed.   
“Just wait till AJ realises he isn’t the only girl daddy.” Brian chuckled.  
“Well shall we?” Nick asked. He held out his hand, which I took with my hand. Our fingers intertwined with one another. Nick picked up my hand luggage and carried it for me.  
We then started to walk out the airport, Brian linking with me on the other side. I felt like I was being protected by bodyguards, having Nick and Brian at my side… 

…………………………………………………….

The next few days, the Backstreet Boys toured Europe. It was such a laugh, and we all had a blast. To finally be able to be myself, with everyone and especially with Nick. For obvious reasons, Nick and I kept it under wraps around the fans, but with the boys, their wives and the crew the public display of Nick’s affection was addictive, I must admit. It had felt just like it did fifteen years ago, we were like a bunch of teenagers. The boys were extremely happy for us both. The wives were loving that we were back together again and can be official. 

We had come back to America, and the first thing I did was change my visa, it was extended for longer than a year this time round. The first few weeks back in America, was hectic- Nick and I had bought our own little place together and was sorting that out, decorating every room. Turning the house into a home. Nick allowed Lauren to stay in their house and for a while he would help pay the bills due to having Odin. I thought he was amazing doing that because in the divorce settlement Lauren received millions, enough to get by with. Odin would stay over at the weekends, and we got on like a house of fire. It was such a feeling that the boy really felt at home around me. Even Nick loved it. 

It was time for the little getaway Nick had planned and showed me while we were on tour. We got our luggage sorted and got into the car. Nick was driving us there. So luckily it wasn’t that far away. Lately my bump grew overnight, well it felt like it. It was a massive bump… but was a cute one. Our little girl was baking very nicely in there. Everything was going great and she was a healthy weight too. ‘Crumper’ as the midwife would recall at every appointment.   
The view where the log cabin was just as it looked in the catalogue. The different colours of greens and yellows in the trees, alongside the lake. It was peaceful and quiet. We got to the log cabin and Nick quickly started the log fire that was inside. It was so magical, and we hadn’t even started the holiday. It dawned on me; this could have been the last getaway as a family of two. Our next getaway would be a family of three. So, this was needed for us both. We sat on the couch, snuggling. Chilling whilst Nick decided to give my feet a good massage. And he was so good at them. Unfortunately, I suffered from cankles during this pregnancy and my ankles and feet would swell up being on them for a long period. He was that good; I fell asleep.   
He looked over at me and smiled, “You sleep beautiful.”  
He got up carefully and then placed my legs back on the couch. Grabbed a blanket and placed it over me. Planted a kiss on my head.  
“Hope you like what I have in store.”

I wake up to the smell of freshly cooked bacon and the sizzle of cooking sausages. ‘He knows how to make me happy’ I thought. I sat up and stretched out, but I couldn’t see Nick. I looked around and still couldn’t see him or hear him. I could smell the food, but the cooker wasn’t on. As my eyes became back into focus, I noticed lots of candles surrounding the living area. They were all lit, and they trailed to the door. I rubbed my eyes again; wondering was I dreaming or how long was I out. I checked the clock; I had been out for an hour or so. I got my slip shoes on and made my way to the door. I followed the candles and they took me to the outside part of the lake, with Nick stood there. He had only set up a little candlelit picnic on the front of the lake. He realised I had woken and looked up at me and smiled.  
“Come here babes!” Nick takes my hand and pulls me closer to him, wrapping his arms around my mid region. I noticed it was also a full moon out and it was reflecting on the ripples of the lake.   
“Oh my… this is so beautiful Nick!” I blurted out as I stand taking the view in. It really was breath taking.  
“I know right?! I knew you would like it!  
“Nick, I don’t like it,” His face dropped, “I love it.”  
He chuckled, “You got me then.”  
We stood there in each other’s arms for a moment. Nick pulled his face to look at me which I could sense, I turned myself to face him also. We lovingly stared at each other.  
Nick took his hand and stroked the hair behind my ears out of my eyes, then stroked the side of my face.  
“The moonlight, it flickers in your eyes babes. They have such a sparkle!” He grinned as I blushed. I snuggled my head into his chest, which he wrapped his hand around.  
“I wanted to take you somewhere quiet and somewhere where we could finally have our moment.”  
I smiled, “Well my boy did good.”  
He cupped my chin and kissed me passionately. I could feel his heartbeat skipping a beat every so often. He was nervous about something; I could sense it.  
“Deep down, you have always had me. I remember the first time I clocked my eyes on you Lindz. You were so hilarious, and I just got on with you. You were on my level; I had never felt with anyone else. You also got me and even after all this time apart I never stopped loving you…”  
“Nick… I…”  
Nick quickly placed a finger on my lips and smirked.  
“Please, let me finish! Lindz you were, back then, the girl for me. Back then and right now. I have always wanted us to be together, forever!”  
He looked into my eyes and pulled away. He rummaged in his pants pocket and pulled out a little box. I had no idea what it was.  
He then did the unthinkable; he knelt on one knee and opened the box. It was a diamond ring…  
“Lindz… can we be together forever? Will you be my Mrs Carter? Will you marry me?”  
My heart jumped. I was not prepared for this, at all. I never realised this would happen so quickly. I started to shake. I placed a hand on my mouth with sheer shock. And then I welled up with tears. I took my hand that was hiding my mouth and place it on his hand and nodded, “Oh Nick! Yes, I will marry you!”  
He quickly jumped up and tried to pick me up. The bump got in the way. And he smothered me with deepened kisses. He took the ring out of the box and placed it on my finger.  
“Lindz, you have just made me the happiest man in the world right now!”  
Nick smiled at me and I smiled back. I looked at the ring, it was so beautiful. It looked a little familiar, but I did not go into that.  
“This ring was made for you…” Nick acclaimed. I smiled more.  
“It’s beautiful Nick.”  
“It was made fifteen years ago.” Nick placed his hands in mine.  
I looked up at him in shock.  
“Told you I wanted to marry you back then. I also told you I kept the ring… I kept it because I knew we would be here.”  
I was taken aback with his words. He kept the ring; that sounded so sweet of him.  
I kissed him and looked at the ring again, grinning like a Cheshire cat

We sat down on the picnic blanket and we had the loveliest picnic food. We fed each other strawberries… and we just gazed at one another and looked out into the distance together whilst under the stars. This was going to be an amazing life ahead of us… I felt it. I’m glad I had come back, and that our love we held for each other became a trouble for him. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be here now, engaged and awaiting the arrival of our little girl!!

…End…


End file.
